Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for March, 2016

Allegory/Alleglory…Memories

I did a post a few years ago as a metaphor for a personal experience. Many details were altered a bit. I have had many followers on mothernatueisaman asking for “what happened since.

What I have found in life is the experiences you have, often turn out to be lessons. Not mistakes, because the words should have, could have, would have, just don’t work. Guilt doesn’t either. There are no do overs, but you can start over with clear emotional eyesight.

I have a  therapist 24/7.  Not my  brother who is a retired psychiatrist.  I also volunteered in a psych. unit for many years. I don’t judge what’s right for some, but for me, I know myself better than anyone, and I put in the work on myself, without another telling me, or suggesting , what I already know. So it’s me who takes care of  all the unanswered questions that  pop up. What I have learned and hope to pass on to readers is this. You can’t get in someones head. You don’t always have the key. If someone in your life is limited emotionally when it comes to true and genuine communication, you can’t teach a ghost to appear. It’s up to them and perhaps if they are willing to compromise and meet half way, communication can begin. It is a fact that women to women know how to talk about feelings and the whole concept that goes with it. Most men either don’t want to or don’t know how. Some of course do and they are the ones generally in positive relationships. Without any anger, I smile and sweetly say to myself, my mantra…..”if you don’t care, I care less.”  Works…..for me when necessary.

I had many readers comment on my post as to  why Maude didn’t just go for it. That’s  not in my DNA. Dignity is a very important aspect to my sense of self. I was told I over analyze. Really? I thought that was talking about who I am. I guess I do over think at times, but it’s only working issues out before I make a pretty big decision.

So for those who wanted to know what happened. Nothing. The ending is the same until a new ending is written. We remain technically in touch.  I still think he’s appealing and talented and it stays neatly  in place, not causing complications.

Short Sad Story will probably never have another ending. As my own therapist,  I asked myself if I regretted those few hours sharing a lovely time connecting. Chemistry, attraction, and passion are not easily found, and for a few hours found. My sense of self very much in tact because I knew. I just knew and I was right in going with my intuition. It was time for him to go home.

I still haven’t given up hope that someday, there will be someone to go home with again.