I have never been a fan of making resolutions. Like most diets, they are broken rather quickly. A very simple rule is reigning in the missing dwell. My husband and the life we lived together. Concentrating less on the voids and filling those wells of sadness with what I have in my life. Occasionally, the pity party invitation arrives, whether welcomed or not, but I have learned, not to stay too long. I have my glorious memories and his energy and spirit for life. Going through the motion with no emotion is not emotionally healthy, and that is the time for the grateful list to come out. You don’t necessarily have to write it all down, but if it helps, go for it. I do quietly in my mind, and then realize it is so much longer than the other list, and just like that, a down mood lifts and the joy cover comforts. I wish everyone a New Year filled with good health, silliness, joy, laughter galore, and peace, for all you love and who loves you. Happy 2015
New Year Resolutions?
December 27, 2013
Comments on: "New Year Resolutions?" (6)
My mom will be 70 next year, my dad passed away about a year and a half ago after being sick for a very long time. Actually, it’s been a downhill battle for him since he retired. I have an older brother, he came out for a week right after dad died, but that was it. I moved in with mom, I couldn’t leave her by herself. 49 years of marriage, that’s not something you shrug and say, OK, let’s move on. It’s been a process for her and myself. For me, parents aren’t supposed to get sick. For her, she was married since she was 20 and she knows nothing else. She’s trying to learn other things. It’s a process we all have to go through, but you don’t think about it until it happens to you.
Peace and Health to you, Nice Lady. So glad to meet you this morning!
Hope mom’s friends are by her side. No one should be telling her to move on. She has to give herself permission to grieve as long as she needs to. I wrote Friendship Garden because i gave up friends because they had no understanding or compassion and just stayed with the nourishing ones. I was a few months shy of being married for 50 years and my husband was never sick, ever. Not even a cold. It all happened in a matter of days. A rapid leukemia and no time to prepare.You can’t put pain on a scale, but I think when you see someone you love suffer for a long time, it has to be worse, but it was just such a shock. I thought he was going to live to almost 100 as his dad did…but unanswerable questions.Great meeting you and tried signing up for your blog, but didn’t take my email???? For the New Year, I wish you and your mom less pain and more sunshine. Let her have each day, a ray of sunshine, a smile, and then tie them all together for a week. It gets softer, but never really goes away. Being in love with a man who loves you back is such a joy and rare, that when it’s gone, a part of you is gone too. If your mom ever wants to email me or talk with me, I would be happy if I could be of any comfort. Peace, Love, and Health to you as well.,
That is so sweet, thank you so much for reaching out to her.
Dad was sick for quite some time, always with heath issues. Numerous surgeries for vascular issues, bowel issues, scleroderma, finally had a foot amputated…he wasn’t one to take care of himself. Finally he fell and broke his hip, when he went in for surgery he coded on the table and was down for 11 minutes, and they brought him back regardless of the DNR they had in place. I will never, EVER forget seeing my dad in ICU, mom told me to go visit him because it was the end…he was sitting up in his hospital bed, eating applesauce with his spoon upside down, wondering why he couldn’t get any of it into his mouth. That messed me up for a while.
My brother wouldn’t come out until after dad died. That didn’t sit well with me.
I don’t think you can compare the two…sudden illness or a slow decline…they are painful in their own way. Mom was his caregiver for so long, once he was gone she didn’t know what to do. I moved in with my cat, turns out he had feline diabetes and he was like a dad replacement for her caring side…until we had to put him down. She said that was harder than dad!
And the grieving process…so many people have their own ideas of how you should grieve and how long it should take you. Mom was strong enough to tell those who weren’t of any help to her emotionally to go away, and I was in the over protective daughter mode, anyone made my mom upset they would be hearing from me.
My grief didn’t come until I went to the cemetery, the niche he was put in was finally engraved. He was Air Force, so he was interred in Willamette National Cemetery down in Oregon. When I saw his plaque, that’s when I broke down.
I took pictures for mom, but she hasn’t gone to see it in person.
I am no stranger to death, having experienced it first hand with family friends, but when it’s your own, you can’t distance yourself from it, and up until that point, death is something that happens to someone else.
My heart is with yours, and I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, especially in that manner. A sudden catastrophic illness with no time to prepare, I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that.
Thank you for opening up your heart and telling me about your family and yourself. It’s all a process and we all have her own process. What is great, is your mom knows who to surround herself with. Sometimes family doesn’t always do what you expect, so expectations have to be lowered as with your brother. You know the saying, “you can choose your friends, not your family. You’re a nourishing kind person and I wish you all that you wish for yourself and mom.
On Mon, Dec 30, 2013 at 12:54 PM, mother nature is a man and other
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Continue to dream the dream
Happy New Year Paulette! 🙂