mother nature is a man and other observations..

Dance With Me?

I have been trying to write  a blog about an experience I had with a few of my women friends. I  do not want to appear harshly judgmental, but  at the same time, I only have  my  observation. It has taken me months to process the experience.

I need to preface by saying I love to dance. My husband and I danced all the time. If a mood evoking song came on during a show we were watching,  a quick spin around the den was enjoyed, with Rod Stewart.  I  play  disco in my apartment, and dance alone for the healthy aerobic exercise and good free feeling it gives me.

I’m also extremely sensitive to any environment I’m in, and seem to  pick up energy, both positive and negative. That  being said, my friends and I decided to do a “why not?” experience. For the fun of it try a dancing night  event.  There are those times that the “why not’s” become “what was I thinking?”

Well, for some reason…..fun was not exactly on my dance card.  I did dance with and without my friends. I sort of danced with a man swaying to  Chuck Berry. He  held my hand stretched out and we moved to the music, far apart.  The music was loud and louder. The group of men and  women were regulars and  knew each other. A bit like a dancing club. The music all  from the 50’s and several in  outfits to match the time warp. I thought I would pick up  the  feeling that  people were having a great time moving to the sounds of Johnnie Ray, Elvis Jailhouse Rock, The Platters,  and many other Rock and Roll Legends.  It just didn’t feel that way at all.  It seemed very sad and lonely to me, even though I didn’t personally feel sad and lonely. I was there to definitely move.

People connected to the music and the desire to dance, but totally disconnected from each other.  A  argument took place when one of the women in her 50’s costume had a fight with a guy, in his 2015 jeans ensemble, because he started to dance with another woman  and ignored her. She was furious and left the club.

Two hours and two drinks each  later, our foursome departed. Perhaps my feelings projected unfairly.

With an empty feeling I went back to my apartment and spent some time with John Coltrane and Miles Davis.  My dancing was over for the night.

Memories of dancing with Barry forever etched in my mind and body.

The Blues…..

We are told over and over again how to find  happiness. I for one decided to write about perhaps not necessarily looking for happiness. A post in work about being ok is ok. It’s an illusive emotion, and not something you feel automatically every morning. Yes, there are some very cherry people who are fortunate to have that gene. I work on it with my 24/ 7 therapist (me)  every day. Losing my husband and my life as I knew it,tested my strength if I was going to be able to breathe again, let alone feel “happy.”

What works for me is knowing that everyday is not filled with happy thoughts and feeling fabulous. I was at a social event many years ago and a prominent psychiatrist was  talking about just this subject. I lightly said, “if you have four great days out of seven, is that a good record? His answer….”fantastic.” So the big point I’m trying to make here, is that we all live with voids, some greater than others. We all live with regrets and guilt. Have always felt both of those emotions are a total waste of time and energy. Every mistake, is a life lesson and let it go. My grateful list is way larger than my void list. Never take good health for granted. If you have that, you have pretty much everything. The rest is a bonus. The family and friends in you life, are as I have always written about, your emotional transfusions. To be loved by those you love is one of life’s great joys. I have that and more.

So if it’s a gloomy rainy day, and the holidays are fast approaching and once again New Years Eve is not the gala celebration it once was, just rejoice in what was and what could still be.

…….and the blues…Well, google the 100 Greatest Blues Songs and either sing along or dance as if no one is watching….

2016 and a New Year that I hope for all, including me, to be filled with good health, safety, and joys. Maybe even a few hopes and dreams becoming a reality.

Holiday Season

It’s that time of year, and I would like to wish all my followers the most beautiful holiday season filled with joy, nourishing food, family, and friends…and the most important…good health to enjoy it all.

A few updates. I was going to write about comparing Tinder to Stitch and decided after leaving Tinder rather quickly, that there is no comparison. One allows anyone to be on, and the other verifies so you feel safer when seeing profiles. Another feature for men and women who would like to travel or meet in a non threatening atmosphere like an event, Stitch provides that atmosphere. Have I met someone? No, but that’s a reason to write about finding another love. For me, maybe not. Still a maybe thought, just not a priority.  I enjoy running events at the Comic Strip because a great reason to laugh together. I recommend Stitch as an alternative to internet dating sites. They are always willing to help whenever a tech issue comes up, or any other problem. Very important.

Also updating…A Short Sad Story is still A Short Sad Story…..Sadly…..but way behind me emotionally so that’s good. Allegory,Alleglory?  In some form of keeping in touch. Not a friend except in the tech world. Always will be an acquaintance. Regrets? Such a waste of time as is guilt.  When Bershan Shaw gets her site updated I will be writing for URAWarrior again. In the meantime, working on a piece about Happiness.  What is the illusive emotion many seem to search for.  I know for me, contentment and forever grateful is far more important, because its easier to attain.

During this year, have met many new friends and you know who you are. Beautifies my Friendship Garden. So many more beautiful flowers. Toxic plants are all gone.

May The New Year bring everyone some hopes and dreams that become a reality. I’ll drink to that. I value all of you who support and enjoy my words. Cheers!!!!!!

Just a Number….but…..

I try diligently to stay away from doctors. I do remember going when I was younger, and how comforting when one would say, “I’m giving you the same advice I would give my mother.”

Fast forward to the present time. If a 70-year-old doctor tells me the same, I may think differently.

Perhaps throwing myself in front of a fast moving truck.

Expiration Date On Some Friendships

I am forever grateful for the friends in my life that are my” emotional transfusions.” You  need to weed out and do occasional emotional cleaning as you do in any beautiful garden. When I ran away after my husband died from New Jersey to New York, there were many acquaintances that I no longer felt I had anything in common with. No arguments or fights, not my style, just a letting go process. I know people thought how does one let go of friendships over 50 years. Well, for one they weren’t really true and loved friends, they were acquaintances. I have new friends that I value more than the ones I let go of. It’s not the years, its the quality of the friendship. Not judging them, just the essence of what they represented to me.

I have certain quotes on friendship that mean a great deal, and thought I would share some with you. Hope you see a part of yourself and your friends in them. I absolutely believe that some friends do have an expiration date and you will know when that happens. Quite easy to recognize the red flags. You want your friends to “get you.” The best feeling ever when no judging, just  accepting and loving one another. Showing kindness. Being there. All key elements in what a friendship should be…….and of course respect.

“One of the most beautiful qualities of a true friendship is to understand and be understood.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” Thomas Acquinas

“A friend is what the heart needs all the time.” Henry Van Dyke

“A single rose can be my garden—-a single friend, my world.” Leo Buscaglia

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” Euripides

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.” Aristotle

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Albert Camus

It has been proven that when you have friends to share with, you are healthier.

May you all have friends you deserve and deserve you.

Super Moon Crazies???

I read that a Super Moon can cause havoc…Well in the last week, a Verizon service guy going to the apartment near me, by mistake shut off my phones. Fortunately I was going away for the weekend, but without my phone Mon. and Tues. My phone service is IDT and they said they work with Verizon. So another service guy came out and fixed the problem with my wires four days later. My computer has also been behaving in a bad way, not being able to connect to the internet. I was really wiped and went to sleep at 1 and in a sound sleep was awakened at 2:30 by a friend who seems to call very late or very early. We don’t connect that often, so whenever he calls, we chat a bit.  A bit longer than we  thought  since it was 4am when I went to sleep. Now for the best part, I think. My  generous  son gave me a new IPhone…Just when I became so attached to 4, along comes a stranger 6…. Only one problem, no one could hear me in most of my rooms. No way was I going to go to Apple and wait for hours since you need an appointment. Hundreds of people are there at one time, and all with appointments. Called Apple Phone Service,  and I am not exaggerating. On the phone for 5 hours and most of the time, I had no idea what she was talking about….All I heard was erase all data and I was using my computer. Frightened and really numb after 5 hours with  nothing  resolved. I try to never say should have, or could have, because waste of time and energy but, I should have never gotten this strange phone until I came back. Did I mention I’m  going away with my “daughter’ to Spain on Friday. A still celebrating my special birthday holiday. The woman I was on with turned me over to a supervisor…  So James came to the rescue and said “I am so sorry what you have been through, I am here to help.”  He tried to undo all the stuff she did, but I knew ultimately I was going to venture to the dreaded Apple store. All because people were having difficulty hearing me. My friend who called in the middle of the night, I think  heard me loud and clear, certain rooms in my huge 700 square apartment were off-limits with this new thing ….and for all I know he may not have heard me. He doesn’t like most of my conversations re nutrition…he works late hours and in my opinion which I should keep to myself, he eats terribly. Another subject not exactly his favorite  is “what women really like and don’t like.”….So who knows if he was able to hear me for almost 2 hours. I’ll never know.

The saga continues. Phones still off and no internet …and everyone saying to me, “I can’t hear you.”

Very practical and rarely take taxis. Took two buses to Broadway to Apple store. Told my story to many and all said how very much they wanted to help me and how awful to be on the phone for 5 hours. Bottom line….go to Fifth and 59th to the all night Apple store. “You may have to wait a few hours, but at least your problem will be taken care of.” OMG….Out I went and took taxi to Fifth Avenue. Did I mention Obama is at the UN…$20 later I was in yet another Apple store. This one is opened 24/7…sort of a LL Bean  NYC style…I am exaggerating a bit, seemed like thousands of people were in the store. I told my sad saga to the right guy. I didn’t have to wait very long and my savior Ken appeared. Enough of this story except to say he made all better. Verizon came and my phone service was back on. A very nice guy who works in my building helped me out in the evening and found the missing wire to the modem and internet service was back on.  Practicing Yoga, Buddhist Philosophy, and Meditation really helps. I was crazed and thought of jumping in the East River after throwing the new phone first. ……and then I thought…”It could be so much worse….and smiled when I thought of the words grin and bear it. Not such a big deal after all.  Also have the opportunity to vent to all of you. Thank you for reading.

So  anybody have experiences sent by the Super Moon?…….If errors, please forgive. For some reason, I am exhausted.

Celebrate

Everyone thinks of  celebrations in their own way. When my sons were little, every holiday was a major celebration and it was sheer joy. At the time I was volunteering in a mental health hospital doing occupational therapy, so every holiday there were things to make with  patients. I remember one Easter actually making cement, searching with the patients for a perfect tree branch, container, and there appeared…the branch for the Easter Egg Tree. Of course the idea was then brought home and we then made the eggs and hung them on the tree. As the boys got older, the celebrations were a bit more private, not having the big birthday parties,  but small intimate family dinners, out. When the boys left and the empty nest arrived, my husband and I enjoyed celebrating with each other.

So in April  I had a milestone birthday and in New York, my son and “daughter” asked if I wanted a luncheon, dinner, cocktail party, whatever. Immediately I said I would love nothing like that. The joy would be my East Coast children and granddaughter, together with my West Coast son,  daughter in law and grandsons. My daughter in law was terrific in welcoming us literally taking over their home and making us feel welcome, not like invaders. Of course she did go away for a few days, and ummmmmmm was that planned? I don’t blame her. We weren’t intrusive but still a change in routine. I feel it was the very best celebration. Everyone got along and love was in the air. My sons enjoyed their time together  as I did and with my grandchildren all being together.  Now a bonus celebration. I am taking my New York daughter in law to Spain for a week , and she is taking me. Easy one to figure out. We will be staying in one room and my son wanted to know if we made  any rules. Not necessary since we both love and respect each other and both know how special this trip is. I am so grateful for my California celebration and now this. My husband’s love and energy are never far away. Always working on myself by myself to be forever grateful for all I have in my life and not just focus on him not being here in the physical sense. Someone once told me “he’s only in the next room.” I said I looked and he wasn’t there. It took me many years to understand he is always with me.  Jane took the photo of the Sunflower and the Butterfly, and tried to tell me the same thing years ago. I now understand. Never too late to embrace the comfort of spirituality.

Next week Hello Spain. Time to once again Celebrate……..

I Appreciate You

I would like to take this opportunity to thank followers of my blog. First for taking the time to read. Your comments are  a bonus. Writing is what pours out of our hearts and souls. I have never done journalistic, political, or intellectual writing. Mine is reflective and emotional and comes from truth. When some of you say my words inspire, and you can relate to what I am saying,  my purpose has been realized. Thank you all kindly. Paulette

Is Life Really So Simple?

A brilliant Buddhist  I met many years ago at a party told me something  I never forgot. He said “life is really quite simple and we complicate it.” Not talking of course about unforeseen events that can change everything. But, everyday life challenges and how we accept the good , the bad, and the fantastic. It’s quite easy when everything is going your way, but what about when your emotional strength must come to  surface? I  had a most interesting conversation with a bus driver yesterday. A woman who had the attitude of a yogi. Positive sharp, kind, and a joy to talk to. She mentioned  people can be mean-spirited and  she can usually tell immediately by their expression when they board the bus. Unhappiness and fretting over the smallest things can cause harmful  stress . The more I think about it, attitude and your own emotional tools and resources can very often change the outcome of most situations. Many people cause their own problems. Think of the people you really enjoy being with. The family and friends who nourish. The older I become, the more selective I am about who I let in my life. A positive attitude and the ability to feel joy.  Having a therapist 24/7 helps. ME….

Maybe life is simple……..as long as we don’t watch the news.

Happy Birthday John

Today was one of the happiest days of my life. September 15, 1958. A most beautiful full head of blond hair, perfectly wonderful baby born was born. Our first son. Of course little did I know 18 months later, another beautiful baby boy arrived. Just as beautiful and just as loved. But today I celebrate John. In good times and sad times, he was a terrific little boy, and grew up to be a terrific man. Still a devoted son, but now the best husband and father. I wrote on his card how proud I am of him, and how much I appreciate all he does for me and how forever grateful I am that he is always there. On the back of the card, I wrote “but you could call more.”…he thought that was humorous. I do talk to him once a week, but as a mom is it ever enough? Not my style to be a nag because the word smother is mother with an s. I love how our weird sense of humor melds into one that most would not understand, but we do. So today  I am so happy to wish you all  that you wish for yourself John, and I love you forever, heart and soul….