Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for the ‘feelings’ Category


I wanted to start the New Year with a positive post. The end of January, I am hoping to do a post about my book being self published with my co-author. Started over 40 years ago, we finally decided 13 years ago to finish and finish we did. Will write about the process when I know the availability to share.
“When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you are healed.” david avocado wolfe
Our book is fiction. By the way.
Not to be maudlin, but the holidays are quite different when you live alone. I never allow myself to feel lonely, because I am fortunate to be surrounded with loving and caring family and friends. But, it is just not the same and it never will be without my husband. I have learned to practice mindfulness every single day, not to allow the voids and sadness to invade, and take over my gratitude. We can control our thoughts since we put them in there and we can take them out… Strength meeting vulnerability and sensitivity in a head on collision….and strength must triumph!!
I often think what it would be like to be in love again.
Hope the New Year brings everyone reading this Good Health and Life’s Joys!! and don’t forget that eating healthy is a choice. A good one. My New Years resolution? Not to have one.

Leaving 2017

Another year, and certainly grateful for more than I’m sad about. Your emotional plus lists can come in handy when necessary. Just think of all that you have and the voids seem a little less painful. We start a new year with many hopes, dreams and those resolutions that are usually kept for about ten days, if that. As you all know, I always recommend eating healthy, and keeping in mind that living in the moment works when your moments are in good health. The dreams and hopes seem to go from one year to the other. The control you have over your thoughts and what you eat can be controlled by you. Christmas Eve I was at a warm and wonderful party. All ages and all just wanting to have fun. I met a young woman in her 20’s and very fulfilling to have her write down some of my suggestions. One was to practice breathing exercises, a most important exercise for health. Hatha Yoga, a gentle form of yoga focusing on stretching and breathing. Yoga laughter sounds weird, but your body and mind are not aware that yoga laughter is a bit forced, but a laugh is a laugh. What you do when you’re young can affect the quality of your life as you age. Balance is so important and flexibility. Running and Ashtanga Yoga may work for some, but the gentle form of Hatha Yoga and walking at a fast pace 20 minutes a day may work as well. Many of my friends who used to run have had knee and hip replacements. My grandmother lived to be 99 and walked from her kitchen to the bedroom. I once read that lifestyle has more to do with your quality of life than your genes. Stress is something we all have, and I’m not talking about the extremes or tragedy. the usual normal day stress we all deal with. It is how we deal with disappointments, heartbreak,and of course realism that defines us. Fantasy and dreams should always be a part of our lives. Realistically I know I will probably never meet another great romantic love, and it’s ok. I was one of the lucky ones having had a man who loved and adored me. I don’t take that lightly ,and I know his energy is with me everyday. I’m not about to be committed to a “happy place,” but I talk to Barry everyday. Part of my Buddhist practice is a prayer to someone who has died that you loved. I feel his energy and know he “knows”, because I’m Awake.
2018…….the book my co-author and I finally finished and publishing, will actually happen in February. It’s genre is Women’s Humor Fiction, not literary, but edited, and we think a good read. because the characters are likeable and relatable. Hope some of you read and enjoy.
I find the older I become and certainly grateful for the years, the less I put up with people I don’t get and they don’t get me. It just fine because I have enough of the “wonderful others.” I love nourishing people from the same planet I’m from……and my emotional tools that really work. “If you don’t care, I care less.” It sounds harsh, but if said with a smile and not in anger, it works. No room for negative thoughts or people. Selective memory and denial are my favorites……and my role models, in their 90’s… I wish all reading this the most wonderful New Year ahead. A healthy one with laughter and joys galore…..and of course an abundance of love, and some dark chocolate everyday.

The Book

It feels like a lifetime ago when my co-author said “let’s do it together” when I told her my idea for a book. We started it so many years ago, and we came up with many changes, but the bottom line, women’s humor fiction, and the main story is about two very unlikely women who meet under unusual circumstances and become friends. There is a little get back plot that has a touch of humor, and then of course
Wall Street, astrology, love, intimacy, and success stories. We sent out about six times and received very nice rejections, and instead of sending out even more query letters, my co-author wanted to get on with it and get a publishers stamp. It seemed like a good idea at the time to self publish, and there doesn’t seem to be a stigma anymore, since someone won the Pen Award and self published. There are success stories when a book does well and a publisher picks it up. Whatever, we decided to go the route of, for me, the grueling process of re writing and re writing and re writing. We have an excellent editor who is also doing the cover, and now the book is going to be written in book form to be published. We have another excellent woman who is doing this. All at a cost, I might add. Then it goes to Amazon and Create Space. We had other choices, but asked a few I know who have self published and they are pleased with Amazon. I’m not going into all the legalities and mind-boggling “things” you have to think about. I say this jokingly, but seriously, not joking. This book almost broke up a 40+ year friendship with my co-author. We are as different as the characters in our book. Very much, two unlikely women who became friends at a writing workshop. She had no clue what she was getting herself into. She has a full-time job. We live several floors apart from one another in the same building in NYC. She told me about the apartment I ended up buying. We occasionally have dinner together and December 2 we are going to have a bonding experience going to a shredding place to destroy every piece of paper re the book. Thousands of pages over a 13 year period finishing our book, although it started years and years ago.
My grand-nieces 13, 10, and almost 4 are somewhat more tech knowledgeable than I am. I know I can write, but putting it all together, not my thing. At my age, I’m happy to have a blog, and on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Many women my age aren’t even on the computer, so proud of what I can do, but know my limitations. Barbara actually made the book a reality. The amount of time was endless and so were my changes. I wanted it to be as good as possible. I wanted the book to be genuine and have integrity and I believe it does. Every time I read the book, I saw more changes that needed to be made. I remember speaking to Ronnie, a dear friend who got me officially published on Interfaith, We met as friends and she became instrumental to me over 13 years ago helping and editing the articles that were published when she worked there. She assured me . Telling me that writers sometimes find changes every time they re read their books.
It’s getting close to the cover being completed, and all the other finishing details…….finished. Barbara and I are still talking and while I wouldn’t write a sequel for a million dollars, I’m still happy she’s here on the tenth and I’m on the fourth in case we need each other. Still friends. Still respecting our differences.

Politics and Politicians

I realized a long time ago that the news is something I need to filter out. Anything about child abuse, animal abuse, women abuse, killings, well anything that can be upsetting upsets me more than an average upset. I remember over thirty years ago, an astrologer telling me I should rarely watch bad news, because when you’re on sensitive overload, it takes away your energy, and nourishing yourself is not easy to do with bad and depressing news. I find compartmentalizing a wonderful emotional tool.
So with all the news that has been coming at us, very simply I know I can’t apply logic to illogical situations and the energy it takes to try can be depleted.
So I try to focus on all that is good and all that I am grateful for and live my life.
It’s really the only way, and it’s empowering……

Clocks Change etc etc

I used to volunteer in a psyc unit and when there was a full moon the patients were agitated, and I read a full moon can definitely affect ones mood. I do believe that the more sensitive your nature, the more you are affected by everything. News News and News to make a point at the moment. That one hour does make a difference with me and the way I notice, is that I have to work harder on myself to stay in the moment with gratitude and not focus on the what if’s or voids that have still stayed voids……but still not giving up on hopes.
This will be a short post and just wondering how the hour change affects you, if at all.
I think in my next life, the sensitive gene might be lightened up a bit………

Thank you

Just a quick post to say thank you to all new followers. And of course to ones who have stayed with me. I sincerely appreciate your comments and hope to share some good news re the book that is finally coming out. This concept started when I met my co-author at a wild writing workshop. 40 years ago and of course many updates over the years. We only sent queries about seven times and received good feedback but still rejections. Many agents said it might make for a good film. The book is basically about friendship, a little astrology, Wall Street, a fun plot and of course love. It’s a good feeling to be proud of a creative project. We decided to self publish and have a wonderful editor and book cover artist. Will write another post when it’s on Amazon.
My wonderful husband Barry died almost thirteen years ago and wanted me to finish the book with Barbara. He kept asking me “when?” Well love, it’s happening soon.
Forever loved, Forever missed. Your birthday would have been 9/13. Would have been. We had so many that we shared. So many years together and forever grateful.

Lazy Days of Summer

I know there is still time for summer fun. September should be extended into summer. But it’s just a feeling I get when I see back to school and fall clothes being advertised and its over 90 degrees. Summer is the time to just enjoy summer. Of course listening to constant news is definitely not part of the enjoyment…… and trying to limit my CNN constant barrage of bad news. Trying instead to hold on to a gentle time.
I just returned from almost three months in Virginia with loving family and friends. A beautiful time spent away from the city and treasure my times there. I arrived home to over a dozen mounds of mail and all I can think of is the total waste of paper, and junk mail making up most of the mail. All unpacked and almost all paper work finished. When you’re with family 24/7 its perfect for me because of the friendship I have with my family. I know that’s not always a given. When I’m on the train for over 6 hours, I try very hard not to be sad at leaving, but excited to see my NYC family and friends. Spending time with my granddaughter before she leaves for semester abroad and my son and “daughter”, and soon with friends is the reason I’m not able to move to Virginia. So this is when positive energy and thoughts take over. I’m so fortunate to have both places and family. Living a mindfulness life helps…. and the feeling of gratitude is endless. After all New York City is a pretty great place to call home.
But yet, I think of all the discussions, some with laughter and some with tears that I had so many times in Virginia. Not living alone has its merits. My sister-in-law and I talked about our own Golden Girls and living together at some point in our lives.
So which one would I be?

President Emmanuel Macron and First Lady Brigitte

The President of France and his wife are twenty-four years apart. Who cares? Obviously the French don’t. I see a lasting loving couple. Here we seem to call this unique relationship terrible names. Cougar, boytoy, mama’s boy, or the ones who know so little and judge……she’s looking for a son, or ever lasting youth, and he’s looking for his mother or a purse.
The idea that they just found each other in a unique relationship with chemistry, attraction, and passion doesn’t exist in the judges judgement. They see little what is positive, they see what they want or what they perceive is truth. The truth is the ones involved only see each other. No numbers, no negativity, that perhaps because of the uniqueness, seems out of step. What parade are you marching with? Perhaps a different drummer. Perhaps the Macron’s marriage will add some credibility to this quote “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Mark Twain.
Vive La France

Sad News. What To Do???? I know

I remember when a friend died, and I wrote about what to do with her name in my phone book. That was easier because I knew she would not want to be crossed out in black, so I used a neon pink to just put a line through, and then when I needed a new phone book, she was no longer there.
Now in this era of Facebook I’m not sure what I’m comfortable with doing. I was shocked to hear of Aria’s death on Facebook. Her daughter put a notice in, with memorial plans for her Mother in Florida. She passed away April 7th after being in the hospital since January with an infection.

I met Aria at a few Stitch events and we had an immediate connection. We kept in touch occasionally, and always planned on getting together when she came back from Florida. She was a beautiful woman from inside out and her job and passion was working with underprivileged women and children. As many described her on Facebook, “she was a magnificent person.”
I was able to delete her email because it would be sad to always see her name and address.
I’m wondering what anyone reading this does when this happens to you. Please share.
I know that I’m not unfriending Aria. The spiritual side of me and she had the same old soul, guides me to leave her as a friend.
What better friend than a guardian angel. Rest in Peace Dear Aria.


It’s my birthday month. When my husband was alive we celebrated all holidays and occasions with gusto. I still do. I hear people complain about yet ” another birthday”. Well what’s the alternative? Of course the mirror will show you don’t look the same. If you’re healthy you can feel the same. One of my favorites. “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were.” Satchel Paige. I know people who are healthy in body, but their mind told them they were old……at 70. Not for any physical reason, they just gave up and it got worse with each year. They are in their 80’s still bitching. I love positive nourishing friends. We exalt in still being here and doing what we feel like doing. The word grateful is in my vocabulary now, even more than usual. So much to be grateful for and that never goes away. I am grateful I am healthy and can celebrate. I’m not overly vain so I don’t scrutinize myself in the mirror. Of course I see differences….smile more and it’s somewhat of an immediate facelift. There are less invasive options if you want to plump up the hollows. I find candle light the best. If by some miracle, I have a date, it’s always night-time and why not!!!. Lighting is a simple solution. Back to the grateful list….I have children and grandchildren and will celebrate my birthday with family. Sheer joy. I also have a dear friend since five years old and we live near each other and celebrate together. Happy to have her in my life to enjoy all the city venues we love. I have another dear friend who literally got me published so many years ago. We also celebrate together. Of course I wish my West Coast family were here and my grandchildren….but will enjoy their good wishes and love.
Erma Bombeck, the wonderful humorist, once said she looked in the mirror one morning and said ” who is this old lady that moved in last night?’
My friends in NYC would never consider themselves “old ladies.” Nor do I.. If you think you are, then you are. I have a friend who always talks about old age. She relishes talking about it and I don’t relish hearing about it.
The value of vintage increases with each year. I prefer that term and was used to describe me in the New York Post recent video.
Very grateful to producers Heather, Elettra and Lea, They felt Ronni and I had not only something to say, but important enough to “put out there.” It was paramount that my children and grandchildren would be proud, and they were. Most of my family and friends understood its purpose and for that, forever grateful. When people in your life “get you” at any age, it’s very powerful. Those that judge, perhaps, have their own unhappiness or lack of self-awareness. Ronni and I were not interested in sensationalism. We wanted to discuss a subject that has no reason to be under the covers. To quote one of the producers..” I was extremely happy with it and thrilled that we could put a story like this into the world. It’s long overdue.”
I wish I knew it made a difference in some woman’s life who was inspired to try something she read about, and saw on a video. Perhaps to go shopping at Babeland for her birthday and buy something to experience and enjoy.
As someone once said, “try it, you might like it.” Happy Birthday to me and all who still celebrate……..