mother nature is a man and other observations..

I have been a widow for almost 9 years. I did think I would find a second love of my life, but never realized how unrealistic and humorous that was, living in NYC. Not judging, just observing, a place where over 70-year-old men, are this years main attraction, and women of that age are a drug on the market. I would never waste time whining about my situation, because I was one of the lucky ones..Being in love with someone who loves you back, for me is sheer joy. I had a husband for almost 50 years, who was even beyond my description. Whatever is beyond wonderful, he was, and to be honest our marriage had some bumps along the road, but they smoothed out and the last 35 years were perfection. A romantic team going forward in life, but unfortunately cut short. I wanted to  grow old together,  I smile through  pain, when I see older couples walking , holding hands. The chiffon covering my broken heart moves a bit and hurts, but I keep going forward.  Everyone tells me “you have to get out there”, I actually thought I was. Enjoying jazz,  Carnegie Hall, museums, galleries, theatre, films, and all the creative energy that nurtures my soul. Going to specified single events didn’t interest me, because then I would be going for the purpose of meeting someone, and that would never work for me. I met my husband at 17 and that was it. Searching has a bad vibe for me, except for my favorite all time Oscar-winning documentary Searching for Sugar Man……………I needed some material for the book I was writing with a co-author, and decided a chapter on internet dating needed to be researched. I went on in the beginning as a 99-year-old widow from New York. I wasn’t really interested in dating, just asking questions about widow/widowers. I would have dated if someone had a sense of humor that I wasn’t really 99. I  put no hummers, hunters, or hairpieces please. From Alaska to Wyoming, men answered my emails, and I was so pleased to find out men grieved as much as women. I was a bit tainted, because in New Jersey, and not judging, but again just observing, most of the men gave themselves a month to four months top, and found new loves. Not so much the choices for the majority of widows, and especially when one had a romantic marriage, the grieving seemed intense. . I then went on the rest of them to find Mr. Wonderful and surprise surprise, didn’t happen. I went on with a sense of purpose, humor, and positive proactive feelings, but that didn’t matter at all. He wasn’t there. I wrote about some of the experiences,  on the blog in March/April. A dear matchmaker friend from New Jersey fixed me up with a very nice guy. A bit boring, so I managed to do most of the talking and talked my way out. I was very nervous because he was the second date she fixed me up with. The first one wanted to marry me, which would have been difficult since I didn’t want to see him again, and the second one said I was a NO…The Millionaire Matchmaker would have been furious, because I asked him if he had a romantic marriage. Such a no-no on my part, but hey dating was foreign to me. To put it bluntly, I screwed up. So anyway, I think I am out there, but have decided to REALLY be out there, so if you see me on the street with a huge cardboard sign saying “I’M OUT  THERE…………………………please say hi.