That Happiness Thing
We all want happiness in our lives. Most of us want as little drama as possible, and prefer things, if good, to stay and not change. Life is all about changes and challenges, and how we handle them is important. I have heard that we are dealt cards and need to deal with the cards we are given, or at least learn how to play. I can only speak from my point of view, and I love to feel the joy that comes with having family and friends who understand me, and we lovingly nurture each other. Lately though, I have had focused on my voids. the ones I try so so hard to understand and resolve. Not allowing them to define me. Then I can practice denial. Seems to work the best for me.
I have been a widow almost 11 years, living with the mantra that I had much to be grateful for and exalt in my children, grandchildren and friends. Ones purpose changes as lives change. Good health can never be taken for granted. A very close friend of mine has breast cancer, and when I am with her, I am impressed with her strength. My complaints seem to pale to what she is dealing with, always keeping our conversations very positive. I feel she will survive this ordeal.
If you read my blogs, perhaps you know of a most recent one called Short Sad Story. We often allow others to sap a most important element in our life. Our positivity. We enable them. We empower them or the situation at the time. The secret and very difficult at times, is to take power back and give it to the one person who can make it better. Ourselves. We hear over and over again to be our own best friend. Perhaps overused, but nevertheless, so much truth within the words. You then treat yourself with as much kindness as possible, and also anyone in your path. Not always easy because there will be people who think differently and are limited in many ways. Their level of kindness, warmth, consideration, not in great working order. I believe in karma, and you never wish anyone bad karma, because they create their own. Their karma will come back to haunt them when they knowingly hurt another person. Your happiness doesn’t depend on their unhappiness. Many of these people must be weeded from Your Friendship Garden. The more you weed, the more flourishing plants fill the holes. Some voids can rarely be filled and that is one of my points. When my husband died, my grief was unbearable. In time, I was ready for a new love. That has never happened. Not even close. Not a whiner at all. Living in a city with so much energy, family and friends near by can be exciting……but the buts sometimes prevail…. I think I read over 700 thousand single women. The best and worst place for a single woman unless perhaps in your 20’s or early 30’s.
I know I will have many women disagree with me, but I sincerely think that living and being alone is abnormal. We all have different needs,and not all women, have or have had great passion in their lives. The absolute joy in knowing the feeling of fantastic chemistry and attraction. Being in love with someone who loves you back The closeness, absolute. So fulfilling……and the feeling of happiness is all-consuming, taking away emotional pain. A contributor to your well-being. When that emotion is missing and realistically, no matter how positive or how much magical thinking you do, the truth is there. I could be alone the rest of my life. Not necessarily lonely, but very much alone. It is a daunting thought. Something you make a peace treaty with. For ego, I could count the many men who wanted more than I did. I hardly went out on a date more than twice, so a relationship not possible. I admit that I do have high standards and did when I was 15. I met my husband when I was 17 and married at 20. There could never be anyone like him. I am smart enough to know you don’t replace a great soul connected love, but you can have another love that can be wonderful. I never did. Not even close. At my age, chemistry and attraction are just as important as they were when I was a teenager. If that element is missing, I couldn’t even begin. That has not happened, but had some kind of experience in Short Sad Story……although that would have surely been a short-term state of craze, seemed like a good idea at the time thing. My happiness cannot totally come from another person because it can be taken away one way or another. Thus the statement “be your own best friend” isn’t as banal as it sounds. It’s wisdom and truth. I happen to have a therapist 24/7. Me…..and much needed because I am always working on this person. It’s ok to feel the voids and sadness and disappointments , I call them pity parties, but you can never stay too long at the party. If you emotionally make a list of all that makes you happy, and what makes you unhappy, your grateful side, hopefully wins. The battle with yourself is lifelong to be the best you can be and not let the letdown of others constantly let you down. Happiness is so illusive…….grateful is everlasting.
“Love is, above all, the gift of one’s self.” Jean Anouilh