Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for the ‘changes’ Category

That’s Life…It is what it is and it is what it isn’t….

Perhaps it has to do with the holidays, perhaps it has to do with being alone, perhaps it has to do with the end of something, perhaps it has to do with no new beginnings in sight. Who knows what really causes one to feel down. I hesitate to use the word depressed, because it is so overused. TV commercials galore boasting of this pill or that pill to lift your depression. My brother has been a psychiatrist for over 50 years and he has always said that there are no happy pills, and most suffer from what they consider to be an unhappy life, or the inability to deal with life, and there are no pills for that ailment. What they are? Mood elevators, as he put it “life still sucks, but you can deal with it.” I have chosen another road when feeling down or sad. I chant, go down the good stuff list, get out and about. But, then again there are those times that you just have to let it in and hope for a quick exit.

Sadness arrives, and if your emotional tools kick in… it passes. I know women who are alone, and prefer it to the unhappy marriages they had. One woman, when I was on a hotline, told me she was more alone when she was married. Everyone suffers occasionally I am sure from feeling low, no matter how long your grateful list is. For me, when I am down, the one void on my not so grateful list overtakes all the good stuff, and then I have to reign it all in, and work on myself. I never chose therapy. My family and friends as I have said so many times before, are my emotional transfusions..Most of the time I don’t bother my children because I have friends who feel exactly the same way, and we relate to one another, talk about it, cry about it, and then magically, but not really magic but hard work, it leaves. It lifts and the sun comes out again. I don’t numb myself with many pills or alcohol because I’m afraid of overusing. Not one to judge what works as long as it’s positive. Not against a little Xanax to sleep . So would a new love make everything all better. Sure, I would be happier to have another soul mate, but even though I still have hope, I don’t obsess about it. I need to live the life I have and relish in the things I have. We can never ever take good health for granted. So good health, thankfully, nourishing family and friends, and living in, for me, the best city in the world. So now you have it, I started this post in a funk and already feel better. A friend wants me to audition to do a one woman act and sent me the information. I have to decide by January 3, and one minute I think “why not, if not now when?”
…and then I think “have you lost your mind?” I haven’t decided, just thinking about what material I would do. 35 years ago Jack Rollins wanted to sign a woman comic, and a writer I was working with at the time on material, wanted to do it. She was the one who got us the meeting. I was in my early 40’s and didn’t think I wanted to be a stand up comic. My jobs at the time…. wife, mother and volunteering. We went to the Jane Street Cafe since that was where we were going to perform. It never happened because I wasn’t going to take a risk. Mr. Rollins soon signed Paula Poundstone. He was a gentle man and a gentleman with great class and kindness. In every Woody Allen film, he is listed as Executive Producer. He is about 98. I have no regrets about that decision, but this new opportunity? Maybe I would have regrets for not trying, and there are no guarantees I would be chosen. One has to audition, and you have to be over 40. That is one requirement I can say with certainty I fit in. So whoever took the time to read , I would like the message to be life affirming. .Not about sadness, but about living in the moment with joy. I wish all a Healthy Happy New Year and may 2014 be filled with joys galore….and some dreams actually coming true.

My Non Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Many years ago I wrote to Linda Wells, editor- in-chief Allure Magazine. In “those days” they had the usual what do women wear, or whatever at a certain age. 20’s 30’s 40’s….and then it seemed the rest of the women drop off the earth. Obviously demographically undesirable. At the time I knew women in their 60’s to 90’s who were driving, playing golf, actively looking for “gentlemen” and quite interesting and beautiful. So, I wrote a letter, no email then and suggested she might stretch the hints and tips from women older than 40. I said I would be interested in skin creams etc, foods, and secrets they might share. She wrote me back a lovely letter, and said she would pass on to a senior editor. I never heard, but Vogue several months later did an issue that went up to 60. I could literally go down a list of fabulous beautiful sexy woman in their 60’s to 90’s…but sure you all have your own favorites. Do we not really matter anymore? Why in Europe are women of all ages respected and admired. I met one unforgettable fantastic woman in a French cafe waiting for her lunch date. Her English was halting, but she was able to tell me her scent that was fabulous. It was Sublime, sadly not Made in France anymore. When her lunch date arrived, he was about 50 and he whispered to us that we were in the company of Madame…..and unfortunately I don’t remember her name. He said she was 93 and a legend in Paris. Oh why didn’t I write down her name instead of just jotting Sublime. To get to the point of this post. I have written to The View, Joy Behar, Katie Couric, and Bethenny Frankel,not to have me on the show, but to have women of all ages talking about interesting topics including themselves. Barbara Walters is about 84, and rarely has anyone of her generation on the show. When Joy left, so did I. If you notice, when late night has much older women as guests, it may be a 87-year-old with a 28-year-old boyfriend, or learning the hula hoop or now the twerk. Well, miracles happen. I heard from a producer from the Bethenny Frankel show. Just a guess, but I thought she might be under 25 and said she enjoyed talking to me. I sounded funny. Could I be on the show Friday. This was on a Wednesday. Before I could ask what the topic of discussion would be since I never read the “grey” book, she said it was going to be a great show. If I could come on with my daughter or daughter in law and granddaughter, it would be a three generation makeover. That immediately did not appeal to me at all. I am not interested in a makeover. I very much like my hair style, my not too much makeup, and overall way of dressing, and I could only imagine what the before would look like. Very easily with bad lighting or just in the morning, I could pass for 96. Not interested in showing myself in the worst way on national television. This is a secret I am keeping from my granddaughter since she would probably have loved the experience. I was gracious, and said no thank you, but if they would ever like me to discuss what it is like being single in NYC at 78, I would be happy to be in on that discussion. Or volunteering in women’s issues and some of the experiences I had with women to frightened to stay and more frightened to leave, or the process of writing a book with a co-author and then trying to get a publisher or agent….so many topics to discuss, so little interest I guess. She ended the conversation with “oh my boss is calling, I need to call you back.” So did you hear from her??? Ummmmm now I wonder if I would look better with red curly hair instead of blond straight hair, false eyelashes instead mascara free, foundation, instead of tinted moisturizer. Very proper clothes instead of creative dress…….. Oh well, I’ll never know.

Twitterland/The Land of Twitter

  • Once upon a time, I knew of a land called Twitter. I also knew I would never venture into such a strange and unfamiliar place. I had preconceived ideas that it was a land mostly inhabited by teenagers and celebrities tweeting about what they ate and when they went some place, any place. I also knew that most of them had assistants doing their tweeting. In March I started my blog and went on Facebook. April, my birthday month, was when I took the risk of going on Twitter, still thinking it was foolish on my part. How wrong I was. Not only does the world become a smaller place, the Twitter world can also be a very gentle place, overflowing with people who think and feel as you do….about all that matters to you. The connections can be quite heartfelt, and common bonds with those of all ages, (not mine though) all colors, and from all parts of the world and country. At times the connections become so meaningful that email addresses are exchanged as well. I am proud to say that this day brought my 500th follower…Bill from Buffalo and I thank him for following me. All my followers are mutually chosen, and I am not really interested in buying followers which can be done. A definite smile moment when everyday the element of surprise enters my morning. Might be a new follower, a RT or a fave…because my words are appreciated, I have received enormous validation. What was once an alien world has become my neighborhood. Try it, you might like it. I send again to all my followers, a sincere thank you, and for making me feel so welcomed. Foolishness? Not at all…Meaningful…you bet!
  • Reasons

    People come in and out of our lives for reasons…. and so many lessons to be learned.

    Quality vs Quantity….who knows for sure?

    Very often, observing, not judging, you see marriages lasting over 50 years. Perhaps morphing into a lovely companionship. Physically who knows? The bonus would be intimacy into your 90’s. I just know I would have had the bonus, but then again, who knows? The same with friends. You may have friends for over 50 years, but years may change your circumstances, and unless the friendship has more than longevity, it might be time to let go. Emotional cleansing, I have always said, is just as important as physical cleansing. When my husband died so suddenly, and I could no longer stay in New Jersey with all my memories, I moved to New York. As I wrote in my Garden of Friendship blog, there are times you let go. Knowing for sure why!

    Facebook and Twitter

    I am welcoming myself to the 21st Century. Hope my blog will be more visible using other social networks. Also have new phone to replace the flip that kept saying old person to me every time I flipped. So, I guess,  anything is possible now…….or not…

    How Many Opinions????

        How many opinions do you really need, when making a personal decision?. Now, we’re not talking about medical, legal, or all that require expert advice. Just the simple every day decisions that can easily be made by one person…YOU…. or you can turn   into a full blown anxiety attack. I do know women who go shopping to buy something quite simple, like a pair of sunglasses, but it turns into a huge project, spending hours mulling whether they really need  them, and  what store, department or optical should they go to.  Then after asking several sales people what they think, finally  taking them  home for a few more opinions. I was then asked for my opinion about the color and size of the sunglasses. I gave my honest opinion, rather quickly…Yes, they look lovely on you, always mindful that is the way you compliment….and 3 days later, I hear about the return. Seems someone, somewhere, in her apartment building didn’t like them. I’m a firm believer that if you ask 10 opinions, you may very well get 10 opinions. Going shopping in my closet, even for sunglasses, makes life easier and certainly less expensive.

              Now, when it comes to my personal life, decisions are a bit more difficult to make. I still ask myself first before embarking on the journey of who to ask. Who would really  know better than me, and why ask is generally the conclusion I arrive at.

     Faced with a  major personal decison, like should I really be with a man who happens to be  younger, alot younger..really younger,  but thankfully legally younger… What would society think? Would it depend on what part of the country I lived in? Would the friendship work in Kansas?  I wonder about Texas, or heaven forbid Utah!!!  Better stay in New York City, certain parts of California would be ok, but not Orange County, and of course Oregon.,   Getting older is such  a relief.. You worry less about the opinions of others. You base your opinions  on your own experiences, and your common sense, that hopefully ripened  after 65.  You go for it, if you want to go for it. Maybe!  You do what you want, when you want, regardless of the opinions of others..The big BUT….I have never and would never intentionally hurt anyone. So perhaps, I should just stop counting!  So what’s your opinion?

    Technically savy…NOT

    My very first post, I noticed a spelling error and of course, not sure, but did try to rectify..guess it takes a while to get the hang of it. so having been involved in women’s issues for so many years, I have heard the voices of many…some in quiet tones of resolution and others quite angry with their challenges of being single in a couple world. Yes, we do not want to be known as whiners and complainers, and certainly not good for the soul..But, so many of us are completed or old souls, but still working on what makes relationships thrive..and then what happens??? You meet a man or a woman or new friend, and wonder if they are from another planet. I have a philosophy that works and it doesn’t come from a negative place…just always working on yourself, even though for the most part, at over 70, we are completed in many ways..This applies to friends, lovers, almost lovers, relatives and the list goes on..If You don’t care, I care less..It works and then if it doesn’t, the very gentle words of I don’t give a f… or I don’t give a s……So IDGAF…or IDGAS…if said as a mantra several times a day, it might save you thousands of dollars in therapy..Enjoy your day and remember it’s the treasured people and moments in life that sustain and comfort and support you…not the OTHERS!!!!