Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for May, 2013

Just an observation

I have over 50 friends and acquaintances. I have none who have a blog. Many don’t even use the computer. A few on Facebook and fewer on Twitter. My granddaughter has over 1,000 friends on Facebook; I have 11. Perhaps, I don’t belong!…but then again, I just joined, and the “friends may come out tomorrow.”

Interfaith issues

If you are interested in articles published on interfaith issues, please check the website and search Paulette Mann. Thank you.

Facebook and Twitter

I am welcoming myself to the 21st Century. Hope my blog will be more visible using other social networks. Also have new phone to replace the flip that kept saying old person to me every time I flipped. So, I guess,¬† anything is possible now…….or not…

Sleepless in New York

It’s 3:am amd “one of those nights.” Insomnia makes you want to go to sleep in the worst way, and sleep just doesn’t cooperate, and becomes your enemy. So what do I do? I think, and what really happens is everything that has been resolved in my life, becomes unresolved, and the demons who lurk in the darkness are tossing about as much as I am. Overthinkng becomes dangerous to peace of mind, and without discliplined thinking, your mind can take you to dark places. As I have said previously, pity parties are part of life, just don’t stay too long at the party. The grateful list vs the void list works most of the time; grateful always winning.. A good film called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, had a poigant line spoken by Judi Dench who is a 77 year old widow, playing a 77 year old widow. She said when asked about being lonely “you get up in the morning and you do the best you can.” I have practiced Hatha Yoga for over 35 years and balance is very important, both physical and emotional. Hopefully the almonds I just ate will make me sleepy, if not a little dose of xanex when all else fails and off to sleep at 3:30…———————and just like that,a new dawn.

Less is More

I hope my words make sense to the readers. Not attempting to be esoteric, but in my world, silences, can be so loud and clear, and allow your intuition to come to the surface, but then again, how do you know when you are over- reacting to your own set of emotions? Ummmmmmmmmmm!!!!

Some of my favorite words

I do hope I haven’t overused, but some of my favorite words, that some of my favorite people totally get === in case any interest………………………….integrity, gracious, honest, respect, trusting, sensitive to the feelings of others, non violent, kind, charitable, nourishing, (food and people) sincere, genuine, positive, nurture, love……and so many more.

Something so simple

I realize certain sounds are just not there when I wake up every morning in NYC. (at least I wake up!) This is not a complaint, just a thought. The simple sounds of birds singing used to give me so much pleasure…the lovely feeling that comes from the inside out. I hear sounds of jazz at Lincoln Center, powerful harmony sounds of a symphony at Carnegie Hall, sounds of laughter so good for the soul, at a favorite comedy club in the neighborhood, sounds of brilliant words spoken on and off Broadway, and the list goes on….but the sweet sounds of birds waking me up are sorely missed. I tried a sound machine and instead of working, almost drove me insane. Happy Weekend to everyone…and take the time to enjoy all the sounds of joy and sounds of silence…whatever works.

A Better Place

Have you ever thought…………..there has to be a better place? A very advanced planet I would think. After Avatar opened in New York City, I read an article stating that many patients were telling their therapists, how depressed they were, because they actually wanted to live there….a place where exotic animals and plants seemed to be the rulers. I often think of some idealized world. No cruelty ever to children, women, animals, no wars, no guns, no politicians,no greed, spirtuality replacing religions that preach violence, equality for all, kind weather conditions and kindness to each other, no deceit or lies, and the list goes on and on…There was a song in the 50’s called I Can Dream Can’t I…. and I forgot something important…not necessarily a chicken in every pot, since that would leave out the vegetarians, but what about, a man for every woman who wants one. OH MY… Just had a reality check. Perhaps the song from Man of La Mancha?……..The Impossible Dream.

Rainy day lament….feelings

As I write this, I am  thinking of not publishing…..but then again, I think, why not talk about feelings, when they are so much a part of who I am, and others who have no problem talking about theirs.  I do know after talking to women and men , that many keep feelings inside,and find it annoying and difficult to bring up anything that resembles emotion. I just loved the line in Silver Linings Playbook, one of my favorite films, when the words “do you feel that?” were asked the male lead Pat, and Tiffany said, “that’s emotion.”   I  went to a therapist once, who told me  I was the most romantic woman she  ever met,  I never forgot her words.  Self therapy works better for me.

Whatever works, as long as it’s not negative, and hopefully with positive results, I would never judge. We need to be emotionally balanced.  The price I pay for the sensuality and sensitivity gene, is high, and if there are any believers out there, I’m a Taurus with a Pisces Moon, and ruled by Venus. For you, I don’t have to say anything else… I’ve had astrologers and I don’t go very often, look at me, shake their heads and say, what joy you can feel…and then!!!!! Not whining, since not allowed in my karma, I have experienced such grateful joys that are beyond verbal description, and I do live for future ones as well. I have so many single friends, but only maybe one or two, can I ever talk about yearnings and unfulfilled desires, the unspoken words of “women of a certain age” Although more and more are coming out…A few recently, Barbara Walters who was quoted as wanting to marry again, Martha Stewart going on a dating site to find someone to wake up with, Debbie Reynolds who wishes she had more “experiences” and Jane Fonda in a love relationship at over 75..  My loving sons find it difficult to separate the woman from the mom, and understandable.  I so enjoyed when Anderson Cooper spoke of his mom’s tell all book when she was in her 80’s…he laughed and said he loved and accepted her, even though he was quite embarrassed by some of her stories. So, what’s the point of all this? I guess after almost 9 years of being without my husband,and no new loves in my life, I just have to keep on believing that there is someone out there who is looking for me as much as I am for him…not searching ,   a heavy  word for me that doesn’t fit… Just the one who will be put in my path. This is a quote I read from an unknown source…”Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” …and I know the sun will come out…… soon.

Easy fix

So many years ago, my husband and I would go for dinner with friends…sometimes up to four couples. Social noise enveloping the evening most of the time.
Drama began when the check arrived, the men waiting with their cards in hand to split the check……one friend who owned his own business, would literally dive for the check, seriously, sometimes spilling the left over wine, in his quest.
“Oh, I’ll just put it on my card, and you guys can give me the cash.” Glancing at his charge card, I noticed, and he noticed that I noticed, it was his business charge. I shall call him Roger (not even close)…He quickly said “hey it’s my business and I pay the bills.” My husband and our friends would never be described as stingy in any way, but this was always an annoyance to us. I wondered if the IRS knew of these periodic cash dividends being given….Roger and Leslie went out at least five times a week. You do the math. He was fortunate never to be found out.
Fast forward to now. Alone and paying my own bills……………..I went for dinner with a friend and her friend. A mistake in the making, because I had eaten a late lunch, and wasn’t hungry, but my friend asked me to please join them. So the friend of my friend starts off ordering two drinks, and in New York, that alone, can be $40. Then the tasting menu,and that was $80, and yet another glass of wine. The house wine was lovely and that is what I ordered,and no food. Her wine was about $18 and mine was $11. The bill arrives and the gourmand said “why don’t we just split it? So much easier.”
I almost choked on my last sip of wine. “Oh, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t expect you to pay for my dinner anymore then I’m willing to split.” I was smiling and did say it in a gentle, but firm tone. “Here’s $17.00 and that should take care of tip and tax. I was more than generous. Needless to say, I never wanted to have another dining experience with her.
I have noticed over the years, my eating habits have really changed. I have been a vegetarian for over thirty-five years, and always preferred appetizers. I do enjoy a glass of wine, but huge portions, both size and price, really turn me off, as much as sharing a check with major differences. I enjoy the small plates many restaurants now offer.
The word empower, has never been so empowering, since I learned how to say “separate checks please.”