mother nature is a man and other observations..

Domestic Violence

I was watching CBS Sunday Morning, and appalled at the latest figures in violence against women by their intimate partners. In the news once again, since a football player is shown beating his wife on a video . The NFL should police themselves and not hide behind the fame of the players.  There should be zero tolerance for this behavior. Call to Action is long due to protect women from their abusers.  One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. The voices of the abused must be heard, yet so many victims never report the abuse. Facts from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: 85% of Domestic Violence victims are women. The consequences can cross generations and last a lifetime…Three to four million women in the United States are beaten in their homes each year by husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers. Many fill out the temporary restraining orders, and then fail to go to court to make them permanent. Very often, when a woman decides to leave, she is murdered. The experience a woman suffers is terror and helplessness. She feels isolated and doesn’t tell her family and friends. She has nowhere to turn, especially when there are children, and they witness the beatings and at times are also victims. I was  taught  never to judge why they stay, either for financial or emotional issues.

I was trained by the State of New Jersey to serve on a volunteer  domestic violence crisis team, and worked closely with the police department. In New Jersey, they have a haven for walk in victims to come to the station, and a team member would arrive at any hour. We were on call 24/7 to listen , give comfort, resources and most important safe houses for them  and their children.  In our training, as much as you wanted to say “are you crazy for staying?”….that was not an option.We were not there to impose our opinions . We  were there to listen.We were just what we were…a crisis intervention team . We were advised to say the six most important words to a victim.

Do you think you deserve better?

Fall…….”Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” Betty Friedan

I once wrote that the season of  Fall reminds me of older women. One day, in their glory like  gorgeous shades of fall leaves,  then  shriveled up and  slush in the streets. That was years ago, and I have since become an older woman. Naturally, I no longer think that way. Instead, I have chosen the denial route. Most of my friends avoid the number discussion,and mortality is rarely if ever discussed. Seems to me, why discuss. As long as denial works, and I do think for me, it’s a productive descriptive word, then use it to your advantage,  Nothing negative about denial, when it makes living well worth living in the moment. I do have one friend that I talk to once a week. She never has a conversation without saying the word old. I firmly believe that if you have your health, and feel old, then you are old. Other friends and some up to 97 say over and over again.,,,, Age is just a number, not a limitation They seem ageless in their outlooks on everything… Of course I do  notice a few changes in myself, and then denial appears,,. Lighting is everything. Look at  televisions stars. In person you  see every flaw, and with  flattering lighting, perfection….some women ….even with some “work” done still don’t look totally natural.  So what’s the answer?  Only look at yourself  in good lighting, and don’t overspend your time scrutinizing every little line and droop. Seriously if you smile , it’s amazing what a quick fix lift you have. Good nutrition and exercise a must.  Pay attention to not being in the sun without protection, and always moisturize…. if you don’t live in a hot climate, organic extra virgin olive oil is a good inexpensive one. Speaking of virgins, we have mostly become born again virgins, but nothing should stop you from engaging in a one on one…Not difficult to figure that out. In my apartment I do walk as if I am 102. Falling is the number one accident you don’t want to have. I read that most women are in nursing homes because of broken hips. I have all beautiful tile floors and I would prefer not laying here for a week, and then playing bingo the rest of my life. Just going to touch on that subject, If I can’t take care of myself, by myself, I may have to move to Oregon. Quality of  life is essential. Not judging anyone who  lives in senior places, whatever works.  As long as I can, I want to see diversity in all areas of my life. Shoot me is my answer to my children, who for some reason do not find that humorous. Guess denial works for them as well.  But enough of reality. Reality sucks! If I want reality, I can read the newspapers, so full of violence and more violence, that I avoid. Avoid and deny. I can’t do anything about it. Politics is a subject that is very foreign to me as are politicians, most anyway. Love reading articles about the arts, culture and any feel good information. I seem to be giving myself many many choices now. Be around nourishing positive people, listen and use all your senses  for what is kind and loving. Sounds  banal??? It actually works if you can manage it. Let negative people go.. You have no choice but to Spring ahead, even though Fall is here…..just to add, all those positive women I know in their 90’s, never talked about being dried up formerly beautiful leaves. It’s all in the attitude. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” George Bernard Shaw……I just read this to my youngest son (54)  calling me from the  West  Coast, and he wanted me to add. “Don’t associate with the falling leaves; instead the everlasting tree with always surviving roots.”