mother nature is a man and other observations..

The next post I’m doing has to do with my experiences on Internet Dating Sites and my conclusions. I’ve spoken to many men and women who do feel the same, but this blog is from my truth. I don’t try to speak for all. Trying to pass on my experiences that might make this difficult process easier. I repeat this often. My truth comes from observations and never from anger. Thanks to followers. I appreciate each and every one of you who read my words. If you can relate and I reach you, that gives me joy.

Neil Diamond has a touching song called September Morning. I love the melody and lyrics. This September I may just have happy memories to replace a very sad September morning almost twelve years ago. I practice meditation and yoga, and try very hard to live with magical thinking, but also reality based. If there is anything to write about I will. At the moment it’s just a lovely moment in time.
He travels the world and is totally selfless and interesting how he gives of himself. A relationship would never be……..on the other hand, a memory that would be everlasting isn’t such a bad idea at my age, or any age. When will an opportunity like this happen again? I can’t predict. We spent a lovely evening together in Virginia.
To keep in touch we text. If nothing else, I have met a very interesting man. Someone I’ve not met in all the years of being a widow. No one that matters. No one I would ever like to be with.
I believe strongly in serendipity as he does. It’s all about……if meant to be, it will be.
…………and I will play September Morning, some morning in September.

A day of reflection. Sad in some ways, but more joyful when I remember. Not all you have missed, but the results of your wonderful parenting skills. You were not only a hands on Father when in the 50’s, that was unusual and unique, you were loving, supportive, and beyond fantastic. When the boys called you from their rooms three flights down, to help with homework, ( and I had no clue about math), no matter how tired you were at the end of the day, you were there totally. We were a family that made communication a priority…..in every way. We instigated a Sunday morning family council meeting. It was in no way democratic. It was total dictatorship. Majority did not rule. If the boys and myself voted for, and you voted against, it was your decision. Well this was before women’s lib, but in our home, changes were taking place quickly. You were 100% fine with the new rules of the council meetings. Majority wins.. No problems, no drama, and no complications. Anything was allowed to be said, and no restrictions on vulgarity. The boys could say whatever they wanted to, and about each other and they did…….. being 18 months apart, one can only imagine the surface tormenting that went on. I refuse to name the tormentor. I love him and the tormented far too much. The council meetings lasted for as long as I can remember. We were a completely connected family and have remained, always there for each other. The word love isn’t quite strong enough.
Barry, you would be so proud of your sons, not only devoted and caring to me, but loving husbands, and fathers. They are strong role models for Tommy, Taylor, and Danielle. I know you look after us. I know in my heart and soul you know, and your wonderful eyes and smile are shining down on us….. Our Guardian Angel, our Sunflower. Our sons Forever Father.

A friend I don’t see very often invited me for dinner. Lovely, right? She then called after we settled on a date to say “I don’t know what to make. You don’t eat that much of a variety”.
To set the record straight. I am a pescatarian, a vegan who eats fish and dairy. I also eat every vegetable known to man except Okra. Every nut, Every kind of humus, fruit, bean, cold water wild fish, yogurt, seeds, brown rice, more grains than I can list. So I eat many varieties. I love a glass of red wine…not much sugar, cheese, salt, or butter.
Now my friend was doing a little transference. She is a strict eater. Never bread, pasta, sugar etc. So I would say I was the easier one. She always talks about her lentil soup and how great it is. So when she said there is nothing for me to eat, I mentioned all that I enjoy, and how easy it is to put out some raw veggies with humus and her soup.
She wasn’t in the mood to make soup and called me at least three times to tell me she was having a problem with the menu. I was losing patience, but I know her issues and wanted to be nice so didn’t say. WTF! You invited me and now telling me how difficult it is.
I was planning on bringing a lovely bottle of red wine. I then offered to bring smoked wild salmon. I generally buy a 1/4 lb and it lasts for three days. Quite expensive. I said I would bring 1/2 lb of the salmon. She liked that. She then called to say what would we eat with that? So I offered to buy some humus and veggies. Now we’re up to about $80 for this lovely dinner invitation.
I empowered myself many years ago and never say “I should have said that or done that.” It’s a done deal with me from the get go. Old enough to not obsess about what should and could, have been said. I say it and feel good. Never hurtful, but honest, not too honest.
I called her and said it was all getting a little complicated and why don’t we just go out….we always get separate checks to avoid any drama.
The moral of this story. You can write what you want about anyone, as long as they aren’t on the same social network you’re on.

Thinking maybe this time, instead of using for material, I would actually go on Tinder and OKCupid to find someone. Not necessarily harshly judging. I’m also on Stitch.net and do events for them as well as the Search. Feel safe there from catfish. Funny to just say the word. My dear friend Edith who passed away at 98 always gave me advice. Never search for Him. He will be there at the right time. Well it’s almost 12 years and as I have always said instead of a pity party. I had the very best soul connected love, and with all the problems, a long marriage, almost 50 years. We shared such a strong connection emotionally and physically. A romantic love with someone who had the capacity to love and be loved. He was not just the best human being, he was so good-looking, I loved looking at him. He would say the same to me. So 30 years was perfection and that may be all for me and I’m content and forever grateful for all I had and have in my life. But…….occasionally I feel and would say to Edith. “I have to be proactive and at least try.” Once again.
On Tinder there was Erich. A fitness trainer and model. There he was on his profile naked from the waist up. Whatever he was wearing was way below his waist, but thankfully not showing everything. A large gold chain topped off the look. He wanted to meet immediately because he knew “we were right for each other.” Unmatched immediately as I did with Juan who also shirtless and with a huge wide leather necklace. Only his face wasn’t tattooed and certainly not interested in finding out if any body parts were left without painted “art.” His profile said he was interested in finding his last love and “thot it could b me” I didn’t find the spelling or the art very appealing and unmatched as well. It’s boring to keep going over the unappealing guys, but the standouts are all holding small to huge dead fish. Wonder if a metaphor for something?????
Not all negative though. Actually going to meet two age appropriate, nice looking and interesting guys. OKCupid so maybe Edith won’t mind if Cupid had a plan.
Keep posted. You never know…..or do I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!