mother nature is a man and other observations..

Control Controlling…A Good Thing

Hearing the word control or controlling conjures up a personality that I avoid strongly.  I did have some controlling friends once upon a time ago. They were part of My Friendship Garden that I pruned . When you do that, it’s amazing how quickly a new and beautiful plant appears. One that forever stays. But, getting back to the control issue. I have been told in a loving, not critical way by family and friends, that I am very disciplined. I do believe the practice of the philosophy of Buddhism attributes to that aspect of my personality. Also practicing yoga for 40 years and a strong consumer interest in nutrition. When my sons were young, they would trade brown bread and peanut butter and jelly for white wonder bread and marshmallow fluff. Now they say “Mom you were ahead of yourself.” I was I guess controlling as far as what they ate at home, but not in an obsessive way. They both had a sleep out and when they came home raved about the wonderful dinner they had, and why I can’t make them the same delicious dinner. They described in detail the  chicken, veggie, apple sauce, cookie,  and all in a great tin container. I called the mom even though I knew they were raving about a TV Dinner. A stranger in our home.  So anyway, their big treat when we had plans to go out, and they were with a sitter,  was one of those. Eating or using a cosmetic with something  that I can’t spell or pronounce is a no-no. I have a label now, a pescatarian, a  vegan who eats fish and eggs. When you live a healthy life style, re exercise, nourishing food and people, it becomes natural. It would be counter productive if it was work. Diets don’t work. People generally lose 40 lbs and gain back 45lbs. That is my definition of a diet. Changing your life style takes control….controlling yourself…..and that is the point of this post. Being able to have control over yourself is what gives you the discipline over your food intake, exercise, and just as important, especially for me, controlling my  thoughts. When my husband died  suddenly, I was in shock. My grieving process took a very long time. You get over, but never forget. In the process, I had to let go of judging questionable friends who questioned my grieving. However making your life easier in a positive way is worth trying. I had to take complete control over me. My thoughts, my activities, my friends, my life. I decided to make a grateful list and I had so much to be grateful for. The huge void of not having my husband with me could not make everything else meaningless. I learned how to compartmentalized. It is such a mellow feeling  to think happy, not sad. Grateful, not taking for granted.  The important decision I made was to run away, and yes I did run away from New Jersey to New York City. One of the best decision I made, and it was immediate. I took control even in my grief. Having wonderful devoted loving family helped of course. I lived with my son, “daughter” and granddaughter for 18 months. I knew it was not going to be a forever thing. I had to create my new life. My favorite saying is my family and friends are my emotional transfusions. So control is definitely not a negative in my perspective. It’s just me I’m controlling…..But, to be honest I do try with my children to very gently advise them on good nutritional habits. At times they listen. Most  of the time I will hear….”Mom stop trying to control.” ……….Who Me?????

Valentine’s Day Day….Go Away

1. This was originally posted on URAWarrior February 2014. February 2o16.. So this year , no new love, but having fun family love time in Virginia. Celebrating my niece’s father in laws birthday on 14th. Lovely celebration. Forever grateful for the most important joys in my life ❣💗💓💗💌💓🌈🌷🌺

Three women. One widowed for nine years, one woman divorced unhappily for fifteen years, and one woman married and miserable for forty-five years. Their solid friendship for many years cemented by their sense of self and sense of humor, One woman asked the origin of Valentine’s Day. The other two chimed in “who cares.” …..but, said the first woman. In 1537 England’s King Henry V11 declared February 14th the holiday St.Valentine’s Day. So would any of us prefer King Henry to our own company? Absolutely not the three said and laughed.

So what to do on a totally commercialized romantic evening? I love you cards. I love you balloons. I love you cakes and cookies , and jacked up prices on I love you flowers. No matter how high your self-esteem, who buys this stuff for themselves.? Oh, maybe a new red lip gloss from Sephora might be fun. Know thyself, and stay as far away as possible from lingerie shops, card shops, candy stores, and Tiffany, should also be avoided. Too many men leaving with that small aqua shopping bag.

Staying under the covers watching The Way We Were is torture. Only if you enjoy self-torture go for it. Reading love quotes should also be avoided. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

These women do not lack strength or courage. They have the love of each other and family. They are each others emotional transfusions.They do not whine. They know all that they are grateful for.

However………bottom line…..Valentine’s Day sucks when you’re alone. February 15th will only be a  day away. Having hopes and dreams! February 2016 is only a year away.

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!