I am forever grateful for all the comments you have sent me. I answer every one, because I am humbled by those of you who appreciate, and take the time to comment on my posts. Many years ago. whenever anyone asked me what I do, I always said “I write” never “I’m a writer.” Once I was published years ago on Interfaithfamily.com and New York Woman, and now writing for mothernatureisaman, URAWarrior, and Bershan Shaw, I feel I can say ‘I’m a writer.”….with great pride. I know my husband would have been very proud of me, and I feel his positive energy and love every single day, even though he is no longer physically with me. A grief therapist I met only once, and then emailed for a year, told me “he’s only in the next room.” I told her I looked and he wasn’t there. I now know exactly what she meant. It just took me a few years to realize he became my guardian angel. When you dearly love someone so much, they never die, they never emotionally leave you, and spiritually are with you always. My comfort…Finally finished 80,000 word women’s humor fiction novel with my co-author and friend of over 35 years. Took about that time to finish. Whatever happens with our book, we did it. We both wrote our characters and content of book. I am very technically challenged, and could never have put the book together, but she did, and now we have two versions. One I like with all the back story, and one she likes with the back story integrated. The publishing business is difficult at best, but we are going forward. Hope is an emotion I hope to have until my last breath. So here’s forever hoping our book is seen or read. Realistically, I believe in our book more than me ever finding another soul mate. A most positive realization, not negative in anyway….because…..you never know…the word hope never leaves me. Whenever I feel the need for some positive reinforcement, your comments do the job, and for that I am deeply grateful for all of you who have shared your words with me. Thank you, Paulette
Humility and Gratitude
Fall…….”Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” Betty Friedan
I once wrote that the season of Fall reminds me of older women. One day, in their glory like gorgeous shades of fall leaves, then shriveled up and slush in the streets. That was years ago, and I have since become an older woman. Naturally, I no longer think that way. Instead, I have chosen the denial route. Most of my friends avoid the number discussion,and mortality is rarely if ever discussed. Seems to me, why discuss. As long as denial works, and I do think for me, it’s a productive descriptive word, then use it to your advantage, Nothing negative about denial, when it makes living well worth living in the moment. I do have one friend that I talk to once a week. She never has a conversation without saying the word old. I firmly believe that if you have your health, and feel old, then you are old. Other friends and some up to 97 say over and over again.,,,, Age is just a number, not a limitation They seem ageless in their outlooks on everything… Of course I do notice a few changes in myself, and then denial appears,,. Lighting is everything. Look at televisions stars. In person you see every flaw, and with flattering lighting, perfection….some women ….even with some “work” done still don’t look totally natural. So what’s the answer? Only look at yourself in good lighting, and don’t overspend your time scrutinizing every little line and droop. Seriously if you smile , it’s amazing what a quick fix lift you have. Good nutrition and exercise a must. Pay attention to not being in the sun without protection, and always moisturize…. if you don’t live in a hot climate, organic extra virgin olive oil is a good inexpensive one. Speaking of virgins, we have mostly become born again virgins, but nothing should stop you from engaging in a one on one…Not difficult to figure that out. In my apartment I do walk as if I am 102. Falling is the number one accident you don’t want to have. I read that most women are in nursing homes because of broken hips. I have all beautiful tile floors and I would prefer not laying here for a week, and then playing bingo the rest of my life. Just going to touch on that subject, If I can’t take care of myself, by myself, I may have to move to Oregon. Quality of life is essential. Not judging anyone who lives in senior places, whatever works. As long as I can, I want to see diversity in all areas of my life. Shoot me is my answer to my children, who for some reason do not find that humorous. Guess denial works for them as well. But enough of reality. Reality sucks! If I want reality, I can read the newspapers, so full of violence and more violence, that I avoid. Avoid and deny. I can’t do anything about it. Politics is a subject that is very foreign to me as are politicians, most anyway. Love reading articles about the arts, culture and any feel good information. I seem to be giving myself many many choices now. Be around nourishing positive people, listen and use all your senses for what is kind and loving. Sounds banal??? It actually works if you can manage it. Let negative people go.. You have no choice but to Spring ahead, even though Fall is here…..just to add, all those positive women I know in their 90’s, never talked about being dried up formerly beautiful leaves. It’s all in the attitude. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” George Bernard Shaw……I just read this to my youngest son (54) calling me from the West Coast, and he wanted me to add. “Don’t associate with the falling leaves; instead the everlasting tree with always surviving roots.”
The End Of Summer
“Deep Summer is when laziness finds respectability.” Sam Keen….I refuse to use the word depressed. Prefer denial and easier to deal with. Speaking with my brother this morning, a retired psychiatrist who soon will be 85, we briefly touched on the fact that time is fleeting by. As we get older, it does seem to go faster….and yet faster. What I have said before I will say again. “I will not say, where did Summer go.” I know where it went, it just seems like Spring arrived. To over think , will end up depressing me. Magical thinking on my part, is to just stop the clock. Physically I can’t do that, but emotionally I can just stop looking and listening to the ticking away. So as banal as it sounds, and you hear it over and over again. No choice, but to live in the moment and rejoice.Exalt in the fact you are healthy. Not something to ever take for granted. I did hear a humorous story, that if you are over 65 and get up in the morning and nothing hurts, you’re dead. You do arrive at a certain age, hopefully with some wisdom to pass on to anyone who will listen. You also learn very quickly that there are no do overs….but there are new beginnings. Fall for one. So the best thing is be mellow, chill out and enjoy those last lazy hazy days of summer, and look forward to the crisp air of Autumn. They even wrote a song about “Autumn in New York.” and when the polar vortex arrives this Winter? “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus
Honesty/ Trust Expectations
Often wonder why people are unable to be honest. Many hide beneath insincerity, and others hide behind truth. A friend told me a story of someone who not only unfriended her on Facebook, but blocked her as well. She never knew why. It was a mystery, and she of course wanted closure. I told her my favorite saying and personal philosophy….with a smile of course. “If you don’t care I care less.” It did get me thinking though of why someone would do that. She actually thought the person was a friend, not someone she saw socially, but an acquaintance, that I told her was the problem. The person should have never been on her Facebook page. Only friends should be on Facebook and that is why the list is called Friends. I’m on Twitter, and not often, but there are times when people unfollow you. The loyal followers stay and so many become lovely connections. When someone tells you how spiritual they are, or how much you should trust them, I personally am very wary. People you trust completely never have to say “trust me.” I try very hard to have high expectations for very few, and then, I am never disappointed. I did have a friend once who stopped getting my blogs because she thought I was referring to her when I brought up people with negative personality vs those with positive energy on a post I wrote. Had nothing to do with her, but as the saying goes, “if the shoe fits.” etc etc. It never hurt me at all. If we all think of times that people may have disappointed us, think if you had unrealistic expectations. The friends and family you consider to be your “emotional transfusions” will never hurt you, and if they do, then search within yourself, why you gave them so much power to begin with. When you empower yourself, and take the power from others or the situation, you achieve inner peace and emotional strengths. Wonderful Wonderful tools to use in your life. Negative energy is all around us. Just reading or listening to the news. It’s so much easier to live in the positive lane of your life. One of my favorite quotes to live by….”For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.” Plato…..Be careful who you trust your emotions with, and always know the heart and brain must work as a team…
Alone
There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I think there’s a big difference, or maybe I talk myself into thinking that way. We can use our mind to talk ourselves in and out of whatever we want. I choose to think that for the last ten years, I have learned to live alone. I have also learned not to think of loneliness as an option. I live in New York City. The city that never sleeps….I have the choice of going out 24/7 for food, hairdresser, movies, shopping in all night drug stores, and whatever. Have I ever gone? Will I ever? No of course not. Forever forever grateful for all the family and friends in my life. As I always say, my emotional transfusions. Actually only people who live alone know exactly what it’s like living alone. You eat alone, if someone actually cooks, you cook alone, you watch television and listen to music alone, you wake up and go to sleep alone. You are alone. There are so many single women in New York City, the numbers are huge. So, as many of us do, you find something lovely about being alone. You can eat anything at any hour. You can watch whatever you want. You can You can You can……anything and everything…..but who wants to really? After many years women accept their fate and say things like…..”I love being alone. Who needs a man? Who wants to be a nurse or a purse? If a man came through my roof, that would be the only way I would be with one. I never want to do his laundry. Maybe one in my life, occasionally in my bed, but never in my apartment.”
For me personally, I love what Betty White said, “I had the best, who needs the rest.”
But, and a big but. Occasionally when alone, a ten second pity party and let the tears flow. I just can’t stay too long at the party. Sheer joy is being in love with a man who loves you back. Just remembering takes away any lonely feeling and brings me comfort and joy, and even hope….still…..
Hey, it’s almost 8pm and I didn’t have lunch. Dinner can be anytime and great left overs from a family favorite restaurant night….in a basket while I watch television.
Alone yes, feeling lonely no. Do I love living alone? Of course not!!!!!!
Time
I asked my friends in a very nice way not to say “where has the time gone.” I know where the time has gone and is going. Very Very quickly, and the older we get, it seems the faster it goes. I remember as a child, the long delicious days of summer seeming to last forever. Now they are showing fall and winter clothes in New York City shops. I find back to school pencils a bit annoying at this time. I do believe that should be illegal and stores fined by showing back to school in July and women’s fashions galore. Let me just enjoy August before it’s Labor Day. I decided this year to wear only white and bright colors all summer. Why? Because all the years before, it was October, and I realized I never wore my summer clothes. I do have a pact with some of my friends to never discuss the passing of time and not to ever say, “where did July go.I can’t believe it’s August.” I mean what is the point of noticing. I once read that “denial is a wonderful thing.” Thought it was Kitty Carlisle. Not only is it, but selective memory is quite a comfort when living alone and over-thinking becomes over-thinking. Time to get out the candle and clear the mind and meditate for five minutes. I consider myself grateful and fortunate having loving family and friends in my life. Something about a 700 square foot apartment with enough closets, also on my grateful list.The big switch from summer to winter becomes easier. Do I want to think about that now? Of course not….please lets enjoy August. By the way, where did July go? Rejoice in the last days of summer. With global warming, we may even have summer until October. But for those of you who buy new clothes every season, you better get to the stores, before they run out of wools in August.
The Feelings Never Go Away
My husband died so suddenly almost ten years ago. He was 73 and looked and acted so much younger. His death was sudden and a shock. Grief has turned, in time, to gratitude. I am so lucky to have had him in my life for almost 50 years. His pictures, energy, and love, have given me comfort. A new relationship? Not in the cards for me so far. I tried internet dating and while it might work for some, for me it would be a miracle. I’m fine, really I am with so much love and devotion from family and friends. I have a life. But, there are always those moments, and I want to share the words of Pablo Neruda from his 100 Love Sonnets, speaking of romantic love. They may give someone the emotional warmth they give me.
“If only love would spread its savor through me!-not to go one moment more without spring! What I sold into sorrow was only my hands, dearest:
now leave me with your kisses.
Shut out the month’s light with your fragrance; close all the doors with your hair. Only do not forget, if I wake up crying it’s only because in my dream I’m a lost child.
hunting through the leaves of the night for your hands, for your caresses like the wheat, the flashing rapture of shadow and energy.
O my dearest, nothing but shadow there where you walk with me through your dream: you tell me when the light returns.”
For my world to read. I love you Barry and will for the rest of my life.
Ida and Her Secrets?
Unforgettable….that is how I would describe Ida. We met at the Senior Residence, living and loving her Independent Living situation. Her own apartment and totally self sufficient. She describes herself as a “short, chatty Asian.” I would say positive, cheerful, and wonderful. My son visits his mother in law at the same place and calls Ida The Mayor. Everyone knows Ida. Loving energy obvious to all who meet her, and she is only 92. Difficult to tell age today, and the older I get, the younger everyone becomes. I also think of old age starting at 104. Magical thinking and denial are a necessity, for me. Ida is charming, vivacious, beautiful inside and out, and I had to know all her secrets. We didn’t have too much time, because she was so busy and in the dining room, she works the room, saying hi to everyone. It seems not just me, but everyone loves Ida. A few days later, I called , and asked if I could do a mini interview. I had to know what her secrets were, even though I had a good idea about the positive energy for one. So first I asked about skin. She must have some sort of formula that she makes in her room I thought. So her answer to the skin question. “Oh I use only soap and water. I don’t use anything else”. OK I thought, what about nutrition and exercise? “Oh I never exercise and the only time I started eating healthy was when I moved here.” and she added, “people all said I knew everyone soon after I moved in. No, everyone knew me.” I can certainly understand why everyone would want to be with Ida. She laughs with sheer joy in her light. I was overjoyed when she told me “I was a bright beginning to her week.” That left me with a smile for days, even now months later as I think of her. She was widowed twice and her son lives near and visits. She said “she doesn’t dwell on sadness or loss. She doesn’t make life a struggle. Not very religious. Loves the community life she is part of and checks the calendar everyday to make sure she hasn’t left anything out of her schedule.I don’t want to miss anything.” She considers herself a people person and she shares so many of the positive personality traits my friend Edith practices at 96. Ida said “if you want a friend, you have to be a friend.” When you meet Ida, you never forget her. Her caring ways, stopping at everyone’s table to say hi, and make sure all are doing well. She smiles, you smile back.Her joy is contagious. She has a drink on her birthday, but otherwise doesn’t drink alcohol.
So my new friend Ida and her secrets. Making others feel good. That’s not a secret, that’s an art.
Individuality Can Be Wonderful
You don’t have to fit the mold. Make your own shape……………..pm
I Can See Me!!
My eye doctor suggested surgery. As much as I try not to obsess about “the numbers” the facts speak for themselves. Cataracts are age related. Rarely are they not age related. So looking on the bright side, you have to live long enough to need cataract surgery. The right eye, and then two weeks later, not to be left out, the left eye. Thank goodness “third eyes” are not operable. So realizing my good fortune, I wanted to turn this into a positive experience, and might as well have an eye lift at the same time. Unfortunately, the eye surgeon was not enthusiastic about my idea, and immediately knocked it down laughing.
According to Web MD, cataract surgery is successful for 85-92 out of 100 adults. Not bad odds. Once I made up my mind to go for it, a little surprise bag arrived from the drug store. Three tiny plastic bottles. Eye drops to be taken before and after surgery. Two of the bottles, five days before, and the third, after, and to take until all finished. $94 and according to the drug store, I saved hundreds of dollars having a prescription plan. Outrageous in my opinion, the cost of drugs.Now the hard part, to remember to take four times a day, five minutes apart. Sounds easy for most, but not for me. Didn’t take long to figure out I needed to write down names and times and then it became easy…..most of the time.
I was told to be at Manhattan Eye and Ear at 7:30 am. If there had been a motel on 64th Street for $49 a night, I would have been tempted. Going to sleep at 2am and waking up at 6am is not a great combination. The night before, with a little help from Ambien, I went to sleep at 12. Have my own morning routine, re yoga, weights, standing on my head, etc etc and got up at 6:45. Nothing to eat or drink after 12am. As my mother would say, “this should be the worst thing you go through.” Very grateful it’s considered easy and safe.
I arrived at the hospital at 7:10, and felt I was checking into a Five Star Hotel. Everyone was eager to please and charming and hospitable, ( tiny pun)…..I was surprised I was quite calm. Not many fatalities with this type of surgery. Everyone I knew described it as miracle outcomes, and saw immediate results.
I was given the gown, that ties in the back, a warm robe, ugly slippers, and a cotton hat, to cover all hair. I waited until the last minutes to put the hat on and tried to give it a little French beret slant, but it still looked like a weird shower cap. I looked around at my fellow patients all in the same garb. We could have been at a Senior Center waiting for bingo to start. Everyone was about the same age.
Not sure of the statistics as to how many cataract patients are kidnapped from the hospital. I was asked about 8 times, 8 different aids and nurses, what my name was and date of birth, while checking my wrist band. When I asked about the kidnapping aspect, no one thought it was humorous. “All for security reasons,” I was told.
I felt a little empowered by some research I did on the internet. Many doctors do not like patients surfing the internet. Way too much information. What I was pleased to find out was I had a choice, whether to be put out mildly for the 20 minutes surgery, or just given a mild sedative. I wanted to be up and alert and asked for the Valium route.Not sure how up and alert I was, since I remember absolutely nothing except being back in my room and ready to go home with my friend who was picking me up. Felt fine, and given papers and booklets with instructions and all the what if’s. Fortunately none of the what if’s happened. No weights, no standing on my head, and no eye makeup for ten days. I didn’t realize the healing process takes about a month. Had check up appointment the next day and all went well. I do see improvements and will have the next one done in two weeks.
…………………………………the one downside? I don’t look in the mirror often, but when I did, I can see me quite clearly now and could really use an eye lift.
mother nature is a man and other observations.. 
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