A few experiences that might be of interest to anyone on or going on Internet Dating Sites. All observations, not from anger, but from my truths.
First, may I quote some words I read recently. I wish I remembered where and who may have said them. If someone wrote this, please leave in comment section, so I’ll be able to remember and credit.
“Having sex with a man is one of the easiest ways to send him packing. Once a man has intimacy with you, he no longer has anything to imagine or desire from you. If he’s interested, he would try to get to know the person you are.”
1952??????? No 2016!!!!!!!
For the past 11 years, I have had many opportunities for such a meeting. Have sex and then get to know someone. Not exactly the wave length I’m on. I don’t judge. If that works for you, so be it. For me never. The body parts I would like to know first? Heart and brain definitely.
The quote for me, is not frozen in the 50’s. It’s no big secret that men can have sex with no emotion. I have been involved in women’s issues for many years, and most women that I have spoken to, can’t separate the emotion from the physical. Some can.
I was promised recently a “memorable experience” that I would never forget. I never found out. A one time experience is not on my bucket list. Well, maybe if Paul Rudd insisted!!!
Sex is so easy. But making love is an art form and a gift. Perhaps the memorable experience.
My mantra? Stop a creep before a creepy experience. Not “going for it” is a freeing experience. It’s a matter of what’s right for me. Dignity is part of my DNA………
My husband died almost 12 years ago. I never compare anyone to him. No contest, and that would be unfair of me. I was definitely open to finding a new love. It hasn’t happened. I have been pro active but not even close to being with another man. I was not going to settle for emotionally challenged men. My marriage had ups downs and ups. He was my anchor and we had a soul connected love. He called me “his butterfly.” Every card for every occasion had a butterfly and his words to me always, ” You’re like a butterfly. Beautiful……. that you let go of and it flies back.” I did….and we flew together for so many wonderful years.
So, what was being offered to me on the dating sites, I wasn’t interested 99% of the time….
Emailing, texting, phone conversations. Talking and planning. Fantasy takes over. Reality drifts away. The more you continue to communicate without meeting, the more intense the fantasy is nourished and grows, on both sides. Enormous amount of time and energy wasted.
In my experience, the chemistry (fantasy) can be fantastic on-line, and then in person, a complete zero.
I was never disappointed or sad. I became empowered. I would say to myself, lesson learned.
……….and this is what I learned.
You’re communicating with a stranger until you meet in person, and then they can be even stranger!
I stayed on Tinder because I met two interesting men. One a selfless interesting humanitarian. The other a pilot who just wasn’t as interesting in person as he was on paper. The humanitarian is out of the country more than he is here. I’m almost positive I will not meet him in September. This is my lesson learned well and I will practice immediately.
If you meet someone on-line. Limit yourself to a few introduction emails. Then ASAP for a coffee/tea in a public place. You avoid yet again, the long journey from fantasy to reality.
“Heard Melodies Are Sweet, But Those Unheard Are Sweeter.” John Keats
Maybe, never meet.
PS The last Stitch event I gave in Virginia was a most joyous experience.
The story…A widow for 13 years in Chicago. No children. She met a divorced man from Virginia. They emailed and talked for a short time. They met on Stitch.net and fell deeply in love. She moved everything to his home in Virginia and at the cafe shared their joy. We all felt their happiness and were beaming the entire evening.
Happily ever after. ………………………………..You never know!!!!!