Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for August, 2014

The End Of Summer

“Deep Summer is when laziness finds respectability.” Sam Keen….I refuse to use the word depressed. Prefer denial and easier to deal with. Speaking with my brother this morning, a retired psychiatrist who soon will be 85, we briefly touched on the fact that time is fleeting by. As we get older, it does seem to go faster….and yet faster. What I have said before I will say again. “I will not say, where did Summer go.” I know where it went, it just seems like Spring arrived. To over think , will end up depressing me. Magical thinking on my part, is to just stop the clock. Physically I can’t do that, but emotionally I can just stop looking and listening to the ticking away. So as banal as it sounds, and you hear it over and over again. No choice, but to live in the moment and rejoice.Exalt in the fact you are healthy. Not something to ever take for granted. I did hear a humorous story, that if you are over 65 and get up in the morning and nothing hurts, you’re dead. You do arrive at a certain age, hopefully with some wisdom to pass on to anyone who will listen. You also learn very quickly that there are no do overs….but there are new beginnings. Fall for one. So the best thing is be mellow, chill out and enjoy those last lazy hazy days of summer, and look forward to the crisp air of Autumn. They even wrote a song about “Autumn in New York.” and when the polar vortex arrives this Winter? “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

Category:

feelings

Honesty/ Trust Expectations

Often wonder why people are unable to be honest. Many hide beneath insincerity, and others hide behind truth. A friend told me a story of someone who not only unfriended her on Facebook, but blocked her as well. She never knew why. It was a mystery, and she of course wanted closure. I told her my favorite saying and personal philosophy….with a smile of course. “If you don’t care I care less.” It did get me thinking though of why someone would do that. She actually thought the person was a friend, not someone she saw socially, but an acquaintance, that I told her was the problem. The person should have never been on her Facebook page. Only friends should be on Facebook and that is why the list is called Friends. I’m on Twitter, and not often, but there are times when people unfollow you. The loyal followers stay and so many become lovely connections. When someone tells you how spiritual they are, or how much you should trust them, I personally am very wary. People you trust completely never have to say “trust me.” I try very hard to have high expectations for very few, and then, I am never disappointed. I did have a friend once who stopped getting my blogs because she thought I was referring to her when I brought up people with negative personality vs those with positive energy on a post I wrote. Had nothing to do with her, but as the saying goes, “if the shoe fits.” etc etc. It never hurt me at all. If we all think of times that people may have disappointed us, think if you had unrealistic expectations. The friends and family you consider to be your “emotional transfusions” will never hurt you, and if they do, then search within yourself, why you gave them so much power to begin with. When you empower yourself, and take the power from others or the situation, you achieve inner peace and emotional strengths. Wonderful Wonderful tools to use in your life. Negative energy is all around us. Just reading or listening to the news. It’s so much easier to live in the positive lane of your life. One of my favorite quotes to live by….”For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.” Plato…..Be careful who you trust your emotions with, and always know the heart and brain must work as a team…

Category:

feelings

Alone

There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I think there’s a big difference, or maybe I talk myself into thinking that way. We can use our mind to talk ourselves in and out of whatever we want. I choose to think that for the last ten years, I have learned to live alone. I have also learned not to think of loneliness as an option. I live in New York City. The city that never sleeps….I have the choice of going out 24/7 for food, hairdresser, movies, shopping in all night drug stores, and whatever. Have I ever gone? Will I ever? No of course not. Forever forever grateful for all the family and friends in my life. As I always say, my emotional transfusions. Actually only people who live alone know exactly what it’s like living alone. You eat alone, if someone actually cooks, you cook alone, you watch television and listen to music alone, you wake up and go to sleep alone. You are alone. There are so many single women in New York City, the numbers are huge. So, as many of us do, you find something lovely about being alone. You can eat anything at any hour. You can watch whatever you want. You can You can You can……anything and everything…..but who wants to really? After many years women accept their fate and say things like…..”I love being alone. Who needs a man? Who wants to be a nurse or a purse? If a man came through my roof, that would be the only way I would be with one. I never want to do his laundry. Maybe one in my life, occasionally in my bed, but never in my apartment.”
For me personally, I love what Betty White said, “I had the best, who needs the rest.”
But, and a big but. Occasionally when alone, a ten second pity party and let the tears flow. I just can’t stay too long at the party. Sheer joy is being in love with a man who loves you back. Just remembering takes away any lonely feeling and brings me comfort and joy, and even hope….still…..
Hey, it’s almost 8pm and I didn’t have lunch. Dinner can be anytime and great left overs from a family favorite restaurant night….in a basket while I watch television.
Alone yes, feeling lonely no. Do I love living alone? Of course not!!!!!!

Category:

feelings, women's issues

Time

I asked my friends in a very nice way not to say “where has the time gone.” I know where the time has gone and is going. Very Very quickly, and the older we get, it seems the faster it goes. I remember as a child, the long delicious days of summer seeming to last forever. Now they are showing fall and winter clothes in New York City shops. I find back to school pencils a bit annoying at this time. I do believe that should be illegal and stores fined by showing back to school in July and women’s fashions galore. Let me just enjoy August before it’s Labor Day. I decided this year to wear only white and bright colors all summer. Why? Because all the years before, it was October, and I realized I never wore my summer clothes. I do have a pact with some of my friends to never discuss the passing of time and not to ever say, “where did July go.I can’t believe it’s August.” I mean what is the point of noticing. I once read that “denial is a wonderful thing.” Thought it was Kitty Carlisle. Not only is it, but selective memory is quite a comfort when living alone and over-thinking becomes over-thinking. Time to get out the candle and clear the mind and meditate for five minutes. I consider myself grateful and fortunate having loving family and friends in my life. Something about a 700 square foot apartment with enough closets, also on my grateful list.The big switch from summer to winter becomes easier. Do I want to think about that now? Of course not….please lets enjoy August. By the way, where did July go? Rejoice in the last days of summer. With global warming, we may even have summer until October. But for those of you who buy new clothes every season, you better get to the stores, before they run out of wools in August.

Category:

feelings