I often wonder what is on the ceiling of the elevator, when people are all looking up at the ceiling, or eyes fixed on the numbers .making sure the elevator is stopping at their floor. Not too much social interaction, so after moving to New York, I didn’t find anything of interest on the ceiling and I did trust the elevator not to get stuck…so my method is this…upon entering, a lovely smile, but no verbal interaction. Saving that for last..Upon leaving a simple “enjoy your day or night” seems to work.
These were the words that always greeted us when we drove to Maine. I love fried clams and eating them gave me the reason to over indulge in tartar sauce. A vegetarian for most of my life, avoiding all animals I could hug or have some sort of ET (film) relationship with. Being in Maine during hunting season, you hear the frightening sounds of guns shooting deer. I envision tee shirts printed with the deer driving pick up trucks and humans strapped on top of the truck with their orange shirts….but still a most beautiful place to vacation with magnificent lake views to behold..and for the many who don’t mind eating lobsters that are boiled alive….and by the way, I also stopped eating clams..
Grief surrounds you. Grief shadows you relentlessly..grief overwhelms you. The music stops. Your life as you knew it stops. You try to cope the best you can….and during this time of sadness, the people you thought were your friends were judging and questioning your grief. The intensity of one’s grief parallels the intensity of the relationship one is grieving for. The simple act of breathing becomes unbearable. The loving family and friends were there, walking side by side, on your side. One morning, many days, weeks, months later, a little sliver of sun shines on the darkness and life begins again slowly. But, laughter does not come so easy…..and may I add that eight years later, what I have learned in my life, is to focus on the moment and exalt in all that I am grateful for and I have so much love surrounding me. I try not to think about the large void in my life. I do allow myself a pity party every so often and I never stay too long at the party. Tears may flow, but I can stop them by my positive thinking of all that is good. I did this by myself without medication or therapy. Of course would never put down what works as long as it’s positive.. Many new books echo what Norman Vincent Peale said so many years ago, In The Power Of Positive Thinking.
True, soul connected love never dies, that’s how guardian angels are born.
“Fashion can be bought, style one must possess.” Always gave credit to Oscar Wilde but just gave credit where credit is due.
Friends are like beautiful plants. You nourish and cherish…but then, what happens when even friendships of over 50 years don’t work any more…no fighting or arguments, just too many differences the years have brought…..what to do? Just like a Garden of Love, the toxic plants must be removed to allow new growth. For every toxic person you let go of, a new free of hostility friend will come into your life..the same way you do physical cleaning, emotional cleansing is just as important. It’s not the years of a friendship, that really count as much as the quality of understanding and compassion for one another. Letting go does get easier since you are letting go of negative energy ,and making room for all that is positive. Your Garden of Love will be a visual and emotional place of beauty and serenity.
I published an article in New York Woman four years ago called I Wish I Were a Lesbian. I wrote what I wanted to be received, as a humorous and poignant bit of a lament being suddenly single after a almost 50 year marriage to a wonderful man..almost 35 were perfection years. It seemed that every woman I met was terrific, genuine, and my favorite word for people, places, and things, integrity…and not all, but pretty much the crop of men were very very limited emotionally..I never went out more than once. I will post the article shortly. I felt validated when a lesbian couple together, for almost 25 years read the article and loved it..printing and sending to many of their friends and the comments were the same…Most women are on the same emotional level and as some very smart married men say, “a happy wife is a happy life.”…but the others who rarely get married, are so closed off emotionally, they have no clue what makes a woman joyful emotionally and physically, and sadly DGAS…A long marriage doesn’t necessarily mean a good team oriented one..the statistics prove that one out of two marriages end…something is wrong, and clearly not just the man’s fault. Romance is such an illusion and lasts about two years for most..so the fantasy of romance, that first glimmer of sheer joy, has to be maintained with mutual respect and care. Most couples are not best friends, and the long marriages that I have seen are basically companionship..and if that works, great…and the rare few that carry on intimacy into their 90’s…how terrific is that!!!!..so if you have young inept men, unless they become students in the art of how to be a passionate man, sadly a lost cause. In my opinion and experience, a loving Mother teaches her sons to be good husbands….an art form..perhaps a new performance artist at MOMA might be a good idea..or the media in everyway..look at all the books, films, tv shows and the list goes on showing how a woman is satisfied…and statistics show it just doesn’t happen that way..and porno that young boys may watch..is that what they use as a manual?..Instead Coming Home with Jane Fonda and Jon Voight should be compulsary in high school for male students along with Clitoris 101…
My very first post, I noticed a spelling error and of course, not sure, but did try to rectify..guess it takes a while to get the hang of it. so having been involved in women’s issues for so many years, I have heard the voices of many…some in quiet tones of resolution and others quite angry with their challenges of being single in a couple world. Yes, we do not want to be known as whiners and complainers, and certainly not good for the soul..But, so many of us are completed or old souls, but still working on what makes relationships thrive..and then what happens??? You meet a man or a woman or new friend, and wonder if they are from another planet. I have a philosophy that works and it doesn’t come from a negative place…just always working on yourself, even though for the most part, at over 70, we are completed in many ways..This applies to friends, lovers, almost lovers, relatives and the list goes on..If You don’t care, I care less..It works and then if it doesn’t, the very gentle words of I don’t give a f… or I don’t give a s……So IDGAF…or IDGAS…if said as a mantra several times a day, it might save you thousands of dollars in therapy..Enjoy your day and remember it’s the treasured people and moments in life that sustain and comfort and support you…not the OTHERS!!!!
I became a very unwilling widow at 70…member of a club I never wanted to join..In the last eight years, I realized if Mother Nature were a woman, there would be so many more choices for women..A 70-year old man in NYC is this years Brad Pitt..a 70 year old woman is a drug on the market..Aging seems to work for men. not so much for women..How many 80 year old women have the choice of being with a younger man..Please tell me your stories. I was involved in women’s issues for over 50 years, volunteering with the police department on a crisis intervention team re: domestic violence and a rape support team at the local hospital, and manning a hotline called Women in Self Help. I am not an angry woman, by the way, but realistic in my fantasy world, the way life ought to be…Just adding that Mothernatureisaman is my attempt at the poignant and often humourous experiences women have when living alone. Not every blog will refer to my experiences as a single woman, but more often. just life as I live it and remember…always trying to have old memories, and new hopes….you never know
on March 27, 2013