Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

New York City is not the place to be a single woman. It makes no difference how old you are. I have spoken over the years to hundreds of women, and the tragedy seems to be the women who really want to get married and have children.  Your thirties to forties goes very quickly and then what? I am not one to complain since I had a long wonderful marriage, and when I became a widow, dating was not an option. I went out, but rarely if ever went on a second date. My choice, so my ego was in tact. If I had a daughter in her thirties I would advise her to move. It seems many couples meet in college and marry in their twenties. Then you have the guys who literally are in a candy store and not that interested in settling down until their forties. ………who do they choose, women in their twenties ,

and  where does that leave the ones in their thirties. When I lived in New Jersey, I had a friend who worked in the city. She periodically asked me if I knew any men to fix up women in her office  who were having problems finding guys. On line dating sites and now Tinder and Stitch are offering even more choices, but are there as many men on these sites as women? Are women a drug on the market? I believe Joan Rivers said that a woman in her forties is finished, and a man who can drive and has money in his 90’s is a catch or something like that. For many women in their sixties and over, they have told me they have given up even trying. The demographics for them would be men much older than they are interested in. It’s not easy and definitely not getting easier. What has become a choice is motherhood.  If a woman wants a child, she can have one without being married. That was not a choice years ago. Progress was made. I spoke recently with women in their 20’s and  socially they haven’t made so many strides. If they go out on a date or two, they want the guy to call them for another date. They are reluctant to be the one to call……and when it comes to marriage? Who is the one who makes that decision?

I will never do anything that would demoralize me. Going to specific single events is not something I do, something like a meat market and I am a vegan. Very unappealing and the bar scene or club scene would be worse. I just don’t go. I was though recently intrigued with a speed dating evening for 60+. That took place last night and I need to process the experience before I actually blog about it. I will give one hint. It was a disaster. More to come.

 

 

 

 

Comments on: "Being Single is Not Easy, Especially When It’s Not Your First Choice" (2)

  1. I have been married since I was 22 years old… hubby was 26 at the time. Marriage number 2 for him. #1 was a casualty of medical school and post-graduate training was almost the undoing of ours. I have several friends male and female who are single..in their 30s, 40s and even 50s. I can only say that I am SO THANKFUL I am not anymore. I see what they go through with the dating scene and it does not look fun to me. If something happened and I found myself single (no matter the reason) I think I would remain single! I would not go looking for another man! Like you, the bar scene etc does not appeal to me one bit and I can’t imagine being in a city like NYC. Even the girls on “Sex and the City” had a hard time! LOL!
    Can’t wait to hear about your adventures with the speed dating thing! 😀

    • I was married at 20 and he was one of the greatest. We were married almost 50 years and over 35 were perfection. Every long marriage has ups and downs but the last 35 wonderful. He was wonderful and never sick. We played 18 holes of golf and went dancing at a friends club and the next week he was dead. No time to prepare. He was the most shocked I think of anyone since he never had an illness. It was a form of blasting Leukemia and it happened in a few days. I literally ran away from New Jersey and created a new life in New York. Dating is some foreign thing. In 11 years I never went out with a blind date more than once. Going to a bar or singles kind of thing is not on my agenda. I always thought I would meet a new romantic love, but so far nothing came even close. I take advantage of all the city has to offer with wonderful women friends. All the things I did with my husband, I do with friends. Museums, concerts, theater, movies, etc etc and the only time I was sad was when I was with a “date”. Never when with my friends. Unless I can meet someone the old fashion way, since I am a devout romantic, I’m fine. I can’t believe the unmarried women in the city. I have two friends who are widows, a few divorced and then some that never married. So Courtney, who am I to complain. I had the greatest joy. I have loving children and grandchildren and that was my purpose after my husband died, but always felt and still do that the greatest joy is being in love with a man who loves you back. Hope you and your husband have a long healthy happy marriage. Still need a little time to process the experience. It was really a nothing, but I want it to come from a place of humor, not anger. I actually never thought I would meet anyone there and went with pad and pen to write about it. Hopefully this week, will do. Thank you always for your support and comments. I appreciate so much and send you heartfelt thanks. xo

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