Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for the ‘changes’ Category

A Touch of Normalcy

It’s been over 7 months of semi isolation. Decided to actually go out for dinner with a friend . Outdoor dining of course. She went over to the restaurant a few blocks away, to select a table as far away as possible from other diners. I can’t say I was super relaxed being served by a waiter wearing a mask and gloves. I was happy because all the tables were filled. My favorite restaurant in my neighborhood. The manager was happy to have people again. The food was good and we promised ourselves no politics discussed . It felt a little normal until the check arrived. We would usually freshen our lipstick. Instead we put on our masks to go out in the Twilight Zone. Stay healthy.


Anything Really Change?

Michelle Obama feeling a little depressed. I think we all have a feeling of sadness for what was once our lives. Continue to feel grateful for all I have . Sadly as a friend said” our old age is being stolen from us.” Still can’t whine because hopefully we have years ahead of us. I fear between now and November, there will be ugly times. Frightening words and deeds. I live with sameness not really being with family or going out. When I do go out with my mask and see others with masks, I’m in the Twilight Zone. No one has lived like this, so it’s our emotional tools that get us through the days.
My go to mindless tv, is 90 Day Fiancé . Love the foolishness and feel no guilt enjoying to the Max.
Sorry to repeat, but isolating is repeating every day and night trying!!!!…I do have a new routine that I love.Desk Cycle. Every night for one hour pedaling to nowhere watching tv.. Not going to give grateful list, but it’s there. I’m trying so hard to be strong and hopeful. Wish I had loads of bread recipes to share. I don’t have one, nor do I care. If anyone interested in the healthiest oatmeal recipe, please ask . I would feel motivated and useful to share.
We will get through this. We have no choice.
Wish you all good health. Physical and emotional. A virtual hug in there too. I really miss hugs!!!

The End/ or The Beginning

So, isn’t it all how you perceive life….. Summer is over, that’s true, and all the wonders of the sultry carefree days behind us. But, oh the memories we all have….and hope they are special ones and you all had good health to enjoy your wonder-filled moments.. I like to think of all the possibilities that Fall brings. The marketing plan for Circle my co-author and I want to accomplish.  The  dreams of a better political time. The dreams of unfulfilled past dreams. The excitement of NYC and l the new venues. Tickets for so many cultural events. Family and Friends to do fun things with. My oldest sons birthday in September. When he was born as well as my younger son, only 18 months apart, those were two of the happiest days of my life. I focus always on the positive, occasionally removing toxic energy and people from my life. It makes living a mindfulness life that much easier. Peace of mind is the essence of ones goal, in my opinion, in attaining the joys of gratitude. So, I welcome the end of Summer and look forward to all  the possibilities of the new seasons ahead. May all reading this have many moments of joy ahead.

I appreciate my followers and when you comment, I always answer. Relating to my words is one of my joys……no matter what season it is!!!!!!!!

Finally: CIRCLE

We met at a writing workshop over 40 years ago. I drove in from New Jersey and Barbara lived in NYC. Our routine was to always go out for dinner to discuss the amusing happenings we experienced at the workshop.
I had an idea for a book I was working on. A recently separated woman discovers her sensuality and realizes that the few men she went out with were all different signs of the Zodiac. Very close to the traits of each sign. She decides to go through The Circle of Animals and see if the men she met all matched their signs.
One dinner night with Barbara, I told her my idea and why I was dropping it. The character wasn’t anything like me or what I would do, and I didn’t really admire or like her for the concept. I was creating someone I didn’t want to write about. Amusing, but something I would never embark on. Barbara immediately said “let’s do it together. I’ll take 6 and you take 6 and we can write it together. Sorry for the cliché, but the rest is history.
My husband Barry was very supportive and encouraged me to finish the book with Barbara. He found it difficult to understand why the process was taking so long. “Have Barbara come out to New Jersey for weekends and finish the book.” I read him chapters, and of course there were many sub plots. We had no work schedule and Barbara also had a full-time job. Whatever the reasons, the book was put on hold.
When Nancy Reagan had an astrologer helping her, and Kate had the natural line of creams idea, Barry again would say, “Why not get your book out? It’s so timely.”
……..and still Circle was in the waiting mode.
The week before Barry died, we were in Connecticut and Elizabeth Brundage was there. I knew her the day she was born. She is now a well-known author and her writing is brilliant and wonderful. She told me at a later date that Barry mentioned to her that weekend, about my book and to push me to finish it or something like that. He died a few days later, suddenly and I was in a state of grief and shock. Circle again on the back burner.
Elizabeth wrote a delightful blurb for the book and I will be forever grateful for her generosity with her words.
When I told Barbara about Barry, she was also shocked and asked “what can I do?” I said quickly that Barry wanted us to finish the book.
Many months later after we had worked  out a schedule, a box was at my front door with the first draft and a simple card….. For Barry.
I had moved from New Jersey. Barbara found a great apartment in the same building she lived in. I’m on the 4th floor and she’s on the 10th, so the process of finishing Circle was made easier. A long and sometimes grueling time. There were arguments that were handled with care. Circle for me was a labor of love. I knew Barry wanted it published as much as I did. So we self published and it came out on Amazon last week. So exciting to see it in print. Love the characters and the cover. I hope anyone who reads our words enjoys a fun read.
I would like to give a shout out to Vicki Landis, our Editor and Cover Designer, and Gregg Brickman who did the book formatting. For any writers out there wanting to self publish, I highly recommend both. They were professional and very patient. Thank you both.……

Oh I almost forgot what day it is. Happy Valentines Day to all. Dark Chocolate and love wishes to all!!!

Circle is a available on Amazon

Friendship Garden Thriving

I wonder how many can relate to my experiences. I wrote a post called Friendship Garden many years ago. It was basically about letting go of some toxic plants to make room for new and nourishing flowers. The same way we do physical cleaning, we also need to do emotional housecleaning. When my husband died over 13 years ago, I let go of many people. Not in an aggressive way, because it’s not my style to be confrontational. I like a mellow zen type existence. I do have expectations. I treat others with respect and kindness and like that in return, without judgements. I like to say “I let go of people” rather than “getting rid of.” It sounds softer, but the results are the same. You don’t have to be with negative people, you don’t have to be with people who definitely “don’t get you.” You have choices and the more empowered you are, the more choices you have. Just because you know someone for ten, twenty, thirty, forty, or over fifty years is not the reason they are in your life, or rather, they have to stay in your life. Friends are in your life at different times for different reasons. It’s not a given you have to keep them. I was fortunate that it was my decision to let go.
Something wonderful happened to me. For ever friend I let go of, there were new and nourishing friends that were in my life by choice, not because of the amount of time they were there before. I have a Friendship Garden that is beautiful and colorful and so grateful for every new flower, and for all my forever friends.

“Care about what other people think and  you will always be their prisoners.” Tzo

What I Used To Do….What I Do Now

I really don’t spend a lot of time and energy thinking of what I used to do There are too many “what I do now”. I did love to cook, and also played golf. Both are in my past. I have discovered that if someone can make a meal better, let them. I have also discovered if I want to eat oatmeal for dinner, who’s going to stop me? Of course my oatmeal is an entire meal. Oats, crunchy almond butter. golden berries, cinnamon, variety of nuts and fruits. My favorite is a one meal dish. I can eat on a pretty basket in bed watching Netflix. Another favorite is an omelet with veggies. Of course all organic…My big thing to actually make is wild salmon or any cold water wild fish. The easiest way is on top of the stove in a covered pan. It never comes out wrong. Another tip. When you have a container with overflowing greens that would take a month to eat, just put in a pan with a tiny amount of olive oil and saute. It ends up as a tablespoon of green good health. I’ve gotten to the stage where marketing is annoying. One or two items fine, but why do I end up feeling like I’m carrying 50 lbs of things that I have to wash and put away. Hope this doesn’t sound like I’m complaining. I’m not, and would never, not when I can get up and out, and never think of the age thing. It seems everyone else thinks it’s some kind of miracle to be a certain age, and still be breathing, let alone standing on my head, yoga, weights, and walking, jazz concerts, Carnegie Hall, films, Lincoln Center, Manhattan Theater Club and just about anything with a positive vibe.
Global News Brazil came to my apartment on Monday, and we had an interesting, fun interview for Stitch. I asked two Stitch members…. Women who are evolved and fantastic. I hope it went well. You never know with editing etc. I mentioned my children and grandchildren will see the tape and I just want to come across with dignity. My son was funny and said to smile. (meaning don’t talk too much.) This interview was for a show that has to do with dealing with aging. I asked if there could be no labels. I’m a woman first and foremost.My purpose is to inspire others and always has been. My other purpose is to leave a legacy for family. Wisdom is paramount to pass on, and when I can, I certainly try. So I said to please not use words like senior, golden years, old, octogenarian, and so many others. In another interview I said vintage is good..It’s value increases with age. When I think of Maggie Smith, Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Cecily Tyson, Angela Lansbury, Dame Helen Mirren, Dame Judy Dench , Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, Tina Turner……the list goes on and on. My point being, I can think of so many words to describe these magnificent women, and their age is not necessarily one of them. I’m not ashamed of my age. I’m quite proud, but I don’t want to be defined by a number. Coco Chanel ” You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”
Had a crew here Monday. Two women producers, and a camera lighting guy. All terrific and received email from the News Producer saying we were inspirational. Now that’s a label I would love to keep.
Satchel Paige said it best. “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?”


So finally a decision was made about our book. I have a co-author, and we have been writing our book for over 35 years. My husband encouraged us from the beginning to “go for it” and finish. We didn’t. When he died my co-author said ” we are going to finish for Barry”. We  did. A 90,000 word women’s humor fiction novel.  I love this book. I love the concept and the friendship between these two characters, and they are characters.

We went  through the process of trying to find an agent and then a publisher. We had one agent, sort of, who liked the book and sadly  died before she had a chance to take to  publisher. Although the book was written by the two of us, if not for Barbara, the book would have never been in any shape to show anyone. She was an editor and knew how. I can  write, but going on Word is a Process unknown to me, sorry to say. To make this story short, we received only about seven rejections, but that was enough for Barbara to reverse gears. The book sat for quite a while. Several agents said it would make a good movie….now even more so because of great parts for women over 50. It is not against men …How could it be when I had an extraordinary husband, two fantastic loving sons, two awesome grandsons and two great nephews. It’s a fun read with a happy ending.

The publishing business is not an easy one to crack being first time authors. Both of us have been published, but this is our first book. Self publishing always had a stigma, but then a self publisher won the Pen Award and the stigma no more. It’s a way of getting your work, hopefully read, and then you never know. It’s magical thinking of course, but like everything else, something wonderful could be in the future with “our baby.”

To let query letters sit on a desk somewhere or wait a few months to hear yes or no, is just too frustrating and we decided to publish on Kindle as an e-book and Create Space as the print copy…The name of our book is Circle. Please stay tuned since I will be posting  this process.

Having  head shots taken for the cover next week and that should be exciting. We are now changing the ending and receiving copies back from the editor with all the mistakes we knew we never made.

This is our time. This is Circles time. This is a fun and exciting time.

One word of caution to my family….and  friends, past and present. No questions as to how much is from life and  how much is imagination.

Keep tuned………………………………










If good health allows it, four words  to follow…..Don’t think about it!!!!!! A young Twitter follower once tweeted. Age is just a number, not a limitation. Selective memory becomes very important and denial is way up on the list as well. Living in the moment should become your mantra……..”Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” Satchel Paige

“It takes a long time to become young.” Pablo Picasso


We are faced with changes every day, and how we deal with those changes can make or break us. Simple ones like summer to fall. Serious changes like loss. Happy ones like additions. Some of us think that everything happens for a reason. People come into your life and out of your life for lessons. Mistakes are not failures if positive changes happen. Experiences can enhance our lives, and we need to exalt in the simple things…Able to get up and out and do what we like, and be with the people we enjoy. Taking for granted as we get older is never an option and the younger you are when you realize this, the better. Personally, being grateful is paramount to feeling  alive. Living in New York City is sheer joy for me because I am  surrounded by creative  energy and diversity. I do stay away from the age thing, but denial can go just so far. Reality does exist. I do believe in realistic rainbows. I love the colors, but not looking for the pot of gold. Creating my own filled with loving family and friends.  My reality is not reading the depressing news, but knowing as in golf, I am on the back nine. Not so bad…….to still be in the game, although I haven’t played in ten years. Golf is very much like life. “A contract that your mind makes with your body, that your body has no intention of fulfilling.”….but that one great shot is worth it all. You never own the game, but you can still find the pleasure.                             “Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into tranquil joy.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

A Lifetime Ago

Ten years ago today, my life as I knew it was over. I had choices, and made the choice to leave New Jersey where I lived with my wonderful husband and move to New York City. I re-created myself, not easy to do. Barry, I know you would be  proud of me. I am forever grateful for what was and what is now.