Perhaps it has to do with the holidays, perhaps it has to do with being alone, perhaps it has to do with the end of something, perhaps it has to do with no new beginnings in sight. Who knows what really causes one to feel down. I hesitate to use the word depressed, because it is so overused. TV commercials galore boasting of this pill or that pill to lift your depression. My brother has been a psychiatrist for over 50 years and he has always said that there are no happy pills, and most suffer from what they consider to be an unhappy life, or the inability to deal with life, and there are no pills for that ailment. What they are? Mood elevators, as he put it “life still sucks, but you can deal with it.” I have chosen another road when feeling down or sad. I chant, go down the good stuff list, get out and about. But, then again there are those times that you just have to let it in and hope for a quick exit.
Sadness arrives, and if your emotional tools kick in… it passes. I know women who are alone, and prefer it to the unhappy marriages they had. One woman, when I was on a hotline, told me she was more alone when she was married. Everyone suffers occasionally I am sure from feeling low, no matter how long your grateful list is. For me, when I am down, the one void on my not so grateful list overtakes all the good stuff, and then I have to reign it all in, and work on myself. I never chose therapy. My family and friends as I have said so many times before, are my emotional transfusions..Most of the time I don’t bother my children because I have friends who feel exactly the same way, and we relate to one another, talk about it, cry about it, and then magically, but not really magic but hard work, it leaves. It lifts and the sun comes out again. I don’t numb myself with many pills or alcohol because I’m afraid of overusing. Not one to judge what works as long as it’s positive. Not against a little Xanax to sleep . So would a new love make everything all better. Sure, I would be happier to have another soul mate, but even though I still have hope, I don’t obsess about it. I need to live the life I have and relish in the things I have. We can never ever take good health for granted. So good health, thankfully, nourishing family and friends, and living in, for me, the best city in the world. So now you have it, I started this post in a funk and already feel better. A friend wants me to audition to do a one woman act and sent me the information. I have to decide by January 3, and one minute I think “why not, if not now when?”
…and then I think “have you lost your mind?” I haven’t decided, just thinking about what material I would do. 35 years ago Jack Rollins wanted to sign a woman comic, and a writer I was working with at the time on material, wanted to do it. She was the one who got us the meeting. I was in my early 40’s and didn’t think I wanted to be a stand up comic. My jobs at the time…. wife, mother and volunteering. We went to the Jane Street Cafe since that was where we were going to perform. It never happened because I wasn’t going to take a risk. Mr. Rollins soon signed Paula Poundstone. He was a gentle man and a gentleman with great class and kindness. In every Woody Allen film, he is listed as Executive Producer. He is about 98. I have no regrets about that decision, but this new opportunity? Maybe I would have regrets for not trying, and there are no guarantees I would be chosen. One has to audition, and you have to be over 40. That is one requirement I can say with certainty I fit in. So whoever took the time to read , I would like the message to be life affirming. .Not about sadness, but about living in the moment with joy. I wish all a Healthy Happy New Year and may 2014 be filled with joys galore….and some dreams actually coming true.