Still a dreamer…Old Memories and New Hopes

Archive for the ‘feelings’ Category

My New BFF/Via Etiquette

What a wonderful new BFF I have. Not even human, but never the less, a most important addition to my life. Well, there is a human in the equation. The Via driver, almost always, there to please.
I used to go from East Side to West Side to my kids apartment. It was always under $10 one way depending on the traffic. Usually less, even with a tip. But that was, and now it’s anywhere from $12 to $20, Anyone that has taken a taxi, knows the helpless feeling when caught in traffic and the meter keeps going up and up and up.
So now enters Via. A car service that cost $5.00 anywhere in the city. Now they have expanded into Brooklyn. You have to share the ride, almost always a new van. Very clean. You’re picked up and dropped off within a block or two, and mostly even closer. There can be,in commuter hours as many as four others in the car. I have been in a Via by myself most of the time.
I have noticed there is a certain Via Etiquette that is observed by almost all of the passengers. NO cell phones re talking. Cell phones used but no sounds. Occasionally the text is heard. The passengers don’t talk to one another either. Picture the noise and sometime insanity of the city and knowing for the duration of your ride, peace and quiet. No news, thank the universe……Sometimes the driver has new age or classical music playing….very softly.
If you take a friend with you, it’s an additional $3.00. I rarely take the subway or taxi. I like the bus or walk. Now I have my own driver creating a safe and quiet environment.
If there is any problem, and I have had some re destination, the company has integrity to rectify the situation.
What’s going on in the world is not exactly calming, so getting from one place to another has now become my peace of mind.
One problem…some of the drivers have that thing hanging from the rear view mirror and the smell is horrible.
Worse than horrible, it gives me a headache.
Fortunately not all have it and if they did, I might have to check to see if that could be included in the rules of etiquette. No hanging green things.
I do look forward to my next Via trip because I know I will get to my destination in a new, scent free, quiet, car driven by a kind person, and no meter ticking away at my wallet.
Welcome Via to NYC

Category:

feelings

Toxic, No Thank You!!!!

I wrote a post called Friendship Garden. In essence it’s about removing toxic plants to make room for beautiful new ones. Of course it was a metaphor about letting go of people who are not healthy for you to be near. I call it emotional housecleaning. The same way it feels good to get rid of “stuff”, the feeling is even better when the stuff happens to be people. I don’t like using the words get rid of when it comes to humans, a bit harsh…I use letting go. The more you let go of negative energy that other people create for you, or you allow them to create, the better you feel and the healthier you are emotionally and physically.
I find I do this periodically because you can’t be all things to all people. You love and adore your family and that’s where expectations are the highest. When you have friends “who get you,” there is nothing like that feeling. Its nourishing. It’s joyful. It’s the way it ought to be.
So when you have someone in your life who is excessively needy, and in my case, I’m talking about a woman friend or ex friend, who’s extremely narcissistic, when it’s only and all about her, you can make excuses for a time, you can even get along, for a time, but eventually the time comes when it is easier to not have them in your life. That’s a decision you have to make, and be comfortable with. (Fortunately she doesn’t read my blog.)
I often wonder why it is so much easier for me to let go of a negative toxic person than it is of clothes I haven’t worn in 50 years……..but you never know, I might have an occasion to wear……and the person? A No! Well, I am forever grateful to have so many friends for so many years and just as important new, interesting, and wonderful new friends that are just waiting to bloom.

Category:

feelings

When A Short Visit Just Isn’t Enough

When I was young, it seemed people you loved never moved away. At least not far away.
I’m not complaining because I am forever grateful to have sons that at least live in this country. My oldest fortunately lives a bus away with his family. My granddaughter in NYC fortunately.
My younger son and his family live in Southern California, and my two grandsons live there when not in college in Idaho.
My very special birthday was celebrated and made even more special in California when we were all together. Never enough time though….So my younger son came for a visit last week. He wasn’t even able to stay a full week. I realized as I do every day that you must focus on the positive. At least he was here. At least we had some laughs…and he had enough food that he doesn’t get very often in California to last, at least another year.
So instead of focusing on the fact he lives tooooooo far away, I’m looking forward to his next visit or mine to California.
It’s all about being grateful for what I have, and exalting in that feeling.
And that’s just the way it is. Any parent that has adult children or grandchildren living a distance away knows exactly the feelings I’m having right now. He left a few hours ago. Hopefully safe and sound on the West Coast tomorrow. His flight was delayed so long that he will miss his connecting flight in Atlanta, Hotel vouchers were handed out, and he’ll spend the night in Georgia. Think that’s the name or should be of a song…
No matter how old they are, no matter how far away they live….the love just increases…

Category:

feelings

Mail Order Bride….Not

I said I never would and I did. I went back on Tinder. For a good reason. Being interviewed again and needed to be on for the story line….and then off forever and forever. I have learned some great lessons that I would like to pass on once again if you’re on any dating site. Never give your personal contact information unless you have actually met the person. Don’t spend time and energy texting unless you feel you have a real connection, if that’s possible. Probably not, so don’t be disappointed. Have very low expectations and then be surprised. Unless you just want a pen pal, save information about yourself until you have a coffee or drink.. I had such a funny experience today, I needed to share… I was matched with a dermatologist, 68 and looked much older. We did share many of the same interests…so this was the communication. He…Where are you from…Me…I live in Manhattan…He..please do me a favor and send me three more photos of yourself. One without sunglasses, and two close up. I would also like to see your Instagram account.How old are you really? You’re not 81… { BTW my Tinder profile picture is me standing up next to a fake bear taken in Virginia and the bear has a sign, no whining…I look like the picture and it was very sunny out that day and I have on sunglasses, also true age from Facebook.}
Me…..I’m not a mail order bride.
……….and then I deleted him.
The only site I truly trust is Stitch.net, because they protect their members and it is much more than a dating site. It’s a community. I enjoy doing events and getting some pretty terrific women together…Now that’s fun.
I have heard wonderful stories about people meeting on-line. But it will just NEVER be for me. Not negative thinking either, just totally realistic. Not giving up hope that I could meet a terrific man, but it will be the old fashion romantic way…….maybe….

Category:

feelings

A Great Feeling

When my grandchildren called me cool, I thought it was fun, because I have never done or said anything to be “cool.” I think that would be uncool.
What is sheer joy is having several of their friends wanting to be Facebook Friends. That to me is very cool. That is truly flattering and gives me yet more purpose to inspire.
I wanted to do a YouTube with my granddaughter called 80/18…A Conversation. Talking about everything two single women would find sad and also amusing, and interesting. A line of communication stretching across generations. When I asked her if she would like to do this with me….her answer, was “I’m good GaMa.”
Translation: No Way!
I will be doing another interview soon about Stitch.net Community, and also being single at this age and stage in my life.
Hoping to get the link from Global News Brazil. That was a fun interview with two fantastic evolved women from Stitch.
The single world at any age can be daunting and also exciting because you just have to have the attitude of “you never know.”
I find something every day to reinforce my gratitude. A necessary energy to always remember.
Hope you all keep posted and perhaps to share some happy news. YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!

Category:

feelings

What I Used To Do….What I Do Now

I really don’t spend a lot of time and energy thinking of what I used to do There are too many “what I do now”. I did love to cook, and also played golf. Both are in my past. I have discovered that if someone can make a meal better, let them. I have also discovered if I want to eat oatmeal for dinner, who’s going to stop me? Of course my oatmeal is an entire meal. Oats, crunchy almond butter. golden berries, cinnamon, variety of nuts and fruits. My favorite is a one meal dish. I can eat on a pretty basket in bed watching Netflix. Another favorite is an omelet with veggies. Of course all organic…My big thing to actually make is wild salmon or any cold water wild fish. The easiest way is on top of the stove in a covered pan. It never comes out wrong. Another tip. When you have a container with overflowing greens that would take a month to eat, just put in a pan with a tiny amount of olive oil and saute. It ends up as a tablespoon of green good health. I’ve gotten to the stage where marketing is annoying. One or two items fine, but why do I end up feeling like I’m carrying 50 lbs of things that I have to wash and put away. Hope this doesn’t sound like I’m complaining. I’m not, and would never, not when I can get up and out, and never think of the age thing. It seems everyone else thinks it’s some kind of miracle to be a certain age, and still be breathing, let alone standing on my head, yoga, weights, and walking, jazz concerts, Carnegie Hall, films, Lincoln Center, Manhattan Theater Club and just about anything with a positive vibe.
Global News Brazil came to my apartment on Monday, and we had an interesting, fun interview for Stitch. I asked two Stitch members…. Women who are evolved and fantastic. I hope it went well. You never know with editing etc. I mentioned my children and grandchildren will see the tape and I just want to come across with dignity. My son was funny and said to smile. (meaning don’t talk too much.) This interview was for a show that has to do with dealing with aging. I asked if there could be no labels. I’m a woman first and foremost.My purpose is to inspire others and always has been. My other purpose is to leave a legacy for family. Wisdom is paramount to pass on, and when I can, I certainly try. So I said to please not use words like senior, golden years, old, octogenarian, and so many others. In another interview I said vintage is good..It’s value increases with age. When I think of Maggie Smith, Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Cecily Tyson, Angela Lansbury, Dame Helen Mirren, Dame Judy Dench , Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, Tina Turner……the list goes on and on. My point being, I can think of so many words to describe these magnificent women, and their age is not necessarily one of them. I’m not ashamed of my age. I’m quite proud, but I don’t want to be defined by a number. Coco Chanel ” You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”
Had a crew here Monday. Two women producers, and a camera lighting guy. All terrific and received email from the News Producer saying we were inspirational. Now that’s a label I would love to keep.
Satchel Paige said it best. “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?”

Category:

changes, feelings

Never Again….I Mean It!!!!!

Well, I broke up with Tinder, and I can say with all truth, I will never go on again. They did get some good press recently, and I do know people have actually met on the site. There was just no reason to stay on, since I wrote all there was to write about catfish. Tinder is loaded with them and they became boring and annoying, rather than someone to catch and write about. I feel safe on Stitch.net. More a community than a dating site.
I have no proof, but I feel very strongly that I was the oldest person on the site. I wrote them asking, but never received an answer. I do have enough sense of self, to know I am not interested in men ten years younger than my sons. No matter how much they tell me age doesn’t matter. It does. On the other hand, ten or fifteen years younger sounds pretty good to me. Very good!!!
I did meet one man and the story could be not only funny, but happy. I can’t say anything because he lives far away. Age appropriate. He wanted to meet immediately for a drink which I liked. I was on the bus coming home after a lovely evening with my friend at Lincoln Center. I’m somewhat spontaneous….it sounded great, but I had to do some rewriting, and it was late. Lesson one, I should have gone. We started to text, and I have a feeling we would have TALKED for hours. I didn’t and since I stop myself from ever saying I should have, could have, or would have…..such a waste of time and energy….but…..I should have.
Hopefully he will visit NYC again, and we’ll meet. My belief in serendipity sustains me. If it’s meant to be, it will be…..and so it is and so it shall be. He was so far and above the rest. We found it humorous that we met on Tinder.
So, all the rest were too young, too tattooed, too anxious to “Kuddle”, too needy, way too weird, too enamored with a dead fish, too anxious, too married, too unappealing, too far away, and not even Mr. Maybe Wonderful….What I’m trying to say in a very simple way.
I will not only not pay to go on a dating site, I will never go on Tinder even though its free. If Mr. Could be Wonderful visits and wants to meet for a drink, perhaps another story. I believe I still have many untold stories to be told. Stay tuned……….

Category:

feelings

Overheard Conversation

Metaphor..”a word or phrase for one thing that is used to refer to another thing in order to show or suggest that they are similar.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
Two women talking on the bus. One explaining to the other what a metaphor is….”you can’t go home again.”
This brought memories back to me. High school reunions for one. For me, and this is just my opinion, certain memories should be left back in 1952, when I was a twirler and then a flag swinger. What joy at all the football games and parades. I think if I tried to swing a baton, I would hit myself in the head and get a concussion for sure.
I did go to a few reunions and stopped. We all change of course, but I like changes to be gradual, not all at one time in a large bare room with most not recognizing each other…..and then a really bad dinner. Not to say it doesn’t work for those who love reunions.
I also remember when my husband, and his life long friend decided they wanted to revisit their old dorm room at Wharton. We were at a Penn football game, and then visited their room. The young guys looked at them as though aliens from another planet invaded their space. It was a bit awkward to say the least.
Driving past my home in Maplewood, New Jersey was a jarring experience. Our very beautiful very contemporary home nestled in with old colonials stood out looking so different. We loved the Cubist design. We loved everything about our home. We raised our sons there and celebrated our lives. I remember a humorous story. My youngest son was driven home one day from school. He was about 10. I was looking out the window for him and I saw his carpool drive past our home and in the driveway next door. He waved goodbye and then walked home. After a kiss hello, I asked why he was let off at our neighbors. He said the woman who was driving asked what kind of crazy people live in the strange-looking house. He answered, “Oh they’re very nice.” We had a good laugh over that one. It was a good lesson in not judging and respecting individuality.
It was not a pleasant moment in time driving past memories. It was painful and I fantasized about living there again as a young mother with a wonderful husband and two fantastic sons.
I can’t. I’ll never go home again.
New York City my home now. A pretty good place to hang out in…. New Memories…..

Category:

feelings

We All Have Those Moments!

If you’re born with the Constant Cheery gene, than you wouldn’t be in this category..but most of us have those moments that lead to days, hopefully dealt with, and you’re feeling better in a short time. I have always preferred the all natural route, since I do have, as I have said before, a 24/7 therapist….on duty whenever I need her. Me….I don’t pretend to be a therapist and know what’s right for you. I’m not referring to clinical depression or any issue that needs medical intervention. What I’m talking about reactive sadness, or the feeling of low energy and not yourself mood. If you know for sure this is just an emotional cloud that I have occasionally, I know the treatment for me, and perhaps for you as well.
You may be having personal or family issues. You may not be living in the moment as you try to do. You may be overthinking the negative and not focusing on the positive, everything you think has been resolved becomes unresolved. You need high energy to push away the unwanted thoughts. Your gratitude list may need updating. Your meditation is not as calming as it usually is. The list goes on with all the if’s…So how to address. Cut back on sugar. Most of the times, the bad sugar takes your energy, it doesn’t give it to you. Have a piece of the darkest chocolate if you can.
A quick fix that does last if you’re physically able to do? Twenty minutes of disco dancing. My preference is Pure Disco. Dancing never fails to raise my endorphin’s, giving a natural high. Dance like nobody’s watching, is a quote that has been attributed to many, too many to write down, but they are not my original words……the meaning behind them? Dance like a free spirit. Dance to the music. Dance as if you haven’t a care in the world. It’s great because you have on the rhythms of the universe, not the world.
Hope your joys are like waves in the sea, washing away your sadness, and mine.

Category:

feelings

My Point of View

The next post I’m doing has to do with my experiences on Internet Dating Sites and my conclusions. I’ve spoken to many men and women who do feel the same, but this blog is from my truth. I don’t try to speak for all. Trying to pass on my experiences that might make this difficult process easier. I repeat this often. My truth comes from observations and never from anger. Thanks to followers. I appreciate each and every one of you who read my words. If you can relate and I reach you, that gives me joy.

Category:

feelings