mother nature is a man and other observations..

Another Word For Senior……Please!

What descriptive words do you prefer if you are over a certain age?  Once you have joined the ranks of AARP.  I’m not a huge fan of  labels, but the media is. So what is it to be? Senior, Golden Age, Golden Years, Elderly, Old. Not fond of any of them, and yet we all seem to have labels. Not all of us want to do fit in the mold. So I thought if I had to have a new name for my blog, it would be. Visions From A Vintage Vantage. There are shops that cater to vintage merchandise.

Vintage can be very valuable…. Checked definition,  and other than wine, the words used to describe vintage are enduring, recognized, quality, interest, importance, quality, classic.

I’m OK with Vintage!

Who Can Make You Better?

Over the years, and being at the age I am becoming

(doing the numbers thing…..in a positive way,) you hope that you reach an  age when wisdom comes into play. Your wisdom. In no way am I putting down drugs when people need them, or therapy. I often quote my brother, a psychiatrist for over 50 years, and has treated patients who are clinically depressed. I am not talking about that issue. I volunteered in a mental health hospital for over 20 years and talked with many men and women, in a non professional way. I never gave advice, I just listened.  I have come to the conclusion that many people create their own problems, and some even enjoy them. The victim role comes to play. Many people need to be the center of attraction, but  in a negative way. Many people just don’t like themselves, and expect others to like them. I also worked on a hot line and many problems were discussed……..we were trained to prioritized. I am just going to give one example, because this woman called once a week.  It was completely anonymous. She hated her family and friends. Her children changed their telephone numbers so she couldn’t call them. She used the word hate over and over again…….and then would always say she was a wonderful person. She was loving. She was a good mother and friend. Forgot to mention she really hated her husband as well, but she was a wonderful wife. Of course she was the extreme, but they are out there. The older I get, the more I talk to myself…not in a certifiable way, but very positive. I work on myself everyday not to feel the sadness  missing my husband, and the life I had with him. I do call them pity parties, but never stay too long at the party, because I am not pathetic…. For me, and perhaps others, it is very important to think things out, but never over think. You accomplish nothing by over thinking the same negative approach. This may sound too easy, but if you are able physically to do this, please try. Cut down on sugar and carbs…When feeling down,  dancing music, especially I Will Survive…Put a smile on your face and the timer at 20 minutes, and dance as if no one is watching…..because no one is. Careful not to fall and break something as that would not be productive…I can almost guarantee you will feel better. Again, I am just talking about the normal sadness we all feel at one time or another. The most important relationship you  have is with yourself, and if you can’t be alone with yourself, maybe you don’t like that person, and need to  figure out why. You want friends? Be a friend!……My problem, is the laughter seemed to leave my life almost 11 years ago. The music did too, but that was a bit easier to turn on again. Tried the Laughing Room in NYC,  that they have in India, but it was too forced. Didn’t work for me. Perhaps dancing won’t work for everyone, but listening might. ” During moments of musical euphoria, blood travels through the brain to areas where other stimuli can produce feelings of contentment and joy–and travel away from brain cell areas associated with depression and fear.” Dr. Frederick Tims. Made sense to me. Maybe to you as well.

Perhaps we can heal ourselves…..Perhaps loving ourselves is one of the answers. Perhaps we can make ourselves feel better. Perhaps we should try.

Waiting

Going  to dinner and theater with a friend. I arrived twenty-five  minutes early and forgot my phone. Not a good idea. How many times can you read the menu? At wonderful  Orso, the menu is not that large, and takes a full minute or  two to read . You observe everyone walking  by your table, and my table was right in  front. You don’t want to look impatient or grouchy, so you have a smile on your face, and that starts to feel uncomfortable as well…So you adjust your smile a bit. Not wearing a watch,and not having my phone, I have no idea what time it is after 5 and how many times can you ask? What I did notice, was why this restaurant is one of the most popular in the theater district, on Restaurant Row and successful for many years. They run a tight ship along with all the integrity a good restaurant needs. Great consistent food, professional lovely service and a pretty setting….but still I sit by myself, with a faint smile and wait…….grateful I can look forward to a terrific meal as soon as my friend arrives. Fortunately she wasn’t too late. Sometimes waiting with patience with nothing to do becomes a quiet time to just wait.

Family Joys

Off to Salt Lake City Utah for a very happy occasion. My beautiful wonderful granddaughter is graduating high school and then on to new adventures for her. She leaves for Australia to volunteer with Aborigine children, and will travel throughout the country making her mark. She has so much to give. When she comes back after a month, we are all going to Calif. to celebrate my milestone birthday. Time…..really flies as one gets a bit older. Then a counselor at a children’s day camp until Aug…..and the biggest move forward? College. Her life is ahead of her. May her choices and experiences be positive, and may she celebrate the wonder-filled and talented young women she is. May she thrive in all of her adventures, and when she has her career, may she make an emotional dent in a positive way to all she touches. Congratulations my love and full steam ahead. I love you heart and soul forever, and proud as can be.

Her wonderful spirit

Doing OK…Most of The Time…My Way

Another snow storm. Another cancellation. Had tickets with my friend to see Constellations. Dinner first at Joe Allen’s…Same story last month. Same show, same snow. Now we will enjoy the show  next week. Too dangerous to go out because of the freeze and ice. Spent yesterday at MOMA experiencing and enjoying the Bjork show. So many thousands of women live alone in NYC, and we are all faced with the same problem. If not working full-time, how do you fill your time. I did community service for over 50 years in New Jersey. The police department in NYC doesn’t have a walk in for domestic violence victims that a crisis team handles. It is handled by police people. I tried to volunteer in many places, but either too far to travel for what I wanted to do, or hospital service, and I didn’t want to work in a hospital. The first year after my husband died, my service was to me, to figure out how and if I wanted to live again. I couldn’t do what I wanted to, because of my children and grandchildren. Not exactly a positive legacy to leave. I re-created myself, and I must say not only am I proud, but I know my husband would be beaming.

So a lazy day at home. Productive since I don’t stay in bed or cry all day at a pity party. I do believe in pity parties, but just can’t stay too long. Five minutes and leave. I wonder what all the lonely women do in their apartments all day and night. Some are lonely. I try not to use that word. It makes me feel lonely. I’m alone but  take in all the creative energy of the city. Forever grateful for treasured family and friends.  Fortunate to be able to go  to concerts, jazz, movies, theater, museums, etc. Have friends who are more than willing to enjoy the benefits of living in the city.  Cooking and baking are foreign  terms used in my former life, before I ran away from New Jersey. My new theory is…”if someone can make it better, let them.” I cook oatmeal, veggies, and occasionally cold water wild fish. A can of sardines is sometimes a healthy alternative. As long as I have nuts, hummus,, salad and fruit, I’m set.  But, I’m talking about a long snowy day. Since I write a great deal, reading books has  become part of my past life. When my husband died, my concentration went  as far as People Magazine. I do read the New York Times. I find depressing news way too depressing to read. Most of the news is frustrating as well.  I feel I was sent to the wrong planet. A place sadly, where violence and hatred seem to  thrive. My planet is one of peace, love and kindness. Maybe Avatar?  I enjoy Twitter and have many connections in The Lovely Land of Twitter.  Facebook and write for three blogs. But my pain is  there and will never go away.   Sometimes it becomes overwhelming and I know  what to do. My husband and I danced at least once a week alone in our home. Always to Louis Armstrong, or jitterbug to his  favorite big bands ,the sounds of Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and my favorites Rod Stewart and Charles Aznavour.   Not  looking for self-torture, so I rarely play  anymore…….On this very snowy dreary day, just didn’t feel like  going  to the gym. Instead I put  on Pure Disco…..set the timer for 25 minutes and danced with pure joy, no inhibitions making the moves even more aerobic, and smiling all the time, in my own fantasy land with magical thinking on the side.

So what I did  on yet another snowy day?  Not drink the pain away, not eat the pain away, and not drug the pain away. I danced the pain away……and as I always think, I’m OK.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Integrity….Genuine

Integrity..”the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Genuine..”truly what something is said to be; authentic

Two of my favorite words for people, places, and things. I try to surround myself with those that have these qualities. As Rumi so beautifully said..”Be with those who help your being.”

Control Controlling…A Good Thing

Hearing the word control or controlling conjures up a personality that I avoid strongly.  I did have some controlling friends once upon a time ago. They were part of My Friendship Garden that I pruned . When you do that, it’s amazing how quickly a new and beautiful plant appears. One that forever stays. But, getting back to the control issue. I have been told in a loving, not critical way by family and friends, that I am very disciplined. I do believe the practice of the philosophy of Buddhism attributes to that aspect of my personality. Also practicing yoga for 40 years and a strong consumer interest in nutrition. When my sons were young, they would trade brown bread and peanut butter and jelly for white wonder bread and marshmallow fluff. Now they say “Mom you were ahead of yourself.” I was I guess controlling as far as what they ate at home, but not in an obsessive way. They both had a sleep out and when they came home raved about the wonderful dinner they had, and why I can’t make them the same delicious dinner. They described in detail the  chicken, veggie, apple sauce, cookie,  and all in a great tin container. I called the mom even though I knew they were raving about a TV Dinner. A stranger in our home.  So anyway, their big treat when we had plans to go out, and they were with a sitter,  was one of those. Eating or using a cosmetic with something  that I can’t spell or pronounce is a no-no. I have a label now, a pescatarian, a  vegan who eats fish and eggs. When you live a healthy life style, re exercise, nourishing food and people, it becomes natural. It would be counter productive if it was work. Diets don’t work. People generally lose 40 lbs and gain back 45lbs. That is my definition of a diet. Changing your life style takes control….controlling yourself…..and that is the point of this post. Being able to have control over yourself is what gives you the discipline over your food intake, exercise, and just as important, especially for me, controlling my  thoughts. When my husband died  suddenly, I was in shock. My grieving process took a very long time. You get over, but never forget. In the process, I had to let go of judging questionable friends who questioned my grieving. However making your life easier in a positive way is worth trying. I had to take complete control over me. My thoughts, my activities, my friends, my life. I decided to make a grateful list and I had so much to be grateful for. The huge void of not having my husband with me could not make everything else meaningless. I learned how to compartmentalized. It is such a mellow feeling  to think happy, not sad. Grateful, not taking for granted.  The important decision I made was to run away, and yes I did run away from New Jersey to New York City. One of the best decision I made, and it was immediate. I took control even in my grief. Having wonderful devoted loving family helped of course. I lived with my son, “daughter” and granddaughter for 18 months. I knew it was not going to be a forever thing. I had to create my new life. My favorite saying is my family and friends are my emotional transfusions. So control is definitely not a negative in my perspective. It’s just me I’m controlling…..But, to be honest I do try with my children to very gently advise them on good nutritional habits. At times they listen. Most  of the time I will hear….”Mom stop trying to control.” ……….Who Me?????