Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for September, 2014

Je Voyage

Remarkable Charles Aznavour at Madison Square Garden, New York City. His farewell tour. 90 years young performing, his beautiful voice for over two hours, and even dancing a bit. He did sit for a little, but most of the time moving and singing from his heart and  soul. Romance personified. Evoking vivid memories for me of another time, another lifetime ago. He sang in  French, English, and  Spanish. He introduced his song Je Voyage with a little story. An old man was sitting on a bench in Paris. He was sitting next to a young woman. She asked him what he was doing and he answered her…”I’m traveling.” Where to she asked?. “Through my memories” he answered. Then he asked her the same question. She answered that she too was traveling. “Where to he asked?.”…….To her future she answered. …………………………………………Our past…is past….Je Voyage….Thank you Charles Aznavour for giving the audience your talent for a magnificent performance…through my memories, forever.







Fear Instead of Joy

Very excited about going to Madison Square Garden tonight to experience Charles Aznavour. Possibly his last tour. One of the most romantic singers from France, and hopefully most of his program will be in French. There should be no feelings of fear, Just sheer  joy in going. Things have changed though, and I feel frightened. Living in New York City , one has to realize we’re a target . I have learned to live with that reality, but not obsess .. If not, I would stay in my apartment under the covers. We don’t live in fear. If we did, then “they” have won. New York City is one of the greatest cities in the world, and yet……………………. If I lived in another state, I wouldn’t think of the possibilities. This is where power over  mind must play a part in my life. Over-thinking causes over-thinking. The presence of so many police due to high security should be comforting, but it’s the reverse for me. Going to such a large venue, and then next week to Yankee Stadium makes me apprehensive, and you can’t help but think. It just can’t happen, but sadly it can.

Madison Square Garden….evening of pure joy…safe and sound….


We are faced with changes every day, and how we deal with those changes can make or break us. Simple ones like summer to fall. Serious changes like loss. Happy ones like additions. Some of us think that everything happens for a reason. People come into your life and out of your life for lessons. Mistakes are not failures if positive changes happen. Experiences can enhance our lives, and we need to exalt in the simple things…Able to get up and out and do what we like, and be with the people we enjoy. Taking for granted as we get older is never an option and the younger you are when you realize this, the better. Personally, being grateful is paramount to feeling  alive. Living in New York City is sheer joy for me because I am  surrounded by creative  energy and diversity. I do stay away from the age thing, but denial can go just so far. Reality does exist. I do believe in realistic rainbows. I love the colors, but not looking for the pot of gold. Creating my own filled with loving family and friends.  My reality is not reading the depressing news, but knowing as in golf, I am on the back nine. Not so bad…….to still be in the game, although I haven’t played in ten years. Golf is very much like life. “A contract that your mind makes with your body, that your body has no intention of fulfilling.”….but that one great shot is worth it all. You never own the game, but you can still find the pleasure.                             “Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into tranquil joy.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Kindred Spirits

You never know when you will have someone in your path. People come in and out of your life for reasons we might not understand at the time. Kindred Spirits have a soul connection that happens rather quickly. It can be as mundane as chatting on the crosstown bus, Lovely Land of Twitter, or for the matter anyplace you happen to be. Generally a smile is the beginning, but if on social network, it can be an emotional smile across the miles.  Spiritual minds do think alike…..someone else might read this and think, CRAZY….but then again someone you might have known in another lifetime is right in your path…..again.

A Lifetime Ago

Ten years ago today, my life as I knew it was over. I had choices, and made the choice to leave New Jersey where I lived with my wonderful husband and move to New York City. I re-created myself, not easy to do. Barry, I know you would be  proud of me. I am forever grateful for what was and what is now.

Domestic Violence

I was watching CBS Sunday Morning, and appalled at the latest figures in violence against women by their intimate partners. In the news once again, since a football player is shown beating his wife on a video . The NFL should police themselves and not hide behind the fame of the players.  There should be zero tolerance for this behavior. Call to Action is long due to protect women from their abusers.  One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. The voices of the abused must be heard, yet so many victims never report the abuse. Facts from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: 85% of Domestic Violence victims are women. The consequences can cross generations and last a lifetime…Three to four million women in the United States are beaten in their homes each year by husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers. Many fill out the temporary restraining orders, and then fail to go to court to make them permanent. Very often, when a woman decides to leave, she is murdered. The experience a woman suffers is terror and helplessness. She feels isolated and doesn’t tell her family and friends. She has nowhere to turn, especially when there are children, and they witness the beatings and at times are also victims. I was  taught  never to judge why they stay, either for financial or emotional issues.

I was trained by the State of New Jersey to serve on a volunteer  domestic violence crisis team, and worked closely with the police department. In New Jersey, they have a haven for walk in victims to come to the station, and a team member would arrive at any hour. We were on call 24/7 to listen , give comfort, resources and most important safe houses for them  and their children.  In our training, as much as you wanted to say “are you crazy for staying?”….that was not an option.We were not there to impose our opinions . We  were there to listen.We were just what we were…a crisis intervention team . We were advised to say the six most important words to a victim.

Do you think you deserve better?

Yesterday, When I Was Young

Charles Aznavour so mood evoking and brings back memories of dancing together. September 13th is a day of reflection and remembering to remember you, The two of us together… I remember you dear Barry with love, not sadness. Today you would have been 84. You were so young and vital at 73. Eleven  years ago. Missing you for the rest of my life. Celebrating today who you were and who you are to me today. Forever comforting.

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you….I could walk through my garden forever.”   Alfred Tennyson

Humility and Gratitude

I am forever grateful for all the comments you have sent me. I answer every one, because I am humbled by those of you who appreciate, and  take the time to comment on my posts. Many years ago. whenever anyone asked me what I do, I always said “I write” never “I’m a writer.” Once I was published years ago on and New York Woman,  and now writing for mothernatureisaman, URAWarrior, and Bershan Shaw, I feel I can say ‘I’m a writer.”….with great pride. I know my husband would have been very proud of me, and I feel his positive energy and love every single day, even though he is no longer physically with me. A grief therapist I met only once, and then emailed for a year, told me “he’s only in the next room.” I told her I looked and he wasn’t there. I now  know exactly what she meant. It just took me a few years to realize he became my guardian angel. When you dearly love someone so much, they never die, they never emotionally leave you, and spiritually are with you always. My comfort…Finally finished 80,000 word women’s humor fiction novel with my co-author and friend of over 35 years. Took about that time to finish. Whatever happens with our book, we did it. We both wrote our characters and content of book. I am very technically challenged, and could never have put the book together, but she did, and now we have two versions. One I like with all the back story, and one she likes with the back story integrated. The publishing business is difficult at best, but we are going forward. Hope is an emotion I hope to have until my last breath. So here’s forever hoping our book is seen or read.  Realistically, I believe in our book more than me ever finding another soul mate. A most positive realization, not negative in anyway….because… never know…the word hope never leaves me. Whenever I feel the need for some positive reinforcement, your comments do the job, and for that I am deeply grateful for all of you who have shared your words with me.   Thank you, Paulette

Fall…….”Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” Betty Friedan

I once wrote that the season of  Fall reminds me of older women. One day, in their glory like  gorgeous shades of fall leaves,  then  shriveled up and  slush in the streets. That was years ago, and I have since become an older woman. Naturally, I no longer think that way. Instead, I have chosen the denial route. Most of my friends avoid the number discussion,and mortality is rarely if ever discussed. Seems to me, why discuss. As long as denial works, and I do think for me, it’s a productive descriptive word, then use it to your advantage,  Nothing negative about denial, when it makes living well worth living in the moment. I do have one friend that I talk to once a week. She never has a conversation without saying the word old. I firmly believe that if you have your health, and feel old, then you are old. Other friends and some up to 97 say over and over again.,,,, Age is just a number, not a limitation They seem ageless in their outlooks on everything… Of course I do  notice a few changes in myself, and then denial appears,,. Lighting is everything. Look at  televisions stars. In person you  see every flaw, and with  flattering lighting, perfection….some women ….even with some “work” done still don’t look totally natural.  So what’s the answer?  Only look at yourself  in good lighting, and don’t overspend your time scrutinizing every little line and droop. Seriously if you smile , it’s amazing what a quick fix lift you have. Good nutrition and exercise a must.  Pay attention to not being in the sun without protection, and always moisturize…. if you don’t live in a hot climate, organic extra virgin olive oil is a good inexpensive one. Speaking of virgins, we have mostly become born again virgins, but nothing should stop you from engaging in a one on one…Not difficult to figure that out. In my apartment I do walk as if I am 102. Falling is the number one accident you don’t want to have. I read that most women are in nursing homes because of broken hips. I have all beautiful tile floors and I would prefer not laying here for a week, and then playing bingo the rest of my life. Just going to touch on that subject, If I can’t take care of myself, by myself, I may have to move to Oregon. Quality of  life is essential. Not judging anyone who  lives in senior places, whatever works.  As long as I can, I want to see diversity in all areas of my life. Shoot me is my answer to my children, who for some reason do not find that humorous. Guess denial works for them as well.  But enough of reality. Reality sucks! If I want reality, I can read the newspapers, so full of violence and more violence, that I avoid. Avoid and deny. I can’t do anything about it. Politics is a subject that is very foreign to me as are politicians, most anyway. Love reading articles about the arts, culture and any feel good information. I seem to be giving myself many many choices now. Be around nourishing positive people, listen and use all your senses  for what is kind and loving. Sounds  banal??? It actually works if you can manage it. Let negative people go.. You have no choice but to Spring ahead, even though Fall is here…..just to add, all those positive women I know in their 90’s, never talked about being dried up formerly beautiful leaves. It’s all in the attitude. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” George Bernard Shaw……I just read this to my youngest son (54)  calling me from the  West  Coast, and he wanted me to add. “Don’t associate with the falling leaves; instead the everlasting tree with always surviving roots.”