Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for the ‘women’s issues’ Category

Tinder EtcEtc

I know I said I would never go back on, and of course that’s why there is the expression “never say never.” I did meet a selfless humanitarian last year who is totally unavailable emotionally and physically. Met him twice and and thrice won’t happen.
This post will be all over the place because I would like to bring up the two interviews I had. Global News Brazil and New York Post. Both videos that took hours and hours to shoot for a two minute segment. Fun and hopefully some women somewhere will be inspired.
Back to Tinder. Chelsea Handler talks of her experiences with Tinder on her show and I couldn’t imagine her being on this site with so many catfish swimming around. I recently found out that there is something called Tinder Select. You have to be a celebrity or chosen to be part of this inner sanctum. Obviously, I haven’t been asked, and see the usual types on this site. I’m not saying that some miracle might happen, and you meet someone nice. That is very rare and would love to hear some great experiences. You might say why go on again. Well, its not a vodka or wine decision since I don’t drink at home, lonely or sad decision? Not really, I don’t allow those. I have practiced and live a mindfulness life….Too busy being grateful, and have no room for the negative thoughts. I seriously even practice yoga laughter. Perhaps curiosity or false hopes push me to the app.
Going back, there are some of the same men who seem to be regulars. God, I hope I’m never going to be a regular and show up all the time. Same half-naked guys who are holding dead fish, next to their trucks of choice, tattooed all over, and something new…..holding guns and some wearing “make America great again” red hats. Some liberal guys actually put on their profile– ‘if you voted for trump swipe left”. The usual cuddly ones who want to cuddle and walk on the beach at night…. I swipe left more times than ever taking a chance, because if they sound and look great, they are usually catfish. The dishonest profiles have red flags waving as I said in a past post. I have new blog followers and Twitter followers and repeat my warning. The men are always terrific looking, all American types, they are widowers, generally raising a child, jobs take them all over the world, and their texts are filled with spelling and grammatical mistakes. I have spotted over a dozen in two weeks. They are only dangerous to men and women who are vulnerable and lonely and fall for the garbage they write. Immediately they are in love with you and want your contact information and give you theirs. Unmatch immediately if you see the danger signs. Eventually they will probably ask for money. Rarely do they ever want to meet. Most are from other countries and have stolen photos and fake identities from profiles. Haven’t met one guy on recently that I actually want to meet, and have a strong suspicion I will go off very soon. I don’t know for sure, but almost positive that I’m the oldest person on Tinder. I have a new “golden rule.” They must be older than my sons and that is non negotiable. Harold and Maude is not my style.
I hope to have the link to the Granny Production video that will be out soon. The Global News Brazil was wonderful for Stitch. Michelle and Ni were fantastic and hundreds of new followers joined I was ok, but my living room looked pretty.
I just read Grace and Frankie will be back on March 24th. They both are in the sex toy business. Vibrators for the older women, and it’s looks hysterical. The video I am on with my free spirit friend Ronni addresses solo sex and the older woman. I’m not interested in becoming the spokeswoman for solo sex, but it certainly beats the alternative of no sex. My purpose always has been to inspire and hopefully after watching the video, women of a certain age, might have a smile going on, and the feeling, “Well that felt good!!!!!”
Stay tuned……

Global News Brazil

I was asked to do an interview and talk about the Stitch Community. I’m always happy to do this, because I believe so strongly in their vision for a site that literally stitches a community together. People from all over the world connecting with each other. I know this personally. I met a great new friend from New Zealand. Last year June was a stranger, and this year visiting as a friend. It will be a joy to see and be with her again. Makes the world a smaller place. Tomorrow night having dinner with two new friends who attended the Stitch Comic Strip event
So two producers, a camera person and assistant came to my apartment and they were all terrific. I trusted them immediately and felt very much at ease during the process. It took over five hours. It was for a news show in Brazil that talked about different ways of aging etc etc. There were two women that I wanted with me during this interview because I knew their input would be high energy and positive. Michell and Ni, I thank you because as Ni said after seeing the tape, “we were all on point.” Marcie and Andrew from Stitch were pleased and the best news was they had large spike of new members.
The process was somewhat strange because I’m not that familiar with editing and finished product.
As I said they were here for over five hours and the finished product? I think the entire coverage of the three of us was 3 minutes. Marcie on tape fortunately was able to talk in more specific ways about Stitch and that was the point. My only problem…….we were three pretty savvy women talking about age, men, and lack of men, and so many other subjects. Good stuff that sadly couldn’t be shown because of the time restraint.
Just saying, interesting, very interesting conversations we had…..somewhere in the universe I guess…..

To Mothers of Sons

I often use the word daughter to describe my New York daughter in law. Jokingly I told my oldest son to please bring home an orphan. I always wanted a daughter and just knew I would have a third son. I had two wonderful fabulous sons and there was no guarantee of a daughter. Perhaps all women would like to have one.  My younger son married first and I remember meeting his wife for the first time. We laughed together. I told her she had a mom, (a fantastic talented terrific woman) but she could always use another good woman friend. As mothers of sons, we should ask for two things, the third is a bonus. Someone who is a good wife and mother. The daughter in law part is the extra. Working for years on a women’s hot line, unfortunately it can be a terrible relationship. I heard horror stories and some of my own to add…….but I don’t want negativity in this post.  So my older son did marry an orphan and at my 65th birthday celebration, she toasted me by saying “she was looking for me her entire life.” as I was looking for her. They also live where I live. When I go to California, my daughter in law makes sure I go to  parties they attend and I do laugh more in California than anyplace I go to……even New York. She and my son have a sense of fun. Not that I don’t have that in New York, but California is a vacation and I look forward to being with my family and some of their friends are my friends…..on Facebook too. Extra bonus.

One of life’s joys is being loved by the ones you love and I believe I have that. I can’t wait for both my daughters in-laws to be mother in- laws………..and while I’m thinking……grandmothers too……wanted to add that it’s a pretty good feeling raising sons to be really terrific husbands and fathers. A purpose realized.

Body Image (for women only)

I never thought I had any body issues……slender all my life so weight never a problem. I have been doing yoga, walking, weights, forever……but at almost 100, well not exactly, but goes without question, your body ages. It comes with the vintage title. Not complaining, just observing.  Health is the all important issue.

Now to the gritty part…there is one answer to all the questions…Just not a pretty sight.

I don’t scrutinize myself when I get out of the tub/shower. Easier not  to look. See above why.

I once told a nameless almost, who shall remain that way, that “maybe but under the covers and with only a  tiny votive candle for lighting”.  A red Burka would replace any thought of lingerie that I purchased on Ebay for $28. Poor investment since nothing ever happened. Fortunately.

So, I stopped wearing sleeveless tee shirts years ago….moved to cap sleeves…..then graduated to above the elbow…not too long when below the elbow, and that worked for years. See above why.

Anyone know where I can buy fine cotton tee shirts, not made in China, that go to just below the knuckle?



Women and Choices?

I would like to say in no way do I consider myself a therapist or expert in women’s issues. I AM a woman, and I have lived to an age where one hopes wisdom arrives at the same time. Through my volunteer work, when I lived in New Jersey, another lifetime ago, and up to today, I have spoken to hundreds and hundreds of women of all ages. 18-98. For  good reasons, women relate to one another.  My words  do not come from anger, nor  am I  a male basher.  I had the most wonderful husband, have two devoted loving sons, and grandsons…Never had horrible experience with a man. The only rejection in my lifetime, a pretty good record, and not about to repeat here, was and is on my blog A Short Sad Story. Allegory/Alleglory was about a humorous, bright, good-looking guy,I believed enjoyed himself more than wanting any kind of relationship. He said he was sincere, but intuitively I thought otherwise. Acquaintances now, and enough said about that


No matter what strides women have made since the feminist movement, and there have been many. College and career choices …….. but what about  socially? Just had  conversation with some women in their 20’s. A man still has to say the magic, to some, words, “Will you marry me.” Even calling a guy after a date is not easy. Women generally wait  to hear first. Women in their 30’s say a man may take you out twice and things were great…Did he call a third time?  Now what? She finds out he’s taking out a woman in her 20’s…… Sadly many women I have spoken to 65+ may miss the human touch in a very real sense. I know the word sex is rarely mentioned in the “vintage” community, other than to make fun of, in a less than dignified way, Personally I will say, a sad void in my life unless one wants to count “self-love.” Not exactly the same,  perhaps for some, better after listening to various experiences women have  had. I One man said, and he thought it was a compliment,  “you could get laid by any guy out there.” Well, it’s going to be 11 years and that hasn’t happened. Also need  to add on a a personal note,  that  is not easy for sons to separate the woman from the mother. They are definitely not  interested in the words yearning , needs,  etc. The word companion sort of appeals to them. They would love to see me happy, but not so much interested in what would really make me happy. Back to that ridiculous remark. Most women, not all, are very much interested in a man making love. Sadly not that many men know the art and it is an art form.

The choice women have? Not so sure……………………………………………My choice though is the  choice of not searching for some illusive dream. I will never give up the hope there might be someone wonderful out there, but he will just have to be in my path  so I can see him. It’s all a matter of luck……in my opinion……


I mentioned that my granddaughter put me on Tinder,and eventually going to write about it,  when I can process the experience. Mostly awful, and I had nothing to do with the original thinking of Tinder. I have  said before that the term “hooking up” for me denotes a hospital bed with many tubes. The young version of “hooking up” sounds just as disastrous. The swiping to the left if not interested, and to the right if interested is somewhat of a ritual. It was fun at first doing with friends and the fun quickly turned to  sadness…….Definitely Not for me. Actually any dating site is not for me. My friend Edith who died at 98 told me to never look for a man. “He will find you.” Well Edith we will try your way now. Dating sites for a devout romantic…….Well they don’t go together like a “horse and carriage.” Which by the way should be banned in New York City…..but that’s another story. Until I write the post on Tinder. I went out all of twice. The first one was the funniest……but the second one was a genuinely nice guy. From California. Had lovely conversation and more things to write later. Friendship will reign. I would be so happy for him if he found his wonderful next love………..I am relieved to say, Tinder is no more. I deleted account this morning. Very empowering I must say.

Speed Dating………………..Not So Fast

I always wanted to try speed dating. I do make snap judgements, and have rarely been wrong. I would know within five seconds if there was chemistry or not. Of course all speed dating is for the young, and it seems over 65 is considered somewhat old. I don’t know anyone including a 90-year-old acquaintance who uses the word old. I once said labels are out, but if I had to have one, vintage works because it’s value increases with age. I wish an article in a major magazine could be the voice for women 65 plus plus. Amy Schumer did a hysterical comedy routine about women over 50 being unf…….! Worth a Google. So back to Speed Dating. Had the opportunity for 65+ and naturally none of my friends wanted to go. My friend since five years old finally said ok, but alas no room. This was a venue for 12 men and 12 women. All  sorts of rules and regulations. Had to be there 5 for meet and greet, and then the five-minute meeting, and then the quick writing about your feelings. At the end, there would be a tally to see who matched. I brought additional pen and paper because I was going mainly to experience and write about. Not being negative, but I know I will never meet anyone that way. A devout romantic, so  for me it has to be eyes meet in the subway sort of moment……bus or street would also work. So far it’s almost 11 years and no magic has happened. I wrote Allegory/Alleglory and Short Sad Story. First one was based on a true story and second was true. Some men have a close intimate relationship with themselves and no room for anyone else. Problem with first.

So I was getting ready for the Speed Dating event, going myself. Waiting for the Crosstown bus, since it was a distance away, I got a text saying they had a cancellation, and if my friend wanted to go she could. My excitement for the day was growing. Serendipity of course, Susan had to go and when I called her, she actually said yes and she would meet me ASAP at the bus stop. We live a building away. I love to be early and it was getting later and later. Mr Wonderful was waiting. Susan arrived and I insisted we cab  down. I rarely take cabs. Too practical, but we had to be there on time. In the taxi, no traffic and we arrived on time. I insisted on paying the fare. That should have been a hint. $26….Susan being the friend she is, treated me to a drink days later. So, we arrive. This is the scene. Four angry-looking women on a bench. One rather sad older man. Me and Susan. I wondered “where was everyone.” …….remembering the money I just wasted. Oh, and almost forget another man who literally ran away. No great loss. That gave the remaining a good laugh. No one cared that he left. By 6 the young gals who were running this “thing” were lovely and so apologetic for the outcome, or non outcome. They had cheese, wine, and crackers and Susan and I sat  with the two young gals and talked about the situation. The angry women left. The one man stayed for a bit.  I gave my spiel about how little women have progressed socially. Yes, you can become a fire or police person, doctor, lawyer and perhaps even an Indian Chief….but bottom line. A man still does the proposal and if you do go out and never hear, are you going to do the calling? Few do. Face it without anger… is and always has been a man’s world.

Just another experience to write about. So off my list is Speed Dating. Next? Tinder…


That Happiness Thing

We all want happiness in our lives. Most of us want as little drama as possible, and prefer things, if good, to stay and not change. Life is all about changes and challenges, and how we handle them is  important. I have  heard that we are dealt  cards and need to deal with the cards we are given, or at least learn how to play. I can only speak from my point of view, and I love to feel the joy that comes with having family and friends who understand me, and we lovingly nurture each other.  Lately though, I have had focused on my voids. the ones I try so  so hard to understand and  resolve. Not allowing  them to define me. Then I can practice denial. Seems to work the best for me.

I have been a widow almost 11 years, living with the mantra that I had  much to be grateful for and exalt in my children,  grandchildren and friends. Ones purpose changes as  lives change. Good health can never be taken for granted. A very close friend of mine has breast cancer, and when I am with her, I am  impressed with her strength. My complaints seem to pale to what she is dealing with, always keeping our conversations very positive. I feel  she will survive this ordeal.

If you read my blogs, perhaps you know of a most recent one called Short Sad Story. We often allow others to sap a most important element in our life. Our positivity. We enable them. We empower them or the situation at the time. The secret and very difficult at times, is to take power back and give it to the one person who can make it better. Ourselves. We hear over and over again to be our own best friend. Perhaps overused, but nevertheless, so much truth within the words. You  then treat yourself with as much kindness as possible, and also anyone in your  path. Not always easy because there will be people  who think differently and are  limited in many ways. Their level of kindness, warmth, consideration, not in great working order.  I believe in karma, and you never wish anyone bad karma, because they create their own.  Their karma will come back to haunt them when they knowingly hurt another person. Your happiness doesn’t depend on their unhappiness. Many of these people must be weeded from Your Friendship Garden. The more you weed, the more  flourishing  plants fill the holes.  Some voids can rarely be filled and that is one of my points.  When my husband died, my grief was unbearable. In time, I was ready for a new love. That has never happened. Not even close. Not a whiner at all.  Living  in a city with so much  energy, family and friends near by can be exciting……but the buts sometimes prevail…. I think I read over 700 thousand single women. The best and worst place for a single woman unless perhaps in your 20’s or early 30’s.

I know I will have many women  disagree with me, but I sincerely think that living and being alone is abnormal. We all have different needs,and not all women, have or have had great passion in their lives. The absolute joy in knowing the feeling of fantastic chemistry and attraction. Being in love with someone who loves you back The closeness, absolute. So fulfilling……and the feeling of happiness is all-consuming, taking away emotional pain. A contributor to your well-being.  When that emotion is missing and realistically, no matter how positive or how much magical thinking you do, the truth is there. I could be alone the rest of my life. Not necessarily lonely, but very much alone. It is a daunting thought. Something you make a peace treaty with.  For ego, I could count the many men who wanted more than I did. I hardly went out on a date more than twice, so a relationship not possible. I admit that I do have high standards and did when I was 15. I met my husband when I was 17 and married at 20. There could never be anyone like him. I am smart enough to know you don’t replace a great soul connected love, but you can have another love that can be wonderful. I  never did. Not even close.  At my age, chemistry and attraction are just as important as they were when I was a teenager. If that element is missing, I couldn’t even begin. That has not happened, but had some kind of experience  in Short Sad Story……although that would have surely been a short-term state of craze, seemed like a good idea at the time thing.  My happiness cannot totally  come from another person because it can be taken away one way or another. Thus the statement “be your own best friend” isn’t as banal as it sounds. It’s wisdom and truth. I happen to have a therapist 24/7.  Me…..and much needed because I am always working on this person. It’s ok to feel the voids and sadness and disappointments , I call them pity parties, but you can never stay too long at the party. If you  emotionally make a list of all that makes you happy, and what makes you unhappy, your grateful side, hopefully wins. The battle with yourself is lifelong to be the best you can be and not let the letdown of others constantly let you down. Happiness is so illusive…….grateful is everlasting.

“Love is, above all, the gift of one’s self.” Jean Anouilh

Being Single is Not Easy, Especially When It’s Not Your First Choice

New York City is not the place to be a single woman. It makes no difference how old you are. I have spoken over the years to hundreds of women, and the tragedy seems to be the women who really want to get married and have children.  Your thirties to forties goes very quickly and then what? I am not one to complain since I had a long wonderful marriage, and when I became a widow, dating was not an option. I went out, but rarely if ever went on a second date. My choice, so my ego was in tact. If I had a daughter in her thirties I would advise her to move. It seems many couples meet in college and marry in their twenties. Then you have the guys who literally are in a candy store and not that interested in settling down until their forties. ………who do they choose, women in their twenties ,

and  where does that leave the ones in their thirties. When I lived in New Jersey, I had a friend who worked in the city. She periodically asked me if I knew any men to fix up women in her office  who were having problems finding guys. On line dating sites and now Tinder and Stitch are offering even more choices, but are there as many men on these sites as women? Are women a drug on the market? I believe Joan Rivers said that a woman in her forties is finished, and a man who can drive and has money in his 90’s is a catch or something like that. For many women in their sixties and over, they have told me they have given up even trying. The demographics for them would be men much older than they are interested in. It’s not easy and definitely not getting easier. What has become a choice is motherhood.  If a woman wants a child, she can have one without being married. That was not a choice years ago. Progress was made. I spoke recently with women in their 20’s and  socially they haven’t made so many strides. If they go out on a date or two, they want the guy to call them for another date. They are reluctant to be the one to call……and when it comes to marriage? Who is the one who makes that decision?

I will never do anything that would demoralize me. Going to specific single events is not something I do, something like a meat market and I am a vegan. Very unappealing and the bar scene or club scene would be worse. I just don’t go. I was though recently intrigued with a speed dating evening for 60+. That took place last night and I need to process the experience before I actually blog about it. I will give one hint. It was a disaster. More to come.





A Catfish Personality or Not????

I might  be doing a post on experience with what appeared to be a catfish personality. He or she never  asked  for money, but something more important.  Trust. At my age,and with my  experience volunteering with the police department on  a domestic violence crisis team, a rape support team with the hospital,  years in dealing with women’s issues, I was certainly not the type to take the bait of a catfish. Not formerly trained, but have what is called “street smarts.” My purpose has been to inspire, and  write about  topics that would be helpful, and that  women could relate to. My email is on my blog, and would appreciate any stories you would like to share about experiences with a catfish. They are pathological liars and growing all the time on social networks. Women take the bait because they are looking for emotional and romantic connections….  Some simple rules to follow. If name is not on goggle or some social networks, it’s probably fake. Don’t think their  photographs are real, if you don’t meet, you don’t know. Spend as little time as possible emailing and chatting. After a few, meet and if not possible, then video chat. They won’t do that because you will see the real person. Talking on the phone is not enough proof.

I was doing a little research and baiting as well, because I wanted to beat him/her at their own game. Not easy to do. I sent pictures which I would never advise doing, and my email which also don’t do under normal circumstances. You have to know they have a need to deceive.,  you don’t want to be  their victim. Any stories that are sent to me, please know I will not use your name. You might feel empowered taking the power from the catfish and sharing your story.

Catfish belong in the sea, not in your life…..A liar is a liar is a liar.

Interesting,  when I confronted the person, they took offense and said I was paranoid instead of realizing they originally sent me false pictures , told me we would have a video chat which we didn’t,  false information about not having children, and other lies. They took little responsibility for why I lost trust. Emailing once again, they said everything from now on would be truth. Still no video chat which would prove somewhat who they were. I can’t  prove 100% that I was right, but in the beginning it was all lies and that was enough for me.

Perhaps this is all I need to say on the subject. This was not a pleasant experience, but one to learn by. A disappointment perhaps, but  just another one of life’s experiences that turn into lessons.