Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for April, 2016

Never Knew I Was A Zero, but Very Okay With It

This will be a short post. Just took a little break from going over novel that needs so much re writing.
There are reasons why I will probably never meet anyone on any dating site. Good for some material only. The last few profiles were unbelievable in their quest and their requests..One jerk and I use the term instead of one that ends in hole…I still need to be a lady.
So getting to the point, one man said he was a 1-5 on the Kinsey Scale and wanted the same. I knew who Kinsey was, but not aware of a scale. so of course I Goggled . Not going into detail, you can Google if really interested. Let me put it nicely. Seems he would have sex with just about any combination. Did leave out Turkeys though.Perhaps a vegan. I checked myself out and I was a zero….. meaning heterosexual and one at a time. I never thought of sex as a media event or group sport. I deleted.
Next profile, he wanted a partner once a week to learn and practice Tantric Sex . Now, it’s not nice to be critical of someones looks, but I would think this guy should put an ad on Craig’s List and be willing to pay $10,000 and maybe, just maybe someone desperate for cash would be his partner. He may want what Sting practices, but needs to be a bit more realistic. I deleted.
By the way these are the usual dating sites, not some weird ones. I have never ventured, even for a good story on those.
Today’s profile I see the guy wants long-term sapiosexual relationship. I was almost afraid to Google this one.
Actually not so bad. “One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature.”
The idea of walking on the beach at night, or as they write kuddling in front of the fire, or having a nice lady take care of me, all seem mild now. I don’t mean to say they’re all like this………..just MOST!!!!!
I have found, since being single for over 11 years, a few things that have not changed. Most of the men want to have sex and then get to know you…..or not. Some men enjoy their own company (in every way) more than really getting to know a woman.
Some are very bitter and angry. I know there are some nice great guys on these sites. I just haven’t found one yet.
I’m still a born again virgin and intend to stay until Mr. Almost Wonderful arrives. One is on the horizon and right now in the fantasy phase….”Getting To Know You”. I am definitely not going in the direction of “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” As I said they very often turn into……”What was I thinking.” Not going to happen.
One of my favorite quotes is “Heard Melodies Are Sweet, Those Unheard Are Sweeter.” John Keats
Perhaps fantasy never lives up to reality……And then again, You Never Know.

Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra

I’m most grateful to have two subscriptions to Lincoln Center Jazz. The genius of Wynton Marsalis and his group of extremely talented musicians fill the audience with soul nourishing music. I would like to share two special quotes about music.
“Without music, life would be a mistake.” Nietzsche

“Music in the soul can be heard by the universe” Lao Tzu

Dance as though no one is watching you, is a favorite quote of mine and seems to be attributed to many and also Unknown….so I can’t credit the author, but I can recommend the words. If you dance for at least twenty minutes, everything seems to feel better and as long as you’re dancing, put on a smile.

Thank you, but No Hummers, Hairpieces, or Hunters

So, I’m actually having some “chats” with some Tinder acquaintances that are not holding a dead fish or tattooed from head to toe.  A few I unmatched, and a few unmatched me before I was able to do the same. One guy was gloomy, sad and had a very dark energy. He said he was a writer and lived on UWS. Not a surprise. After carefully looking at his photo, I decided to see what “his writing” was about. Asked if I could read some and if he was published. He unmatched me. I guess too much info for him to give out.  He also appeared to be as much fun to be with as a migraine or cluster headache. Judging, you bet. That’s what you do on Tinder. Unlike all other sites, especially my favorite, Stitch, there is no profile. Age, photo, and college name, and perhaps one other sentence. You’re basically going on looks alone. Shallow perhaps, but it is what it is. Tinder started as a site for 20 somethings looking to hook up.
Hooking up is not in my DNA. Even if it was Paul Rudd…

They had a positive write-up in New York Times, and their reputation now has changed. I still think I’m the oldest, not even woman, but person on the site.  Of course many catfish. If I suspect one has matched with me, I always say, I’m on writing about catfish, and once volunteered with the police department, having been trained to do so in New Jersey on a Domestic Violence Crisis Team. The red flags fly, but they quickly swim away. I have suggested Stitch to some of the nice guys.

Had all intentions of meeting a few for a drink and then I chickened out. The “seems like a good idea” quickly changing to “what was I thinking?” is something I would like to avoid.

There is a lawyer that very much wants to meet me and that is difficult to refuse since he seems nice. Am I overly anxious to meet him? Not really.

He asked what I was looking for in a man. I thought for a few seconds and came up with this answer. Number one Chemistry. Also important is sophistication,  sensuality, kindness, sense of self and humor, and last but not least, to be genuine and have integrity. Did I leave anything out? Oh yes, age appropriate. ……That always seems to be left out and will also apply to any other comments on my part…..for now…..

Back to the lawyer. I asked him the same question he asked me and this was his answer. “Interesting, intriguing, honest, warm, fun to be around. Playful like a kitten and strong as a lion.”

The playful thing was a little much, and his next message was “are you playful.” I like a bit of sarcastic humor but not sure how he would react if I said, “Well, if you throw me a ball, I may not fetch.”  There are so many ways I would describe myself. Playful would not be in the top ten if we haven’t met.

Gloria Vanderbilt is 91 and still looking for magic to happen.

I’m thinking of taking a course in becoming a magician…

What ever happened to the phone call a single woman might get. “Have I got a great guy for you.”

I will never stop believing in Rainbows, but as I have always said to friends, I wish you realistic rainbows. Enjoy the colors, but find your own pot of gold.


Delete….Verb….to  strike out or remove {something written or printed} cancel, erase, expunge..

In this new age of technology I think people might be added to the mix. On any social network, you can unfollow, unfriend, unmatch.  So easy to just, and I say a bit harshly, get rid of…..Without the most important element. Communication. So much not to say, these days when texting has taken the place of actually phone contact. I do the same thing with one big but. On Twitter and I have almost 5,000 followers, I never unfollow unless someone does to me. Same with Facebook. I don’t unfriend, On any Internet Dating Site, I definitely use the lifeboat and unmatch quickly.

I must have been in a 50’s haze to think  that communication is better than ghosting.

But then again, taking the easy way out is easier for some. DELETE!!!!!!!!


So finally a decision was made about our book. I have a co-author, and we have been writing our book for over 35 years. My husband encouraged us from the beginning to “go for it” and finish. We didn’t. When he died my co-author said ” we are going to finish for Barry”. We  did. A 90,000 word women’s humor fiction novel.  I love this book. I love the concept and the friendship between these two characters, and they are characters.

We went  through the process of trying to find an agent and then a publisher. We had one agent, sort of, who liked the book and sadly  died before she had a chance to take to  publisher. Although the book was written by the two of us, if not for Barbara, the book would have never been in any shape to show anyone. She was an editor and knew how. I can  write, but going on Word is a Process unknown to me, sorry to say. To make this story short, we received only about seven rejections, but that was enough for Barbara to reverse gears. The book sat for quite a while. Several agents said it would make a good movie….now even more so because of great parts for women over 50. It is not against men …How could it be when I had an extraordinary husband, two fantastic loving sons, two awesome grandsons and two great nephews. It’s a fun read with a happy ending.

The publishing business is not an easy one to crack being first time authors. Both of us have been published, but this is our first book. Self publishing always had a stigma, but then a self publisher won the Pen Award and the stigma no more. It’s a way of getting your work, hopefully read, and then you never know. It’s magical thinking of course, but like everything else, something wonderful could be in the future with “our baby.”

To let query letters sit on a desk somewhere or wait a few months to hear yes or no, is just too frustrating and we decided to publish on Kindle as an e-book and Create Space as the print copy…The name of our book is Circle. Please stay tuned since I will be posting  this process.

Having  head shots taken for the cover next week and that should be exciting. We are now changing the ending and receiving copies back from the editor with all the mistakes we knew we never made.

This is our time. This is Circles time. This is a fun and exciting time.

One word of caution to my family….and  friends, past and present. No questions as to how much is from life and  how much is imagination.

Keep tuned………………………………