mother nature is a man and other observations..

Another snow storm. Another cancellation. Had tickets with my friend to see Constellations. Dinner first at Joe Allen’s…Same story last month. Same show, same snow. Now we will enjoy the show  next week. Too dangerous to go out because of the freeze and ice. Spent yesterday at MOMA experiencing and enjoying the Bjork show. So many thousands of women live alone in NYC, and we are all faced with the same problem. If not working full-time, how do you fill your time. I did community service for over 50 years in New Jersey. The police department in NYC doesn’t have a walk in for domestic violence victims that a crisis team handles. It is handled by police people. I tried to volunteer in many places, but either too far to travel for what I wanted to do, or hospital service, and I didn’t want to work in a hospital. The first year after my husband died, my service was to me, to figure out how and if I wanted to live again. I couldn’t do what I wanted to, because of my children and grandchildren. Not exactly a positive legacy to leave. I re-created myself, and I must say not only am I proud, but I know my husband would be beaming.

So a lazy day at home. Productive since I don’t stay in bed or cry all day at a pity party. I do believe in pity parties, but just can’t stay too long. Five minutes and leave. I wonder what all the lonely women do in their apartments all day and night. Some are lonely. I try not to use that word. It makes me feel lonely. I’m alone but  take in all the creative energy of the city. Forever grateful for treasured family and friends.  Fortunate to be able to go  to concerts, jazz, movies, theater, museums, etc. Have friends who are more than willing to enjoy the benefits of living in the city.  Cooking and baking are foreign  terms used in my former life, before I ran away from New Jersey. My new theory is…”if someone can make it better, let them.” I cook oatmeal, veggies, and occasionally cold water wild fish. A can of sardines is sometimes a healthy alternative. As long as I have nuts, hummus,, salad and fruit, I’m set.  But, I’m talking about a long snowy day. Since I write a great deal, reading books has  become part of my past life. When my husband died, my concentration went  as far as People Magazine. I do read the New York Times. I find depressing news way too depressing to read. Most of the news is frustrating as well.  I feel I was sent to the wrong planet. A place sadly, where violence and hatred seem to  thrive. My planet is one of peace, love and kindness. Maybe Avatar?  I enjoy Twitter and have many connections in The Lovely Land of Twitter.  Facebook and write for three blogs. But my pain is  there and will never go away.   Sometimes it becomes overwhelming and I know  what to do. My husband and I danced at least once a week alone in our home. Always to Louis Armstrong, or jitterbug to his  favorite big bands ,the sounds of Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and my favorites Rod Stewart and Charles Aznavour.   Not  looking for self-torture, so I rarely play  anymore…….On this very snowy dreary day, just didn’t feel like  going  to the gym. Instead I put  on Pure Disco…..set the timer for 25 minutes and danced with pure joy, no inhibitions making the moves even more aerobic, and smiling all the time, in my own fantasy land with magical thinking on the side.

So what I did  on yet another snowy day?  Not drink the pain away, not eat the pain away, and not drug the pain away. I danced the pain away……and as I always think, I’m OK.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Integrity..”the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Genuine..”truly what something is said to be; authentic

Two of my favorite words for people, places, and things. I try to surround myself with those that have these qualities. As Rumi so beautifully said..”Be with those who help your being.”

Hearing the word control or controlling conjures up a personality that I avoid strongly.  I did have some controlling friends once upon a time ago. They were part of My Friendship Garden that I pruned . When you do that, it’s amazing how quickly a new and beautiful plant appears. One that forever stays. But, getting back to the control issue. I have been told in a loving, not critical way by family and friends, that I am very disciplined. I do believe the practice of the philosophy of Buddhism attributes to that aspect of my personality. Also practicing yoga for 40 years and a strong consumer interest in nutrition. When my sons were young, they would trade brown bread and peanut butter and jelly for white wonder bread and marshmallow fluff. Now they say “Mom you were ahead of yourself.” I was I guess controlling as far as what they ate at home, but not in an obsessive way. They both had a sleep out and when they came home raved about the wonderful dinner they had, and why I can’t make them the same delicious dinner. They described in detail the  chicken, veggie, apple sauce, cookie,  and all in a great tin container. I called the mom even though I knew they were raving about a TV Dinner. A stranger in our home.  So anyway, their big treat when we had plans to go out, and they were with a sitter,  was one of those. Eating or using a cosmetic with something  that I can’t spell or pronounce is a no-no. I have a label now, a pescatarian, a  vegan who eats fish and eggs. When you live a healthy life style, re exercise, nourishing food and people, it becomes natural. It would be counter productive if it was work. Diets don’t work. People generally lose 40 lbs and gain back 45lbs. That is my definition of a diet. Changing your life style takes control….controlling yourself…..and that is the point of this post. Being able to have control over yourself is what gives you the discipline over your food intake, exercise, and just as important, especially for me, controlling my  thoughts. When my husband died  suddenly, I was in shock. My grieving process took a very long time. You get over, but never forget. In the process, I had to let go of judging questionable friends who questioned my grieving. However making your life easier in a positive way is worth trying. I had to take complete control over me. My thoughts, my activities, my friends, my life. I decided to make a grateful list and I had so much to be grateful for. The huge void of not having my husband with me could not make everything else meaningless. I learned how to compartmentalized. It is such a mellow feeling  to think happy, not sad. Grateful, not taking for granted.  The important decision I made was to run away, and yes I did run away from New Jersey to New York City. One of the best decision I made, and it was immediate. I took control even in my grief. Having wonderful devoted loving family helped of course. I lived with my son, “daughter” and granddaughter for 18 months. I knew it was not going to be a forever thing. I had to create my new life. My favorite saying is my family and friends are my emotional transfusions. So control is definitely not a negative in my perspective. It’s just me I’m controlling…..But, to be honest I do try with my children to very gently advise them on good nutritional habits. At times they listen. Most  of the time I will hear….”Mom stop trying to control.” ……….Who Me?????

1. This was originally posted on URAWarrior February 2014. February 2o16.. So this year , no new love, but having fun family love time in Virginia. Celebrating my niece’s father in laws birthday on 14th. Lovely celebration. Forever grateful for the most important joys in my life ❣💗💓💗💌💓🌈🌷🌺

Three women. One widowed for nine years, one woman divorced unhappily for fifteen years, and one woman married and miserable for forty-five years. Their solid friendship for many years cemented by their sense of self and sense of humor, One woman asked the origin of Valentine’s Day. The other two chimed in “who cares.” …..but, said the first woman. In 1537 England’s King Henry V11 declared February 14th the holiday St.Valentine’s Day. So would any of us prefer King Henry to our own company? Absolutely not the three said and laughed.

So what to do on a totally commercialized romantic evening? I love you cards. I love you balloons. I love you cakes and cookies , and jacked up prices on I love you flowers. No matter how high your self-esteem, who buys this stuff for themselves.? Oh, maybe a new red lip gloss from Sephora might be fun. Know thyself, and stay as far away as possible from lingerie shops, card shops, candy stores, and Tiffany, should also be avoided. Too many men leaving with that small aqua shopping bag.

Staying under the covers watching The Way We Were is torture. Only if you enjoy self-torture go for it. Reading love quotes should also be avoided. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

These women do not lack strength or courage. They have the love of each other and family. They are each others emotional transfusions.They do not whine. They know all that they are grateful for.

However………bottom line…..Valentine’s Day sucks when you’re alone. February 15th will only be a  day away. Having hopes and dreams! February 2016 is only a year away.

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!