Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for February, 2015

Magical Thinking

Magical thinking can be wonder-filled, as long as your wand is realistic…..

Control Controlling…A Good Thing

Hearing the word control or controlling conjures up a personality that I avoid strongly.  I did have some controlling friends once upon a time ago. They were part of My Friendship Garden that I pruned . When you do that, it’s amazing how quickly a new and beautiful plant appears. One that forever stays. But, getting back to the control issue. I have been told in a loving, not critical way by family and friends, that I am very disciplined. I do believe the practice of the philosophy of Buddhism attributes to that aspect of my personality. Also practicing yoga for 40 years and a strong consumer interest in nutrition. When my sons were young, they would trade brown bread and peanut butter and jelly for white wonder bread and marshmallow fluff. Now they say “Mom you were ahead of yourself.” I was I guess controlling as far as what they ate at home, but not in an obsessive way. They both had a sleep out and when they came home raved about the wonderful dinner they had, and why I can’t make them the same delicious dinner. They described in detail the  chicken, veggie, apple sauce, cookie,  and all in a great tin container. I called the mom even though I knew they were raving about a TV Dinner. A stranger in our home.  So anyway, their big treat when we had plans to go out, and they were with a sitter,  was one of those. Eating or using a cosmetic with something  that I can’t spell or pronounce is a no-no. I have a label now, a pescatarian, a  vegan who eats fish and eggs. When you live a healthy life style, re exercise, nourishing food and people, it becomes natural. It would be counter productive if it was work. Diets don’t work. People generally lose 40 lbs and gain back 45lbs. That is my definition of a diet. Changing your life style takes control….controlling yourself…..and that is the point of this post. Being able to have control over yourself is what gives you the discipline over your food intake, exercise, and just as important, especially for me, controlling my  thoughts. When my husband died  suddenly, I was in shock. My grieving process took a very long time. You get over, but never forget. In the process, I had to let go of judging questionable friends who questioned my grieving. However making your life easier in a positive way is worth trying. I had to take complete control over me. My thoughts, my activities, my friends, my life. I decided to make a grateful list and I had so much to be grateful for. The huge void of not having my husband with me could not make everything else meaningless. I learned how to compartmentalized. It is such a mellow feeling  to think happy, not sad. Grateful, not taking for granted.  The important decision I made was to run away, and yes I did run away from New Jersey to New York City. One of the best decision I made, and it was immediate. I took control even in my grief. Having wonderful devoted loving family helped of course. I lived with my son, “daughter” and granddaughter for 18 months. I knew it was not going to be a forever thing. I had to create my new life. My favorite saying is my family and friends are my emotional transfusions. So control is definitely not a negative in my perspective. It’s just me I’m controlling…..But, to be honest I do try with my children to very gently advise them on good nutritional habits. At times they listen. Most  of the time I will hear….”Mom stop trying to control.” ……….Who Me?????


A New York Thing….Gym Etiquette

This was originally posted on URAWarrior. 2/2/15…A little trilogy.  I wrote Mail-room  and Elevator Etiquette. My posts are on URAWarrior and Bershan Shaw.

I am grateful to have a small gym in my apartment building. Considered a bit of a wow factor in New York City. There are general rules that have to do with safety, guests, children, and wiping down equipment after use. There are no rules for courtesy or friendliness.

A bonus for me when  I enter is to turn on the television to a station of my choice. First one there, you are the controller of the remote. I personally am not fond of depressing news, or any doctor giving symptoms of emotional or physical illnesses. When I exercise, I enjoy mindless TV. I am only on the treadmill for 45 minutes. What a difference a year makes. It was always 3 miles in 55 minutes. Still feel good doing  2 miles in 40 minutes. But, there are those times when someone else gets there first, and then you are at the mercy of the remote control, controlled by someone else, and you grin and bare it, hoping their routine is over shortly. Some are wearing headphones listening to their music, and the remote is available. Most are grunting and rarely ever wave or say hi. If you are not the “hi”type in the elevator or the mail- room, the gym is no different. I am perfectly fine with silence, and not looking to make life long friends in these typical New York places of non-acknowledgement. “No problem,” I say to myself. What I am not fine with, is the guy who shall remain nameless, who perspires profusely, and never wipes down the equipment. He just gets up and leaves. Now what? I certainly am not going to be the gym police and inform him of his carelessness. The treadmill literally dripping and quite gross. I say nothing. I’m a before and after wiper.

With some humor, I observe a few competitive moves going on  when  a few are in the gym at the same time. A guy can be on the treadmill or one lifting weights. When a young woman enters, it seems (a coincidence?) that speed is quickly rising as the amount of weights as well. Grunting increasing. The gym has never been a competitive arena for me or a social event of the day. I just think that in between the grunts and heavy breathing, a small wave or hi would be sufficient……………………………………………………………..and of course a wipe down upon leaving.

Valentine’s Day Day….Go Away

  1. This was originally posted on URAWarrior February 2014. February 2o16.. So this year , no new love, but having fun family love time in Virginia. Celebrating my niece’s father in laws birthday on 14th. Lovely celebration. Forever grateful for the most important joys in my life ❣💗💓💗💌💓🌈🌷🌺

Three women. One widowed for nine years, one woman divorced unhappily for fifteen years, and one woman married and miserable for forty-five years. Their solid friendship for many years cemented by their sense of self and sense of humor, One woman asked the origin of Valentine’s Day. The other two chimed in “who cares.” …..but, said the first woman. In 1537 England’s King Henry V11 declared February 14th the holiday St.Valentine’s Day. So would any of us prefer King Henry to our own company? Absolutely not the three said and laughed.

So what to do on a totally commercialized romantic evening? I love you cards. I love you balloons. I love you cakes and cookies , and jacked up prices on I love you flowers. No matter how high your self-esteem, who buys this stuff for themselves.? Oh, maybe a new red lip gloss from Sephora might be fun. Know thyself, and stay as far away as possible from lingerie shops, card shops, candy stores, and Tiffany, should also be avoided. Too many men leaving with that small aqua shopping bag.

Staying under the covers watching The Way We Were is torture. Only if you enjoy self-torture go for it. Reading love quotes should also be avoided. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

These women do not lack strength or courage. They have the love of each other and family. They are each others emotional transfusions.They do not whine. They know all that they are grateful for.

However………bottom line…..Valentine’s Day sucks when you’re alone. February 15th will only be a  day away. Having hopes and dreams! February 2016 is only a year away.



Why when you see photographs of men and women over 60, are they mostly old and sickly looking. Why not sensual and sexual? Why not vibrant? Why not Why not Why not???? Jane Fonda at 77 ! I don’t want to go  down the list. You can Google men and women in any field over 65 and see pretty terrific vital people. If you go to the doctor, chances are in his write up, you are considered elderly. I have never liked labels of any kind, and wish age was just a number, not a limitation. Not judging but just read about the owner of the Patriots. Again just observing. His wife died at 68 in 2011 after a long marriage and  four children. His net worth about $4Billion. Also a nice looking man. Educated. Article said he was very depressed after  his wife’s death. People close to him said his actress girlfriend (beautiful) helped pull him out of his sadness. She is around 34 and he is 74. They look perfectly wonderfully happy together, and again not to over state, I am not judging. I would like to know of one story of a grieving widow who has a man 40 years younger to help her with her sadness…..Not a  Harold and Maude joke, just a lovely story.. But, it would be a joke, because the choices women have are far different than the choices men have. That’s just the way it is…..


Well, here it is February….and what used to be a state occasion, Valentines Day, is just  another day. I wrote Valentines Day Go Away last year and will re-blog again this year with a different year. Not much has changed in my romantic life and I’m ok with that. I have the most beautiful loving memories of my husband, and that will stay with me for the rest of my life. A new love? Hardly! Not even close…..and I’m ok with that. So, on the 14th, there will be no cards from my husband, no flowers from him, no romantic dinner. But I will be ok. I have treasures in my mind. I enjoy beautiful cards from family. Different yes, but I’m ok with that.

February 14th will be a wonderful occasion, just without the romance. Love yes…a dear friend is celebrating a very special birthday. We will have dinner at one of her favorite restaurants and then experience Dianne Reeves, Jazz at Lincoln Center.

I focus on all that is positive in my life. Celebrate and rejoice in what I am grateful for. Feeling well, living and enjoying one of the greatest cities in the world. I’m a tourist in my own city. The idea of celebrating a friend with another forever close friend is enough for me to enjoy Valentines Day in my own way. Would I love to go dancing? You bet and very much. Just no one to go dancing with……..but I am very ok with that..

Happy February to all. New Month, New Hopes