The strangest feeling is living in a building, a large building with many families, none of which are mine. My building isn’t huge. Maybe over 150 apartments. Most of the time, it feels great. Almost as if I am living at a hotel. New York Times at my door every morning. Mail down stairs. A staff that is wonderful. A gym and magically, even a storage area. I feel very taken care of…any restaurant will deliver food. Elevator service. Some people who actually smile and greet. Behind every door is a story I’m sure. There may very well be very lonely people behind those doors. There may very well be very happy people behind those doors. You really aren’t aware, because you don’t know your neighbors. I’m fortunate that I have many to be with and talk to in the neighborhood. . I also write, so being just me in my apartment is not being lonely. But, there are just too many single women living alone in New York City (read over 700,000), and many don’t like that feeling. When I first became a widow, I really thought living alone was abnormal. No one to talk to in the middle of the night…..unless you count stuffed animals. You see so many singles with dogs and there are reasons for all the dog and cat people. Company.. I had dogs all my life and never could I go through the losing process again. My canine grandson Lucky gives me a doggy fix when needed. My brother is a psychiatrist for over 50 years, but I talk more with family and friends when I need a people fix. My therapy is self because it has always worked for me. I never judge what someone else needs, but with me…..I have a therapist on call 24/7. Just reinforcing all that I am grateful for, and not concentrating on the huge voids. Compartmentalizing has always worked wonders for me. I never let the overflow from sadness seep out to take away the gratefulness. I do wish I laughed more…so instead of watching news constantly, the answer for me …. late night comedians. We all have to find what works, positive tools of course.
I do wonder if there is someone behind those closed doors who might need someone to talk to. We New Yorker’s are known for being very private…..but I do wonder who could use a human interaction. I wonder?
I am grateful ……… but actually I am just another single New York woman behind a closed-door.