Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

The End Of Summer

2015

mother nature is a man and other observations..

“Deep Summer is when laziness finds respectability.” Sam Keen….I refuse to use the word depressed. Prefer denial and easier to deal with. Speaking with my brother this morning, a retired psychiatrist who soon will be 85, we briefly touched on the fact that time is fleeting by. As we get older, it does seem to go faster….and yet faster. What I have said before I will say again. “I will not say, where did Summer go.” I know where it went, it just seems like Spring arrived. To over think , will end up depressing me. Magical thinking on my part, is to just stop the clock. Physically I can’t do that, but emotionally I can just stop looking and listening to the ticking away. So as banal as it sounds, and you hear it over and over again. No choice, but to live in the moment and rejoice.Exalt in…

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Overheard Conversation

Metaphor..”a word or phrase for one thing that is used to refer to another thing in order to show or suggest that they are similar.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
Two women talking on the bus. One explaining to the other what a metaphor is….”you can’t go home again.”
This brought memories back to me. High school reunions for one. For me, and this is just my opinion, certain memories should be left back in 1952, when I was a twirler and then a flag swinger. What joy at all the football games and parades. I think if I tried to swing a baton, I would hit myself in the head and get a concussion for sure.
I did go to a few reunions and stopped. We all change of course, but I like changes to be gradual, not all at one time in a large bare room with most not recognizing each other…..and then a really bad dinner. Not to say it doesn’t work for those who love reunions.
I also remember when my husband, and his life long friend decided they wanted to revisit their old dorm room at Wharton. We were at a Penn football game, and then visited their room. The young guys looked at them as though aliens from another planet invaded their space. It was a bit awkward to say the least.
Driving past my home in Maplewood, New Jersey was a jarring experience. Our very beautiful very contemporary home nestled in with old colonials stood out looking so different. We loved the Cubist design. We loved everything about our home. We raised our sons there and celebrated our lives. I remember a humorous story. My youngest son was driven home one day from school. He was about 10. I was looking out the window for him and I saw his carpool drive past our home and in the driveway next door. He waved goodbye and then walked home. After a kiss hello, I asked why he was let off at our neighbors. He said the woman who was driving asked what kind of crazy people live in the strange-looking house. He answered, “Oh they’re very nice.” We had a good laugh over that one. It was a good lesson in not judging and respecting individuality.
It was not a pleasant moment in time driving past memories. It was painful and I fantasized about living there again as a young mother with a wonderful husband and two fantastic sons.
I can’t. I’ll never go home again.
New York City my home now. A pretty good place to hang out in…. New Memories…..

One year ago and still live by these words

mother nature is a man and other observations..

These are words that I read on Facebook and there was no author to give credit …..I  love the words…

Don’t regret knowing the people who come into your life.

Good people give you happiness.

The worst ones give you lessons.

And the best ones give you memories…….

Personally I believe all regrets and guilt…..a complete waste of time and energy. On a personal note, I have had happiness, I have had many lessons, but more importantly I have the very best wonderful memories.

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We All Have Those Moments!

If you’re born with the Constant Cheery gene, than you wouldn’t be in this category..but most of us have those moments that lead to days, hopefully dealt with, and you’re feeling better in a short time. I have always preferred the all natural route, since I do have, as I have said before, a 24/7 therapist….on duty whenever I need her. Me….I don’t pretend to be a therapist and know what’s right for you. I’m not referring to clinical depression or any issue that needs medical intervention. What I’m talking about reactive sadness, or the feeling of low energy and not yourself mood. If you know for sure this is just an emotional cloud that I have occasionally, I know the treatment for me, and perhaps for you as well.
You may be having personal or family issues. You may not be living in the moment as you try to do. You may be overthinking the negative and not focusing on the positive, everything you think has been resolved becomes unresolved. You need high energy to push away the unwanted thoughts. Your gratitude list may need updating. Your meditation is not as calming as it usually is. The list goes on with all the if’s…So how to address. Cut back on sugar. Most of the times, the bad sugar takes your energy, it doesn’t give it to you. Have a piece of the darkest chocolate if you can.
A quick fix that does last if you’re physically able to do? Twenty minutes of disco dancing. My preference is Pure Disco. Dancing never fails to raise my endorphin’s, giving a natural high. Dance like nobody’s watching, is a quote that has been attributed to many, too many to write down, but they are not my original words……the meaning behind them? Dance like a free spirit. Dance to the music. Dance as if you haven’t a care in the world. It’s great because you have on the rhythms of the universe, not the world.
Hope your joys are like waves in the sea, washing away your sadness, and mine.

mother nature is a man and other observations..

Selective memory, as you get older, is just plain wonderful!!!!!

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My Point of View

Sorry for spelling errors in first draft

mother nature is a man and other observations..

The next post I’m doing has to do with my experiences on Internet Dating Sites and my conclusions. I’ve spoken to many men and women who do feel the same, but this blog is from my truth. I don’t try to speak for all. Trying to pass on my experiences that might make this difficult process easier. I repeat this often. My truth comes from observations and never from anger. Thanks to followers. I appreciate each and every one of you who read my words. If you can relate and I reach you, that gives me joy.

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A few experiences that might be of interest to anyone on or going on Internet Dating Sites. All observations, not from anger, but from my truths.
First, may I quote some words I read recently. I wish I remembered where and who may have said them. If someone wrote this, please leave in comment section, so I’ll be able to remember and credit.
“Having sex with a man is one of the easiest ways to send him packing. Once a man has intimacy with you, he no longer has anything to imagine or desire from you. If he’s interested, he would try to get to know the person you are.”
1952??????? No 2016!!!!!!!
For the past 11 years, I have had many opportunities for such a meeting. Have sex and then get to know someone. Not exactly the wave length I’m on. I don’t judge. If that works for you, so be it. For me never. The body parts I would like to know first? Heart and brain definitely.
The quote for me, is not frozen in the 50’s. It’s no big secret that men can have sex with no emotion. I have been involved in women’s issues for many years, and most women that I have spoken to, can’t separate the emotion from the physical. Some can.
I was promised recently a “memorable experience” that I would never forget. I never found out. A one time experience is not on my bucket list. Well, maybe if Paul Rudd insisted!!!
Sex is so easy. But making love is an art form and a gift. Perhaps the memorable experience.
My mantra? Stop a creep before a creepy experience. Not “going for it” is a freeing experience. It’s a matter of what’s right for me. Dignity is part of my DNA………
My husband died almost 12 years ago. I never compare anyone to him. No contest, and that would be unfair of me. I was definitely open to finding a new love. It hasn’t happened. I have been pro active but not even close to being with another man. I was not going to settle for emotionally challenged men. My marriage had ups downs and ups. He was my anchor and we had a soul connected love. He called me “his butterfly.” Every card for every occasion had a butterfly and his words to me always, ” You’re like a butterfly. Beautiful……. that you let go of and it flies back.” I did….and we flew together for so many wonderful years.
So, what was being offered to me on the dating sites, I wasn’t interested 99% of the time….
Emailing, texting, phone conversations. Talking and planning. Fantasy takes over. Reality drifts away. The more you continue to communicate without meeting, the more intense the fantasy is nourished and grows, on both sides. Enormous amount of time and energy wasted.
In my experience, the chemistry (fantasy) can be fantastic on-line, and then in person, a complete zero.
I was never disappointed or sad. I became empowered. I would say to myself, lesson learned.
……….and this is what I learned.
You’re communicating with a stranger until you meet in person, and then they can be even stranger!
I stayed on Tinder because I met two interesting men. One a selfless interesting humanitarian. The other a pilot who just wasn’t as interesting in person as he was on paper. The humanitarian is out of the country more than he is here. I’m almost positive I will not meet him in September. This is my lesson learned well and I will practice immediately.
If you meet someone on-line. Limit yourself to a few introduction emails. Then ASAP for a coffee/tea in a public place. You avoid yet again, the long journey from fantasy to reality.
“Heard Melodies Are Sweet, But Those Unheard Are Sweeter.” John Keats
Maybe, never meet.

PS The last Stitch event I gave in Virginia was a most joyous experience.
The story…A widow for 13 years in Chicago. No children. She met a divorced man from Virginia. They emailed and talked for a short time. They met on Stitch.net and fell deeply in love. She moved everything to his home in Virginia and at the cafe shared their joy. We all felt their happiness and were beaming the entire evening.
Happily ever after. ………………………………..You never know!!!!!

The next post I’m doing has to do with my experiences on Internet Dating Sites and my conclusions. I’ve spoken to many men and women who do feel the same, but this blog is from my truth. I don’t try to speak for all. Trying to pass on my experiences that might make this difficult process easier. I repeat this often. My truth comes from observations and never from anger. Thanks to followers. I appreciate each and every one of you who read my words. If you can relate and I reach you, that gives me joy.

September Morning

Neil Diamond has a touching song called September Morning. I love the melody and lyrics. This September I may just have happy memories to replace a very sad September morning almost twelve years ago. I practice meditation and yoga, and try very hard to live with magical thinking, but also reality based. If there is anything to write about I will. At the moment it’s just a lovely moment in time.
He travels the world and is totally selfless and interesting how he gives of himself. A relationship would never be……..on the other hand, a memory that would be everlasting isn’t such a bad idea at my age, or any age. When will an opportunity like this happen again? I can’t predict. We spent a lovely evening together in Virginia.
To keep in touch we text. If nothing else, I have met a very interesting man. Someone I’ve not met in all the years of being a widow. No one that matters. No one I would ever like to be with.
I believe strongly in serendipity as he does. It’s all about……if meant to be, it will be.
…………and I will play September Morning, some morning in September.

A day of reflection. Sad in some ways, but more joyful when I remember. Not all you have missed, but the results of your wonderful parenting skills. You were not only a hands on Father when in the 50’s, that was unusual and unique, you were loving, supportive, and beyond fantastic. When the boys called you from their rooms three flights down, to help with homework, ( and I had no clue about math), no matter how tired you were at the end of the day, you were there totally. We were a family that made communication a priority…..in every way. We instigated a Sunday morning family council meeting. It was in no way democratic. It was total dictatorship. Majority did not rule. If the boys and myself voted for, and you voted against, it was your decision. Well this was before women’s lib, but in our home, changes were taking place quickly. You were 100% fine with the new rules of the council meetings. Majority wins.. No problems, no drama, and no complications. Anything was allowed to be said, and no restrictions on vulgarity. The boys could say whatever they wanted to, and about each other and they did…….. being 18 months apart, one can only imagine the surface tormenting that went on. I refuse to name the tormentor. I love him and the tormented far too much. The council meetings lasted for as long as I can remember. We were a completely connected family and have remained, always there for each other. The word love isn’t quite strong enough.
Barry, you would be so proud of your sons, not only devoted and caring to me, but loving husbands, and fathers. They are strong role models for Tommy, Taylor, and Danielle. I know you look after us. I know in my heart and soul you know, and your wonderful eyes and smile are shining down on us….. Our Guardian Angel, our Sunflower. Our sons Forever Father.

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