Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for November, 2013


A day to reflect, give thanks, and eat to your hearts content.

My Non Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Many years ago I wrote to Linda Wells, editor- in-chief Allure Magazine. In “those days” they had the usual what do women wear, or whatever at a certain age. 20’s 30’s 40’s….and then it seemed the rest of the women drop off the earth. Obviously demographically undesirable. At the time I knew women in their 60’s to 90’s who were driving, playing golf, actively looking for “gentlemen” and quite interesting and beautiful. So, I wrote a letter, no email then and suggested she might stretch the hints and tips from women older than 40. I said I would be interested in skin creams etc, foods, and secrets they might share. She wrote me back a lovely letter, and said she would pass on to a senior editor. I never heard, but Vogue several months later did an issue that went up to 60. I could literally go down a list of fabulous beautiful sexy woman in their 60’s to 90’s…but sure you all have your own favorites. Do we not really matter anymore? Why in Europe are women of all ages respected and admired. I met one unforgettable fantastic woman in a French cafe waiting for her lunch date. Her English was halting, but she was able to tell me her scent that was fabulous. It was Sublime, sadly not Made in France anymore. When her lunch date arrived, he was about 50 and he whispered to us that we were in the company of Madame…..and unfortunately I don’t remember her name. He said she was 93 and a legend in Paris. Oh why didn’t I write down her name instead of just jotting Sublime. To get to the point of this post. I have written to The View, Joy Behar, Katie Couric, and Bethenny Frankel,not to have me on the show, but to have women of all ages talking about interesting topics including themselves. Barbara Walters is about 84, and rarely has anyone of her generation on the show. When Joy left, so did I. If you notice, when late night has much older women as guests, it may be a 87-year-old with a 28-year-old boyfriend, or learning the hula hoop or now the twerk. Well, miracles happen. I heard from a producer from the Bethenny Frankel show. Just a guess, but I thought she might be under 25 and said she enjoyed talking to me. I sounded funny. Could I be on the show Friday. This was on a Wednesday. Before I could ask what the topic of discussion would be since I never read the “grey” book, she said it was going to be a great show. If I could come on with my daughter or daughter in law and granddaughter, it would be a three generation makeover. That immediately did not appeal to me at all. I am not interested in a makeover. I very much like my hair style, my not too much makeup, and overall way of dressing, and I could only imagine what the before would look like. Very easily with bad lighting or just in the morning, I could pass for 96. Not interested in showing myself in the worst way on national television. This is a secret I am keeping from my granddaughter since she would probably have loved the experience. I was gracious, and said no thank you, but if they would ever like me to discuss what it is like being single in NYC at 78, I would be happy to be in on that discussion. Or volunteering in women’s issues and some of the experiences I had with women to frightened to stay and more frightened to leave, or the process of writing a book with a co-author and then trying to get a publisher or agent….so many topics to discuss, so little interest I guess. She ended the conversation with “oh my boss is calling, I need to call you back.” So did you hear from her??? Ummmmm now I wonder if I would look better with red curly hair instead of blond straight hair, false eyelashes instead mascara free, foundation, instead of tinted moisturizer. Very proper clothes instead of creative dress…….. Oh well, I’ll never know.

So much easier when you get on the right plane.

So now to my return to JFK from West Palm Beach, not Tampa. Left at 8pm and surprisingly easy to find the correct gate since it does have your destination printed in rather large letters. I swear on a stack of dark chocolate bars that I didn’t see Tampa. Not sure I saw anything. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, but I felt I had to report the situation that happened. I spoke to a supervisor at West Palm Beach and she said I was being too hard on myself when I referred to myself as a nitwit. I did wonder why my boarding pass didn’t go through the scan three times. Certainly a bit of a hint something was not right. That was when the woman who was training the one who took my pass, took it from her, and just ripped off the portion they needed. The supervisor said that is something that is never done and anyone in training is told if a boarding pass doesn’t scan, check it over. So some of the foolishness on my part was eased a bit by knowing it was a major mistake. It is also a very costly mistake to the airlines. Hopefully a bill from Jet blue for bringing the aircraft back to the terminal will not be arriving in my mailbox. Such a great feeling boarding the flight to JFK and feeling a little smug when I heard weather conditions and flying time to NYC. The Tampa experience was not going to be a recurring flight pattern for me.

Have Not

I do try to be grateful for all I have, but I don’t have you. I have your energy, your love, memories of you, but I don’t have you.I have your pictures at home, and when I travel, I take a picture of you with me. I have your smile, but I don’t have you.Emotionally and spiritually I have you. Physically, I don’t have you. When I think about you, I am comforted, but I don’t have you. I still cry, but I can’t let my thoughts of missing you overwhelm me. My life would stop. I must be ever thankful for what I have…..but I don’t have you.

Please Not Tampa!!

8:15 flight to West Palm Beach. No problem. I knew from a past nightmare kind of experience to leave very early for the airport. Traffic can be at a standstill. I once left and thought more than enough time, over one hour..Arrived at airport when my plane was boarding, and I was whisked through security and made the flight. The flight attendant said the plane was half full……I explained that many of the passengers were delayed on the highways to the airport.
I was so out of breath since I don’t recall the last marathon I was in. Think I can’t recall since it never happened. So, I was picked up at 6pm and no traffic, very relaxing ride. Jet blue has a huge new terminal at JFK. Went through security with ease. Although a “dangerous” object must have been spotted, because they had to search my luggage. Turns out my 3lb weight was the object in question. All systems go and on my way to the gate to West Palm Beach. Boarded early. and was comfortable in my extra room seat chatting with my seat mate. She telling me several times how exhausted she was from a 7 hour layover. I mentioned she might enjoy a nap, and she agreed. I had mounds of papers and magazines to sift through. So, all strapped in –ready to go–plane starts to taxi and flight attendant announces time and weather conditions in Tampa.It took me one second to say without screaming “I’m on the wrong plane, thinking I was headed for the twilight zone. The flight attendant acted swiftly, telling me to please seat down as she made a quick call. The plane taxied back to terminal. “What time is it please, did my plane leave yet, this has never happened ever to me before,” I said in a voice bordering controlled panic.”Your plane is leaving in 5 minutes.” Fortunately I only take carry-on. Back at the terminal, an escort came on board to take my luggage and literally run with me to Gate 5, not far from 4 where I boarded. As I left the plane, I turned and meekly said to the full plane to Tampa, “I’m so sorry, I’ve been flying for 65 years and this has never happened.” I’m sure they were pleased to hear that after many of them just experienced a 7 hour lay over.Silence, no one yelled out, no problem have a safe flight wherever etc etc……………Left and in a flash, I was running on to my waiting plane. Running is not my best sport. I do prefer yoga and zen feelings. More crazed than zen at the moment.So, now with my vivid imagination, I was petrified. Oh Universe forbid, which plane was the one to you know what?Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be in West Palm Beach, were forces guiding me to Tampa after one in the morning with no place to go???What was the meaning behind all this? My own stupidity of course, was going to be my last conclusion. I did quietly blame the new person who took my boarding pass. She was in training and never glanced at my pass. Bottom line, I was the nitwit, no other excuse……………Happily I landed safe and sound at my original destination I have never been to Tampa and not on my bucket list.Later I was relieved to find Tampa passengers arrived safe and sound as well…….Told my son and daughter in love my story and I fear they have Esplanade on their mind. (a lovely senior residence in NYC.) I may have to run away………….to Tampa after all…

Friends In Life and Twitter Life

I wrote a blog called Friendship Garden that has to do with letting go of some friends at a time in my life when it was necessary for my well-being. Toxic people have always been just that. Toxic, and we are the ones to know how to identify them. For me the pivotal time arrived when my husband died so suddenly, and my grief was being judged. I had choices, and one of my choices was to move to New York to be closer to immediate family and friends. I have said over and over again that positive energy family and friends are my emotional transfusions. There does come a time though, when very negative people can try to take away your own sense of being, and then you know when they can no longer be in your life.They challenge you constantly. It becomes rather simple, and should be done without anger. It just means that at different times of your life, there are different people who mean a great deal. The amount of years hasn’t the meaning as being understood and not misunderstood by friends. To have dear friends who really “get you” is a priceless gift. I have many young twitter followers who always seems to get into problems with potential or non potential loves. One or the other wants and the other not so sure. A good rule of thumb? ” If you don’t care, I care less.” When it’s right, I tell them, it’s so easy. No fighting and never wondering, “does he love me? Does he care? What is he really thinking? How can I make him love me? …..or substitute she. If looking for a serious relationship of any kind, there must be a connection, and if there is none, then just let it go. It saves you so much emotional time and energy that can be spent in a much more positive way. Broken hearts stay for a very long time, and should be protected before you give away your love to the wrong person. So now on twitter, there is a very easy way to let go of a connection. Simple, you just unfollow and that’s that. Quite painless actually. For me, outside the twitter world, I hold on until I need to let go. In Lovely Land of Twitter, I rarely do the unfollow until someones unfollows me. Unless you have been on twitter, you have no idea how quickly and lovely strong connections are formed. We will never unfollow each other… I can’t say that for the world outside, but I always make room for new thriving nourishing plants and flowers.

A “Babs” Moment…or more like a Barbra second

If anyone has been in the theatre district lately, it is sheer bedlam.. You literally have to wait on-line to walk. Trying to get to The Samuel J. Friedman Theatre, on West.47th Street to see Snow Geese, we walked by the Ethel Barrymore, where Betrayal was playing. My friend who actually spells her name Barbara, said she saw James Brolin getting out of the car. I had no time to even glance, because who was face to face, nose to nose, to me….Barbra Streisand. We were almost breathing in each others faces. I had all of one second to make my move. Being a New Yorker, we are used to seeing celebrities all the time, walking, eating, whatever, just enjoying their life, and we respect their privacy. But this was a quick decision on my part and in one instant, I blurted out “you are fabulous.” I had heard many stories that she can be very nasty to fans, but probably just gossip, because my new BFF said so graciously, “thank you very much.” So I became a breathless fan in my encounter with the fabulous Barbra Streisand and have no regrets whatsoever. No NYC guilt. I did what I had to do.

Followers on blog

I welcome all followers to my blog and twitter that have appropriate sites and positive words to share. I have been on twitter since April and have found the experience most validating. The connections with people as I have said before, all ages, colors, and from different states and countries. 99% of the experiences have been fulfilling and exciting. At times the connections feel as though I am meeting old friends or new old friends. I recently was followed by someone with a “mature” site and it’s quite upsetting to me for anyone who goes on by blog to see this. Facebook you have to accept a friend, and twitter, you can block a follower. I am waiting to hear from Word Press how to delete those you don’t want. I am not judging, I am only asking for kindness and respect. Please do not follow me if your language/photographs are in any way offensive and inappropriate. Hopefully Word Press will help in solving this problem. I treasure over 1,000 followers and everyday is a new surprise. Sometimes, the surprise is not so treasured. Hopefully this will be taken care of.

The Lonely People On The Bus: Lonliness Has A Look…..

I often think although I have been alone for nine years, I wasn’t always alone. Therefore, I am not lonely. Family and friends, and my own sense of self would not allow. Too many things to do, too many people to do the things with, and New York City, a city of places and things, so lonely is not allowed in my thought process. If I wanted to spend my days remembering, I do have so much that is wonderful to remember. A Russian proverb addresses that for me. “Longing for the past, is like chasing after the wind.” So lonely and longing are out. Observing is not out though, and when I’m on the bus, and the lighting is not exactly candlelight, “they” don’t look so good. I observe, and what I see is sadness. There’s just a look I can’t fully explain, but If you take the time, you will see them as well. The people on the bus represent realism at its most real. Why are there so many lonely people in this world? The Beatles sang about them. The people on the bus have a lost look; an untouched, unloved, lonely stare. I adore fantasy, hope, dreams, and lovely thoughts. They sustain me, the majority of the time and help the psyche. If I didn’t think I would be thought of as marginally insane, I for a moment, thought of asking all the people on the bus if they wanted to meet all the other people on the bus. We could have one big party. I decided against that idea. Maybe it’s the changing of the clocks, and being a dreary day gone dark so early that made me observe the lonely people on the bus.